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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Feeling guilty for feeling this way...

Posted by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 11:27 AM
  • 22 Replies

Ok, so my dh have been married for 23 years.  I really think my dh is on the Autistic spectrum.  We have 3 kids. 21 has Aspergers and UC, 20 had a TBI when he was 14, doing great but both of them have extra needs.  14 yr old is freshman this year.  We moved to KY last year from MI.  MY dh hated his job and looked for another one here but couldnt find one and he is still wanting to move back to MI.  He just took a job in MI, doesn't have start date yet but planning on leaving today or tomorrow with our oldest son. We still have our house in MI, (he decided he didn't want to sell which has put a financial strain on us here, we own it but were suppose to pay off vehicles with sale of money or buy a cheaper house here. All the way up to and past closing he said we were selling) OK, our oldest son doesn't drive and barely leaves the house.  What he thinks he will do in MI, idk.  I'm hoping he surprises us all and with the help of some friends will help him transition into a job and driving, but he can't live here bc he is rude and thinks he is my dh ordering me around, (dh says nothing to him) and he doesn't help out. So I feel guilty bc I love my dh and my son but they have pissed me off to the point where I am happy to see them go. I want to cry just saying that. My daughter and I love it here and my other son with previous TBI is online schooling and graduates this year. We are purposefully seperating our family. My dh isnt even going to be living with our son in MI, he will stay with his parents as it is closer to this new job. He thinks spending weekends with him at our house will be enough to help him. Idk. My husband also drinks too much and while he is not an angry drunk, he drinks enough to be called one. I don't know how he functions.  From the time he gets home he has 2-3 glasses of whiskey and 3-4 beers every night. This just started when he took the job down here but I think it is habit now. Hopefully I am wrong.  So I feel guilty for looking forward to them going to Mi and us staying here for the next year and then we will evaluate whether he comes back down here and finds a job or we move back. :(  Having 3 men in my life with special needs is wearing on me and I need to raise my daughter still. Sorry it is so long just needed to put it in words.  

by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 11:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kadcas
by Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 11:36 AM
1 mom liked this
Good luck, it sounds like a bit of separation would be good. It really is the fathers job to teach a son to respect his mother/women and if your husband allows your son to talk to you rudely, then it's best he go too. Do not feel guilty!
kellly
by Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 11:39 AM

@kadcas He does allow him to and makes excuses for it.  I really think they both have Aspergers and they are so hard to deal with.  My husband has good qualities and I always focused on those bc well we are both pretty demanding in one way or another but as my son has gotten older living with him is just miserable and my husband doesn't deal with any problems just "oh Paul don't talk to your mom like that you know it upsets her" bullshit is way out of hand when he just does it again. I really do think the time away will be good, but it makes me feel like shit bc I am looking forward to it.

kadcas
by Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this
As I am sure you know... guilt is a wasted emotion :) switch around to you are choosing a nontraditional way to improve your life. You are saying it's not forever. Good benefits for the 2 other kids right. Change the dialog... yeah sorry bestfreind is a therapist.
kellly
by Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 12:13 PM

I wish I had a best friend that was a therapist. lol but thanks I know you are right. It just feels like I am throwing in the towel.  I have a 14 yr old daugher that does not need me saying" whatever" when she wants to do something bc I am so stressed.  Thank you.

Quoting kadcas: As I am sure you know... guilt is a wasted emotion :) switch around to you are choosing a nontraditional way to improve your life. You are saying it's not forever. Good benefits for the 2 other kids right. Change the dialog... yeah sorry bestfreind is a therapist.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 23, 2014 at 4:33 PM
3 moms liked this

 way too much booze

dude needs to be evaluated for depression.. he's self-medicating

kellly
by Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 4:37 PM

Yes I know....Hoping his dad will have an influence on him when he stays with him.  His dad was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's but he isn't that bad yet which is another reason it will be good for him to stay with his parents.  He will be able to spend time with his dad before he forgets who he is. His parents will not approve of all the drinking, maybe they can help where I have failed.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

 way too much booze

dude needs to be evaluated for depression.. he's self-medicating


Basherte
by Bronze Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 4:56 PM

Good luck Momma.

My first thought is to tell you to not feel guilty for how you are feeling, but I have felt guilty for feelings I have had as well.

Maybe this whole separation thing will do everyone some good, I don't know. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Sending some positive energy your way.

kellly
by Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 5:17 PM

Thank you

Quoting Basherte:

Good luck Momma.

My first thought is to tell you to not feel guilty for how you are feeling, but I have felt guilty for feelings I have had as well.

Maybe this whole separation thing will do everyone some good, I don't know. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Sending some positive energy your way.


Basherte
by Bronze Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 5:28 PM

You're welcome.

Quoting kellly:

Thank you

Quoting Basherte:

Good luck Momma.

My first thought is to tell you to not feel guilty for how you are feeling, but I have felt guilty for feelings I have had as well.

Maybe this whole separation thing will do everyone some good, I don't know. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Sending some positive energy your way.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 23, 2014 at 5:31 PM
Leave it all. You one have one life
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