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SIL acts like she should be running the place. What should I do??

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 8:54 PM
  • 18 Replies
Ok. this is going to be very very long, it's been going on about a year and I'm finally starting the crack.

Here is some background. My SIL fell on some hard times. She was being kicked out of her apartment because she was always late with her rent and had no where else to go. She is a single mother of two, a girl who's 10 and a boy who's 7. We are pretty much the only family she has, so we offered to have her move in. This was Mid-August 2013.

I swear she has done nothing but complain about everything. I think she is expecting us to roll over because she "raised" DH when their mom died. And by raised I mean live with him and their grand parents for 4 years and then together with her DH for a year and kick him out on his 18th birthday because he couldn't pay more rent.

We asked for $300, as well as 1/2 the bills which are about $400 total a month so about $200 from her which is cheaper than the rent she was paying. And we would generally split the food shopping bill or she would go one week and we would go the next.

Her first complaint was that the basement wasn't finished, which she new coming in, but we weren't going to drop $10,000+ to finish a basement since we didn't think she was going to be there long. It is very well kept hardly any dust or issues. It's just insulated walls and a cement floor, but you can pretty much hear everything above you. Originally she and her children slept in the basement because they were so used to sleeping in a 1 bedroom apartment and didn't want to be separated. About 3 months in she moved them two floors up into our spare bedroom to get them some space. But they had separation anxiety and wound up sleeping with her anyway. Which we didn't really mind, we were not using the room for anything whatsoever. Until now, because we are trying to transition DD who is 6 months out of our room but she keeps waking DS so we want to put her in her own room. So we asked to have the room back since they have only used it to keep their mattresses and dressers, which fit just fine in the basement. She lost it. Said we're closing her and her kids into the basement like animals. The original agreement was the basement, bedroom and bathroom, but since then she has overtaken our garage for a spray painting hobby, 2 out of 4 driveway spots, our dining room for her children's projects and electronics, and our deck for they're outside crafts. So we just asked for the room back.
Second complaint was bills. She said since she's the only working adult in her family she should only have to pay 1/3 of the bills. We wound up coming to an agreement and she pays her part of the cellphone bill, and 1/2 the water bill and 1/3 of the gas and electric. So now she's paying about $150.

Third complaint is about how I treat her children different than mine. When my DS who is 2 1/2 gets a brand new toy her son is all over it the moment he puts it down. He's broken a few of his toys so I've restricted my DS's toys to him. She goes off on a rant about how he is just 7 and boys will be boys. But when DS plays with her sons things and accidentally breaks it he's not allowed to touch anything anymore and all her sons things need to be kept downstairs. But if I tell him he can't play with DSs toys she gets mad at me and claims I'm trying to force him downstairs.

Fourth is food. Her children are very picky. To the point where she will make separate meals to appease all of them. I will not do that. They complain to her about it and she comes at me like I'm trying to starve them. She buys them designated microwave meals so they don't have to "deal" with my cooking. I'm no chef, I cook basic things like breaded chicken and pasta or rice with maybe some steamed veggies.

On top of that she tries to parent my children when she can barely talk to her kids without screaming or cursing at them. My DS is working on potty training. She tried to potty train him when I was in the hospital having DD and when I came back he was utterly terrified of the toilet. He was at the point where he was at least sitting on it and now he screams and runs away when I open the bathroom door.

She constantly borrows money from us and will wind up owing us more than $100 at the end of every month on top of bills and rent she doesn't pay on time. My DH and I are very good budgeters but sometimes we wind up paying two months of bills before she even gives us one month and then will complain for the next week until she gets paid or gets child support.

She does not budget. She has not saved any money for moving out, and tells me on a weekly basis she has maybe $5 in her account. And spends her $500 a month of food stamps in the first 2 weeks of the month on junk food and snacks for her kids and hoagies and iced coffee at our local convenience store.
And with school out she was using us as baby sitters every day. We told her we can't do that considering she does not watch our children whatsoever and does not offer to compensate us in anyway. Not that we are really expecting but her kids can be a major handful. She's tried to get my family members to babysit them but they refuse, they've done it once and tell me horror stories of how they behave.

I'm very sorry for how long that was. But I kind of need a rant. DH feels the way I feel which is we need her to leave ASAP. But we also feel bad that she does not have any means of moving because she does not save.

TL;DR my SIL is attempting to control almost every aspect of our lives. And seems to be expecting it as payback for "raising" DH. And she scarred my DS from using the toilet during a crutial potty training time.
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 8:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 25, 2014 at 8:59 PM
2 moms liked this
It's way past time for her to go. Since she's been there so long you may have to formally evicted her.
quinnsmom715
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 9:14 PM

now that shes a legal tenant,good luck getting her out.you might as well sign the house over to her cause youll never get her out..you were way too leniant and now its biting you in the ass..

skrbelly
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 9:14 PM
2 moms liked this
Yeah, bye. It's not your fault that she can't budget her money. Tell her she has a month, call her ex and tell him that his kids need a place to live, call dhs and tell them that she's not going to live with you anymore. Tell her that since everyone is living in hell, for her own sake she needs to take her kids and get.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 25, 2014 at 9:22 PM

Give her a WRITTEN 30 day notice, AFTER she pays you rent for the month!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 26, 2014 at 7:36 AM
What a witch.
sarah.wilkins89
by New Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 8:57 AM
Thanks for reading all that. She is crazy. I understand she went through a lot but that does not make it ok to expect so much from everyone and not expect to offer anything in return.
perrick86
by Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 11:46 AM
ANOTHER OMG!!! R U KIDDING? WHAT THE HELL IS THE HOLD UP? R U AND H THAT CLUELESS, SHE HAS NO INTENTION ON LEAVING AND Y WOULD SHE, ITS A SWEET LAYOUT SHE HAS. ASK URSELF WHAT MAKES U FEEL WORSE, BOOTING HER BITTER, PATHETIC ASS OUT TO FEND FOR HERSELF, OR UR CHILDREN WHO R FORCED TO ENDURE THE BULLSHIT?? GIVE HER A TIME OF NO MORE THAN 2 MONTHS AND STICK TO IT!! STAND FIRM AND THINK OF HOW FUCKED UP UR KIDS WILL B DUE TO HER FOUL INFLUENCE IF U ALLOW HER TO STAY!!
littlesippycup
by iloveanons on Jul. 26, 2014 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this

I love your TL;DR

Time for her to go, it's just a matter of when y'all actually quit putting up with her. 

LClark1973
by Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 11:58 AM

Tell her to get the fuck out of your house !!


katydid150
by Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 8:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Give her a written thirty day eviction notice. Y'all don't owe her anything. 

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