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Husband leaves wife while she's pregnant

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:22 PM
  • 8 Replies

Hi all.
I never in a million years thought I would be in this "situation." 
My husband and I have been married for 8 years and recently decided to try for a child. For 3 years he did nothing but beg and plead for me to have his child. 
"I was born to be a father...blah blah blah..." He'd say. And I would always find some reason to hold off. Not because I didn't want his child, I just didn't think we were ready. So after 3 years of hearing the same bullshit EVERY damn WEEK, I caved and we agreed to start trying. 
It didn't take long to conceive, which shocked me. I'd been expecting it to take at least a year, because I have medical issues. But that wasn't the case. I got pregnant 3 months later, right after my 28th birthday.
(NOTE: This is where it gets bad, ladies....and gentlemen....)
The week before I found out I was pregnant, he made me dinner and gave me this BIG elaborate speech about how he was gonna be the "man I deserved." 
I should've known then that something was up, but I was in the mindset of thinking after 7 years of marriage, and a pregnancy plea, that he wouldn't do anything stupid.
I was wrong.
The day I found out I was pregnant, I got this gut feeling to look through his cell phone. What I found, crushed me. He'd made another Facebook page and added some friends to it, specifically a female co-worker named Erica. We've always had a very honest relationship, so I clicked on the messages sent back and forth to Erica:
Erica: I can't wait to be sleeping next to you.
Husband: me either.
Erica: We can heal each other...
Husband: *smiley face*
I was gutted. I mean, what man in his right mind begs a woman to have his child for 3 years and then cheats on her while trying to create that child? (I've never heard of such a thing...It has me baffled.) 
I found out later that day that I was pregnant and the first thing that popped into my mind was "God must have a sense of humor." 
For his part, he said he only kissed her once and that he realized he'd made a mistake the night they kissed. He said he had planned on telling me, which I don't buy at all. A woman's first instinct is to toss blame at the other woman, because it makes us feel better. When I did, he actually took up for this homewrecker. (She has a great personality ect....) Yea that stuff came out of his mouth in what could be considered my weakest hour. 
I felt like I'd been trapped. Period. For what reason, I don't know. I've always heard of men being trapped by women, but never vice versa. 
We found out I was pregnant later that day and his tone changed A LOT. It went from "You're partially to blame for me cheating because of this and that..." to "I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking...I love you..."
So for the first month of my pregnancy, I spent most of my time trying to accept what had happened. Which annoys me to no end. I shouldn't have been dealing with something like that. I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that he had cheated on me while we were trying to have a child. If I had known it before hand, I would've pulled the plug on babymaking. 
Now I'm pregnant and I feel like he has been rewarded in a way for his stupidity. He cheats, I get knocked up, and he gets to be the father he always wanted to be; meanwhile, I have to go through 9 months of hell feeling bitter. 
I'm into my second month of the pregnancy, and yesterday he packed up his things and left. He is staying with my Godmother. Everything that could go wrong during this pregnancy, has, and I now know why I waited so long to have a child. I think in the back of my mind I always knew he would be a POS. (Or maybe I'm just saying that to make myself feel better. I don't know.)
I feel like I was trapped into this. Used.
And yes, I wanted this child. I felt ready. But apparently thinking a man will behave while trying to get a woman pregnant is a stupid thought. What man in his right mind would form romantic relations with someone else when he's trying to impregnant his wife? I've heard of stupid men, but my husband just takes the trophy on this one. I don't know if it's my genetics he likes, or if he thought I couldn't have children....
To be fair, the first month of my pregnancy, I did put him through hell. I was bitter and resentful for what I felt he had done to me and our child. He betrayed us and the baby hasn't even entered the world yet. And when I say I gave him hell, I mean my guard was up and I was asking him to 1) check in, 2) very concerned about the women he talked to at work...To me he deserved every bit of it. I even told him when I found out about the cheating that the road to redemption was more of an epidemic and that I wouldn't be fooled again. 
The first time it's a mistake. The second time it's a decision. <---that's the mindset I had.
I never got to talk to his co-worker/Erica to speak my peace. She knew we were trying for a child. I'd actually talked to her a week before I found out I was pregnant and asked how long it took her to concieve. So I really wanted my say with this bitch. I wanted to see what woman would go along with this type of thing knowing the cheater was trying to have a child with his wife. Oh, and she's pregnant, and no it's not my husband's. Her baby daddy ran off months ago. My first thought was that she couldn't have a child and maybe my husband was using me, but no. She's pregnant, about 7 months along, and she already has a 3 year old.
If I had spoken to this woman, my husband would've gotten fired from his job, and so would she. His employeer doesn't put up with employee relations. It's against their code of conduct, or whatever. Plus, she is in management and he is under her. 
So I had to sit through the first month of my pregnancy, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for him to get a transfer. Not knowing if he was going back to work and conversing with this bitch. I suppose this is why I gave him a lot of hell during the first month post cheating. It was a bad situation to be in. To have to keep my mouth shut and all of the hormones running through my body. I guess he took the hit for both her behavior and his own. It got to be too much for him and he left.
I am very eager to hear opinions and get some advice. It's only been a day since he left and I know not to get worked up because the pregnancy is still early. So I've decided to speak my peace here. 
SIGNED,
Lonely, confused, feeling used, single pregnant mama of unborn two month old. 

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:22 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:28 PM

oh man, im really sorry that your going through so much. All i can say be strong, pray, remember a baby it's depending on you to be happy.

Try to forgive him even if it means marriage counselor .  Your baby deserves both parents to be happy and in love together. 

notuseless
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:30 PM
If you decide to keep your baby go for spousal support and child support, you need to get the proof that he cheated on you and hope you get a sympathetic judge.

If you don't want him to be a part of your life for the next 18 years you can find a nice family to adopt your baby...

Im so sorry your exdh is an a$$ you deserve so much better.
mommyflaw
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:36 PM

Why did he leave? Because you were understandably upset at such a low blow or did he go to her?

amanda.lyn
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:37 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow. No idea... no advice... I'm just so sorry. What a horrible violation. :-( He sucks!!! Best of luck to you!
AdrianSmith2014
by New Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:41 PM

My Godmother is close with my family. That's where he's staying at for now.

I pretty much have him by the balls right now. He has no car. If I get him fired, he's screwed. His family quit talking to him years ago....And if he goes to her, I'll get them both fired. 

(I know it's mean, my little plan...but I don't feel like I should suffer alone...) I will be fine without his income if it comes down to it. I have a nice support team. But I won't go out without guns blazin!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:18 PM

I caught my husband texting and video chatting 2 woman. He lived in hell for close to 4 years. I was so resentful, mean, felt trapped. I finally just got mad and treated him like trash...I told him he could deal with me or get the f*ck out. I said you did this to your self. Your going to deal with me until I decide to change my attitude. I was very hurt by the things he said to them. I became very suspicious of him and didn't allow him to go any place but work. I checked his phone almost every day. I started hating myself..I couldn't stand to be in the same room with MYSELF. We finally got to the point where I just could not forgive him for the stuff he had said (he denied ever sleeping with either but who knows) So we decided to go to counseling..it helped alot. I am no longer angry at him. I have let go of it....We are currently doing fine....but if it was to ever happen again I told him I would take him for every dime he has or will ever have :) Hes not interested in paying child support or being buried 12 feet deep in our back yard :)

Goodybag1
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:20 PM
Your situation is so sad as women we take a lot off of men. If you pray go to God and ask every night what should you do. At this time your emotional and sometimes it's hard to see the big picture while feeling that way. In the end you and your baby will have someone worthy of your love, even if it's not him.

Good luck
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:49 PM

My ex left me when I was 7 months pregnant. My life got better, I reconnected with my high school sweetheart and he adopted my child.

It was the most painful thing I went through. I was heartbroken

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