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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

I do not want to be a mom right now

Posted by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 11:56 PM
  • 35 Replies

I just want to dissolve into a puddle of tears in the corner. Tomorrow morning I have to put my thirteen year old pit/lab down. My son is six, I had him when I was almost 43. I truly thought this dog, my sweet baby girl, was going to be my only baby when I got her. I was there when she was born. We've been nearly insuperable since she was six weeks old. My son has never known a life without her, I get that, when I brought him home, she took to him like her was her own pup. I understand how incredibly hard this is for him. And I'm there for him, holding him while he cries. But now, after he's asleep, I'm on the back porch with a glass of wine and a cigarette, both of which I've quit. I'm a fucking mess, and being strong for him has taken every last ounce of energy I have. 

by on Aug. 11, 2014 at 11:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
demonica29
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 12:20 AM
2 moms liked this

Wine gone, whine starting. 

LeilaBeansMom
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 12:25 AM
3 moms liked this
I am so incredibly sorry for you having to go through this. Take comfort in knowing that letting her go is truly the last act of love and kindness you can give her. I have sent a few dogs over the rainbow bridge, and I understand the raw pain that comes with it. It never goes away, but it does get easier. Hugs to you and your son.
demonica29
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 12:38 AM

Thank you for your kind words. I've been through this with other pets, hell, I'm almost 50. But she is different. As much as I have loved all of my other furry companions, she is my soul mate pet. Yes, I believe we have soul mate pets, as we have soul mate humans. This fucking sucks. 

Quoting LeilaBeansMom: I am so incredibly sorry for you having to go through this. Take comfort in knowing that letting her go is truly the last act of love and kindness you can give her. I have sent a few dogs over the rainbow bridge, and I understand the raw pain that comes with it. It never goes away, but it does get easier. Hugs to you and your son.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 12, 2014 at 12:51 AM
2 moms liked this

Your child will be o.k. It is o.k. to cry and grief is a natural part of love.  Try to put the smokes down.  Then you will feel sad and have to worry about getting off of them again.   So you had a glass of wine, which you had previously quit..I don't know the history there.  A slip up is a slip up, but does not define the future.  Call someone for some support.  Dump the wine down the sink.  Baby yourself a little.   Eat a little chocolate instead and do it in honor of the dog. 

demonica29
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 12:57 AM

Thanks for getting all of it. I WILL be okay tomorrow. Just as I was okay until my son was asleep. A slip is not a fall. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Your child will be o.k. It is o.k. to cry and grief is a natural part of love.  Try to put the smokes down.  Then you will feel sad and have to worry about getting off of them again.   So you had a glass of wine, which you had previously quit..I don't know the history there.  A slip up is a slip up, but does not define the future.  Call someone for some support.  Dump the wine down the sink.  Baby yourself a little.   Eat a little chocolate instead and do it in honor of the dog. 


arh74
by Member on Aug. 12, 2014 at 6:03 PM
I'm so sorry!:(Its never easy losing a pet you loved so much.My 17yr old daughters dog passed suddenly overnight a couple weeks ago.My daughter found her dead when she went to take her for their morning walk.She is completely devastated still.She had her since she was 8.Her dog was 11,but she still acted like a puppy.She had her out(her dog is in an enclosed pen outside) playing the night before and she was her bubbly and energetic self.It bothers me not knowing what caused her death.Do something special with your son to help yoy both feel better!
happynewyorker
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 1:14 PM

I'm sorry to hear this.  I can relate having to put an animal down.  Remember it's being down for reasons.  I think you're being strong for yourself.  Take the time to relax, and keep those memories alive.

Bresmom13
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 1:15 PM

 

Quoting demonica29:

I just want to dissolve into a puddle of tears in the corner. Tomorrow morning I have to put my thirteen year old pit/lab down. My son is six, I had him when I was almost 43. I truly thought this dog, my sweet baby girl, was going to be my only baby when I got her. I was there when she was born. We've been nearly insuperable since she was six weeks old. My son has never known a life without her, I get that, when I brought him home, she took to him like her was her own pup. I understand how incredibly hard this is for him. And I'm there for him, holding him while he cries. But now, after he's asleep, I'm on the back porch with a glass of wine and a cigarette, both of which I've quit. I'm a fucking mess, and being strong for him has taken every last ounce of energy I have. 

 Hi, Im truly sorry for what you are going through. I know the loss of a dear pet and having children at the same time. I always said that my pregnancies jinxed my pets, for every pregnancy I had, ive had to have my beloved dog put down (literly) I had a baby almost 8 mnths ago and while pregnant had to have my boxer put down due to lymphoma. I have 3 other children, to which I had to have loving dogs put down for medical reasons. Let me tell you first hand, it is WAY harder on you than your son. Like you said it was like she was your first child. I still 10-11 mnths later want to cry thinking about my boxer, but the kids have mended and are ok. Hang in there and although it will take time, you will heal from this. Best of Luck.

demonica29
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm actually handling it far better now that it's done. When I put her on the leash yesterday to take her out to the car, she was cavorting like a puppy. Yet, when she got out of the car at the vet' she collapsed, her legs wouldn't hold her up. They had to carry her in on a stretcher. She didn't protest one bit and that was the moment I knew for sure I was doing the right thing. They laid her on a comfy bed in the office and I laid down right next to her. She never tried to stand up again. I held her and cried while I said goodbye. Then she died with her head in my hands/on my lap. My hands were the first to hold her as a newborn puppy and they cradled her while she died. I was honored to journey with her from one end of her life to the other. Thank you all for your kind words.

morgiefae
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:55 PM

I am so sorry for your loss!

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