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How to help her slim down without making her feel bad.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 29 Replies

Not really a vent - but I do need some advice.

I have an 11 year old DD.  She's always been tall for her age and has always had a thick body type - solid legs, a larger butt, a smaller waist.  Really, she's build a lot like me and a lot like one of her aunts.  I used to refer to her as my amazon.  Now that she's hitting puberty, she's not only starting to develop breasts - but she is also getting a bit of a belly and her legs are getting thicker.  She's already 5'6"   (my height - and the only other direct female relatives she has are 5'2", 5'8", and 5'11).  She is currently wearing a size large in juniors in shirts and dresses and a size 11 or 11/13 in shorts/pants (though she has some 9s that still fit).

She LOVES to eat - and she doesn't like to exercise - asking her to take a walk with me is like asking her to cut off her pinky finger.  She is involved in sports seasonally, but there are large gaps of time in between seasons where she is a lot less active.

I really struggled with my weight when I was her age and heading into middle school - I was teased because of it (though looking back, I wasn't really 'fat' - never had much of a belly - but I was thick and bigger than the normal middle school girl.  Being teased gave me a horrible self-esteem which just turned into bad choices.  I've still stuggled with my weight - I wear a size 12 or 14 now, and have to really monitor myself to stay there!

 I don't want her to have to deal with what it is like to be a "big girl" in middle school and high school.   I never felt good enough.  I couldn't just go to the mall and pick out clothes with my other friends - I couldnt go to the pool without constantly feeling uncomfortable.   To make matters worse, my sister (1 year older than me) was naturally petite - 5'2" and a size 2 - or a 4 if she was having a bad few months...and she didn't even have to work for it.  (Much like my SD who is 2 mths younger than my DD and still wearing a girls size 10 and has junior size 0 fall off of her.)

How do I help my daughter to lose weight and be active without hurting her feelings?  If someone approached me and said, I'm afraid you're getting too big - lets do something about it, I'd be crushed.  I had a friend whose mother was obsessed with keeping her thin (and it didn't work) and she'd have to go to nutritionists and get lectures EVERY time she ate food...she hated it!   My mother never said anything - and I wish she had....

 Anyone else have to have that conversation with their daughter?   What do I even say?   (I know she's already sensitive to weight comments - she has a 12 year old brother that has made comments and I'm sure other people have as well)

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 19, 2014 at 4:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Alianza_94
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 4:55 PM
Does your daughter like music? You could always do zumba, it is fun so you don't feel like you are working out, or take her to do more outside stuff like an amusement park or a zoo :) when I moved to OKC, my husband would take me out to do stuff like that all the time. I was a size 14 and before I got pregnant with my Daughter I was down to a size 8.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 19, 2014 at 5:13 PM
ToughMudder it not about weightloss its about being a badass!

It lite a fire under my videogame obsessed son.
He started getting a bit chunky.
CampClan
by Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 6:44 AM
I'm going through this new with my 14yo DD who will be a freshman this year. I need to lose several pounds myself so I suggested we walk together. I know you said she is active at times... is she competitive? Maybe turn walking or running into a competition between the 2 of you somehow? My DD has gorgeous nails. I would bet her a manicure for the winner from the loser. And I don't necessarily mean whoever list more weight by a certain date. I would probably say whoever runs a mile faster wins. Do the race once a week with walking or jogging in between.

That said.... I need to get up & go run! LOL
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 20, 2014 at 8:46 AM


Quoting CampClan: I'm going through this new with my 14yo DD who will be a freshman this year. I need to lose several pounds myself so I suggested we walk together. I know you said she is active at times... is she competitive? Maybe turn walking or running into a competition between the 2 of you somehow? My DD has gorgeous nails. I would bet her a manicure for the winner from the loser. And I don't necessarily mean whoever list more weight by a certain date. I would probably say whoever runs a mile faster wins. Do the race once a week with walking or jogging in between. That said.... I need to get up & go run! LOL

I recently lost about 40lbs  and I still have at least 25 more to go before I'm where I want to be.  She sees me go to the y - and I've tried to get her to come with me, but she's like "nah".   Last summer, when I was just starting my weighloss endeavor, I decided to do a couch to 5k program and tried to make her and my oldest boy do it with me.   She begrudgingly went a few times, but complained so much that I said forget it - you're done...she was making an already enjoyable (for me) activitiy even less enjoyable.  

She sees how much better I feel now that I've dropped some pounds, but she doesn't project that on herself.   She does do school sports, but the seasons are short and have so much time in between, that she may lose a few pounds in those few weeks, but then she puts it right back on plus some.   

She's at the point where she has this gorgeous body with underdeveloped boobs and a bit of a stomach - but the kind of curves every woman dreams of having - (not that I want my 11 year old to be sexy or anything - don't mean to imply that ) - I just want to stop her from putting on a bunch of weight that won't be trimmed naturally if she were to get taller.  

I'm just so afraid to be honest and say - I worry about your weight, because I don't want you to get to the point where you are teased and are uncomfortable.  But once I say that, it's out there - and I don't want to destroy her self-esteem or have her think that is all people see (like I did for so very long).

CampClan
by Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 8:53 AM
Do you have family (particularly women) who have diabetes? My weight loss endeavour has been because I see the struggles my mom goes through now with diabetes. It runs in the family.So I am making the choice now to lose the weight so I don't put my children or future husband in the position my dad is in with having to retire early so he can take care of my mom. She is currently on dialysis 3 times a week for the rest of her life. And she has to give herself insulin shots & monitor her blood sugar levels.



Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting CampClan: I'm going through this new with my 14yo DD who will be a freshman this year. I need to lose several pounds myself so I suggested we walk together. I know you said she is active at times... is she competitive? Maybe turn walking or running into a competition between the 2 of you somehow? My DD has gorgeous nails. I would bet her a manicure for the winner from the loser. And I don't necessarily mean whoever list more weight by a certain date. I would probably say whoever runs a mile faster wins. Do the race once a week with walking or jogging in between.

That said.... I need to get up & go run! LOL

I recently lost about 40lbs  and I still have at least 25 more to go before I'm where I want to be.  She sees me go to the y - and I've tried to get her to come with me, but she's like "nah".   Last summer, when I was just starting my weighloss endeavor, I decided to do a couch to 5k program and tried to make her and my oldest boy do it with me.   She begrudgingly went a few times, but complained so much that I said forget it - you're done...she was making an already enjoyable (for me) activitiy even less enjoyable.  

She sees how much better I feel now that I've dropped some pounds, but she doesn't project that on herself.   She does do school sports, but the seasons are short and have so much time in between, that she may lose a few pounds in those few weeks, but then she puts it right back on plus some.   

She's at the point where she has this gorgeous body with underdeveloped boobs and a bit of a stomach - but the kind of curves every woman dreams of having - (not that I want my 11 year old to be sexy or anything - don't mean to imply that ) - I just want to stop her from putting on a bunch of weight that won't be trimmed naturally if she were to get taller.  

I'm just so afraid to be honest and say - I worry about your weight, because I don't want you to get to the point where you are teased and are uncomfortable.  But once I say that, it's out there - and I don't want to destroy her self-esteem or have her think that is all people see (like I did for so very long).

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 20, 2014 at 9:44 AM

Yes - my DD's paternal grandmother has diabetes, my father has diabetes, and I was (before my weight loss) pre-diabetic...I still measure high, but lower than I was before.  She knows that is one of the reasons I lost weight - but she doesn't see that affecting her...

katydid150
by Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 11:45 AM

To be honest, I would leave her alone. Sometimes it takes self realization to decide to change.  To have you  involve yourself will likely cause her to push back more. 

I still remember my parents fussing at me about my weight, it didn't go well. 

Meanolduglyoldm
by New Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 12:39 PM
2 moms liked this
Almost sounds like you are putting your body issues on her. Give it 6 months, lrt puberty do its thing. If it doesn't bother her and she is not 20 lbs overweight, just relax, change the menu at home and suggest she do something physical she would enjoy.
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Bronze Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 12:44 PM
3 moms liked this

Don't buy junk foods, don't serve her junk foods.  At 11, she doesn't have many resources to get that kind of bad food on her own.  Make it a healthy change for the whole family, as you can all benefit.  

Have her help you explore healthy meal and snack options.  "What do you think of dipping this in hummus?  Should we try together?"  "I hear in this summer heat that eating more fruits and veggies can keep us cool.  What are your favorites?"  

Look into a membership at the YMCA or a local gym where she can practice her favorite sports.  Get a zoo pass and make a family event out of going to the zoo several times a month to walk. 

If it fits in the budget, make a Mom and Daughter day to walk the mall once a week.  Make a silly goal each time, like finding the strangest item under $20, or biggest sale item.

Get stuff for your own yard.  Trampoline, yard games, net you can take up and down for volleyball.

Make it fun, make it about a positive lifestyle, and don't let someone else sit down and eat an entire box of snack cakes while she has cucumber slices.

everadullmoment
by New Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 12:46 PM

The only things you could do is watch what foods you bring in the house and what foods you serve.

You could find an activity that she likes to do.

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