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I get the feeling that she thinks I have a bad baby

Posted by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:17 PM
  • 19 Replies
While I was pregnant my mom kept saying that she hoped my daughter would be a good baby. I didn't think much of it. She is 8 months old now and can be a challenge. She wants to be held constantly, won't sleep more than 20 minutes without me, hates being in the car, and just isn't very content most of the time. It's hard at times but I try to go with it. What's bothering me is that every time my mom is around her she has to say something about how the first baby is harder, or somebody else's baby is so good because they're quiet, or babies behave better when you just lay them down and let them cry, and on and on. Basically it sounds like she is saying that my baby is bad and it's my fault. I'm really bothered by her need to label my daughter. One day she kept going on about how the 2nd baby is always a better baby so I said "she's not a bad baby," to which she replied "she's not baaaaaad" as if she wanted to finish that sentence with "but she's not good. " wtf
Sorry so long, I'm just sick of it. Anybody else dealing with something like this?
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:17 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:21 PM
2 moms liked this

Tell her that if continues to talk about your baby that way, then she can feel free to just not see her.  And that you will no longer discuss anything regarding your daughter with her.  And DON'T.  Don't give her any ammo.

lucky2Beeme
by Bronze Member on Aug. 10, 2014 at 11:44 PM
I would probably start crying. I'm super sensitive esp about my children. I would look at her next time she says it and say do you really think that helps me feel like a good mom ? Gheesh I thought I could count on you of all people to encourage me and sympathize with me not hurt me and you are !
nfbaz
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Good advice. I am already very careful about what I do share with her about my daughter's personality and behavior just to avoid the comments. It's one of the main reasons I don't trust her to watch my baby. I don't feel like she takes me seriously as a parent.

Quoting Anonymous:

Tell her that if continues to talk about your baby that way, then she can feel free to just not see her.  And that you will no longer discuss anything regarding your daughter with her.  And DON'T.  Don't give her any ammo.

nfbaz
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 12:04 AM
I'm super sensitive too. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, she was less than supportive while I was pregnant.

Quoting lucky2Beeme: I would probably start crying. I'm super sensitive esp about my children. I would look at her next time she says it and say do you really think that helps me feel like a good mom ? Gheesh I thought I could count on you of all people to encourage me and sympathize with me not hurt me and you are !
MaggieWho
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 12:58 AM

My 2nd baby was just like that. Every baby is different.

Tell your mom, " Mom, when you say things like that it really hurts my feelings" and if that does not change things I am sorry. Communicate then limited time with her if it doesn't help.

You mom might be feeling the baby does not like her. My 2nd did the same EXACT things and my mom was so said she never got to rock her like #1. WELLL gma is lying in bed with a now 5 year old sacked out snuggled with her. (They are bffs)

nfbaz
by Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 1:35 AM
Thank you. I think my mom does feel like the baby doesn't like her but she doesn't even try to spend time with her even though we live in the same town. Our relationship is difficult at best so I've already limited how much I go to see her but I make sure she knows she is welcome to visit. She says the baby doesn't know who she is. She's impossible to communicate with because she gets confrontational and mean when I say anything that can be interpreted as critical.I'm about to give up on hahaving a relationship with her.

Quoting MaggieWho:

My 2nd baby was just like that. Every baby is different.

Tell your mom, " Mom, when you say things like that it really hurts my feelings" and if that does not change things I am sorry. Communicate then limited time with her if it doesn't help.

You mom might be feeling the baby does not like her. My 2nd did the same EXACT things and my mom was so said she never got to rock her like #1. WELLL gma is lying in bed with a now 5 year old sacked out snuggled with her. (They are bffs)

Belovedmoonpixi
by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 2:21 AM

No, sorry, my parents thought all their grandchildren were perfect babies..."even" my nephew, who is ADHD... he was just "spirited" to them.

Lovemybabieslnb
by New Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 2:37 AM
You know what..honestly, babies are who they are. They can be social, shy, good or bad. We may have some contributions, but in the end it is them. Raise and do what's best for you. They are yours, if.they dont like it then dont let them be around them. I hate when some of.his.family member say my son is spoiled/bad. We are there #1 caretakers...in the end we are the ones.being there for them
SoldotnaMama
by New Member on Aug. 11, 2014 at 3:15 AM

I'm a mother of six; stepmom of four; aunt of four more; grandmother of one and great-aunt of two.  My oldest (now 30) graduated fourth in his senior class at a very large high school and was awarded enough scholarships to rate a full ride at a major university.  Next oldest gave four years to the military, speaks four languages and currently works in Beijing.  And so on--none of the children in our family is considered slow.  So I believe I'm pretty qualified to sound off on this one.  Simply put:  You may have a brilliant child.  You may have an undemanding/ easily-kept-up-with/ "good" child.  You will NEVER get both attributes in the same child!

Very soon, the attributes you described your little girl as having will manifest in penetrating, astute (constant) questions; creative (inconvenient, occasionally expensive) experiments and even more demands on the time and energy of the adults in her life...followed by fun-to-brag-about academic achievement and eventually, Universe willing, a young adult whose intellect will amaze and astound you for the rest of your life.

Here's hoping your mother will eventually realize what an absolute JEWEL she has for a grandchild.  Until then, when she starts her "good-baby/bad-baby" verbal diarrhea, you might redirect her by pointing out that she's in effect wishing her granddaughter was disabled.

MusherMaggie
by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 9:20 AM
1 mom liked this
Ignore her. You have a high-needs baby. That's just the way they're wired. I had two of them. See to your baby's comfort and needs. They grow into highly intelligent and independent young people. Mine are now 22 & 26. I never regretted a single second I spent holding, nursing, playing or sleeping with them. They made me a better person!
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