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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Bash Away I Don't Care I Am So Upset And Hurt By This!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 108 Replies
2 moms liked this

I like doing "firsts" with my kids, as many as I can experience, which, unfortunately, haven't been very many because of my mother. When I had my son I was a working single mom and because I felt guilty for feeling sadness and jealousy when my mom would experience first moments with him, but I was still appreciative that someone else loved my son so much that they would take him to experience these things - first haircut, first trip to our local amusement park, first trip to the local fair, etc. I rarely would say anything, but I did speak up about the hair cut. Her response? "Oh get over it, he needed it done so I took him. There will be other firsts." So I left it alone. 

Now I'm a SAHM and she wants to be a part of things, which I openly let her, but she takes over everything. OR she'll do something like take just my son for 2 overnights the last two nights before school starts-which she did 2 days ago, asked on the spot in front of my son and my kid loves her, which is good, but there was no saying no to it because he was so excited- and take him to see a movie she knew my husband and I were planning on taking him to - we've only been unable because he was called in to work mandatory 12 hour days 7 days a week for the next 3 weeks and the movie hasn't been out long . 

ANYWAY, she wanted to meet us at the bus stop this morning since it's my son's first day of kindergarten. It's a big deal to me, especially since he was taking the bus. I was up and down all night being a huge sap and crying over the fact my boy isn't so little anymore and pretty soon he'll be too cool for me, etc. He's PM - they only offer half days in our district - and I guess the only on who rides at that time. The bus was a little late, but at 2 minutes my mom starts freaking out. I said I would just call the school and make sure I didn't misunderstand things - since I was being accused of screwing it up - and my mom, who has a way of making people do what she wants, yelled at me to take my daughter and walk back to the house to get the car, etc. SHE would wait with my son. I attempted to protest so she yelled and said I was going to make my son late for his first day good job etc. As soon as I got to the car and had the school on the phone confirming the bus should be there any moment, I saw it pull up at the bus stop. I raced over with my van, but my mom was already putting my son on the bus. I bit my tongue to hold back tears as she got in the car - we were supposed to drive up there and take pictures. My son wanted to ride the bus that's why we didn't just drive him up there. We got there, but the bus wasn't there, so she starts freaking out acting like terrorists took him - no joke - demands I drive her back to her car, she gets in and speeds off. What the hell. I call the school, they confirm the bus got there, I call mom and she yells at me, irritated that I was interrupting her picture taking.

I went off.

I don't care how petty it sounds, I NEEDED those special moments with my son. I don't mind if she is there, but I AM HIS MOTHER, I wanted to be the one who was there for him and she bullied me out of it and I'm tired of it! I told her she needed to respect my relationship with my son and not control these experiences or shove me out of them. Her response? "Oh whatever, I was helping you're ungrateful, trust me I won't be around ANYMORE!" etc.


Am I being ridiculous? I don't care.  

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 20, 2014 at 2:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mrsbrand
by Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 2:33 PM
11 moms liked this
*hugs* she needs to back off and you need to stop giving into her. Anytime she starts acting like a petulant child ignore her and go about your business.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 20, 2014 at 2:36 PM
11 moms liked this

You are not being ridiculous.  Your mother needs to be reminded that she had HER turn with you.  Now it's YOUR turn with YOUR son.  If she can't back off, she needs to go on the back burner.  Tell her if she can't help taking over, then you will stop letting her know about occasions and sharing them with her.

Kay300
by Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 2:46 PM
1 mom liked this

In the Future just take charge, all you had to do was call the school while you were standing there, like you said.  I'm sorry it was ruined.  Your mom can be around, just keep the control.  (Its difficult when its a First Grandchild thats cared for by the grandma because parents had or have to work... They develope a Tight Bond, and it can be difficult)... But, its wonderful to have a mother to help out someone you can trust... there's so many women that don't have any of that and bad things happen to their children.  She will many times want only your son to spend the night, he will be her favorite, and she couldn't handle two at that age)... Just go with it, but don't let her run you around.

xBulletproofx
by New Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 2:51 PM

 I have a foster mom who is the same way. She just doesn't get it (although I assume it's because she has no bio kids). I went to get my hair cut and dd's first cut, bangs trimmed at 11 months. She had them start her hair cut while mine was finishing up. So I was pissed, but remained calm and asked her to take extra pictures. She yelled at me to "shut up" and said she had it handled. Turns out she got ONE blurry pic where you can barely see what's going on. I was so upset. Also she wouldn't let me start potty training at 12 months, since baby goes back to daycare 5 days a week 8-4 at 15 months. I wanted to be the first to set the basics for using potty and I wanted to buy her first pair of big girl undies. She didn't care and said we weren't starting til 18 months, when the DAYCARE would do the majority of the training all I get to do is reinforce. But in this case I'm 17 and foster mom is like our boss. For now. If i were you? I would cuss her out and let her know there are boundaries. And if she doesn't followt hem she doesn't see the kids.

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frankiesma530
by Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 2:55 PM
3 moms liked this

Dude, time to set some boundaries.

frankiesma530
by Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 2:57 PM

Btw, my dad is the same way with my dd. Has to be involved with everything! It got better when we moved away lol

young_lv_mom
by Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 3:03 PM
2 moms liked this
Try to learn the word no with her. She tells you to go have and call the school say "no, if you're so worried you can go home and call". If she demands, sorry "asks" to take him infront if him tell her " not this time, in the future please ask before the day so I can make arrangements" or ask why not take both? But once you start saying no she will learn to deal. And if your kids get mad about it tell them that she will always be there for them, but you love them and want to see them too. Good luck.
Traci_Momof2
by Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 3:28 PM
1 mom liked this

She sounds controlling and manipulative and you are either going to need to learn to stand up to her, or just cut her out of your life.  Otherwise she's just going to keep doing it over and over.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 20, 2014 at 3:41 PM
2 moms liked this
Time to put on your big girl panties be a mom and tell your mother to back off. And tell her she would not longer be invite to you and your child's things because she does not understand that she is just grandma. And with school starting no more sleep overs till next summer. Break the cycle now before she screaming grandparents rights. Even if your state does not have them you have allowed her to establish a big relationship with your child which could come back to bit you.
JRSMOM0621
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2014 at 4:20 PM

No your not. In fact I suggest telling your mom to F off and not tell you what you are doing anymore. I had to do that with my mom. She is still in our lives but very limited now

Proud mommy of 2 boys and a beautiful angel

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