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He has no right

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 28 Replies
Me and HD have been married a few years , this past year we welcomed our second baby into our family. Since then I've dealt with postpartum , some days are good some days are really bad.

I feel lonely and sad , extra upset, irritated and everything in between. My dh works a lot so we rarely see each other , I'm use to being alone at this point.

But unfortunately for a while now I feel like we're are very distant , he doesn't sleep in bed with me, we hangout but we rarely speak when he's home. He only wants to watch tv and lay on the couch.

now, I have very little sex drive due to my postpartum and not feeling my best (weight wise). Is it fair for him to get so mad at me to where he is flat out rude and makes comments about "finding it else where" when he doesn't even care how I feel? I can't help it that I'm so upset lately , I'm going through a depression , it's never been this bad before.

What do I do? .. I can't force myself to have sex , It literally never crosses my mind anymore. And it seems to be the only thing dh cares about. Our marriage is falling apart, not only because of not being intimate but there's other reasons and that seems to be his only concern.

I am so upset. I feel like giving up. He's going to end up cheating on me or divorcing me at this point all because of sex. Am I the only one who finds that selfish?
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 4, 2014 at 9:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DensHag
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 9:25 PM
2 moms liked this

I would suggest counseling...for you individually and marriage counseling for the both of you.  You can feel better. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 4, 2014 at 9:32 PM
Give him some sex and the rest of your problems will go away. Bite your tongue and just do it. It gets better after that. I've been there.
Arielsavedme
by Member on Nov. 5, 2014 at 12:15 PM
1 mom liked this

You are rejecting him though and that does hurt men.. Men are not always tough in the inside and is not just him getting laid it is a connection between a husband and a wife!  I did this a lot to my husband and he stop everything completly!!! Never talked to me, never initated sex with me (wich I had too) it made me feel like he lost intrest in me.. Because he did! he pushed me away...  Just because you are tired all the time and depressed, you can not use that for excuse.. Your husband does have needs too and you should fullfill that.. No one ever seems to think about the DH feelings, just theirs and that is not fair! You are his wife! Do I need to say more.  I saw the problem and I corrected it.. Now we are doing a lot better.... I felt bad to make my husband feel that way

themaurer7
by Member on Nov. 5, 2014 at 2:15 PM
Some people are natural born asses. All marriages are a give and take. You don't have to simply take one for the team. Have you spoken to him about the PPD that you are going through? Is your depression being treated? The biggest thing is communication. Even talking about cheating is disgusting.
He should be supportive and you should be seeking support and help to deal with the post partem. I wish you luck
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 5, 2014 at 3:16 PM
4 moms liked this

DH has no right to speak to you in such a manner. But he has every right to be pissed off, upset, feeling neglected. Men connect differently than women. Sex is a physical need, not just a want. As bf/gf or hubby/wife you have duties to your SO to take care of their needs. Sounds like he has been patient for a while and his ends are getting frayed. He's burnt out. It really sucks that you are suffering with ppd but if its that bad then you should seek help from your dr. To get yourself back on track you may need to start masturbating. (dont mean to offend) By doing so you would be getting your hormones back on track and bring up your libido. If you're unsure how true this is then do some research. Many lady drs would advise masturbation to get your libido up. In all seriousness, maybe you should have a drink and jump his bones. After a few times of getting back into bed with him your hormones will start regulating again and youll be ready for him like before. Your husband probably doesn't sincerely mean that he's going to cheat, however Im willing to bet that's his way of saying "Babe, I cant take it anymore. I need you". He's really not trying to be a jerk, he is hurt and he feels like his woman doesn't want him. Start by asking him to come back to sleeping in the bed. Spend some time cuddling build the bond again if thats what you need. Either way you need to suck it up and do the deed. Fake the enthusiasm if you need to, (no im not saying fake getting off) but honey show this man you love him. Show him you do still want him. Make a big todo of yourself about it. Put on something a little risque, some perfume, high heels. Dress up for him. It wil help get you in the mood. Good luck hunn. I know its hard, sadly I can see where both of you are coming from. Ultimately it comes down to the fact that you feel like crap and are neglecting both of your physical needs. You will mentally start feeling better, once you start putting out again. Try watching some porn when the kids are gone or down for a nap. Purposefully start thinking about it. Go out of your way to make sure you are priming yourself for him. The most successful relationships are sexually active. Several studies to prove it. 


ps

for the sake of it, if you really dont wanna have sex then at least give the man a blow job. Itll only keep him hanging on a little longer. You are not the only one suffering with depression here. Your ppd has rubbed off on your man. Be his umbrella in the rain so he can continue to be yours.

Landon2012
by on Nov. 5, 2014 at 3:30 PM

Have you talked to your doc about how you have been feeling? I would go and see your obgyn and explain how you have been feeling they might be able to help your situation. Your dh should be more understanding and supportive instead of making you feel worse. I hope you and dh work it out and talk about it and if he does not listen you have a ass for a husband. Good luck

bigmouthbabe
by on Nov. 5, 2014 at 3:39 PM
1 mom liked this

 You need to do something about your depression and outlook on yourself.  Start going for walks, make yourself shower before he gets home and get ready, HAVE SEX!  Sleep in the same bed, but above everything else... TALK WITH HIM!  You need to be having this conversation with him, not on MC.  Tell him everything you just said in the post even your concern for him cheating and how it makes you feel.  Tell him what you are going to try to do to feel better about yourself.  If you do nothing, nothing will be done.  Guys aren't mind-readers, but he probably really misses his wife right now.  It will take both of you being understanding to how the other is feeling.  Talk, then sex.  It burns calories if you do it right!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 5, 2014 at 3:51 PM

I tell my man that I will find it else where if he don't give it up. Honestly, I have thought about cheating on him just for sex but I never have and thats probably where he is at. Right now he's all threats but his threats could become reality one day.  I would talk to the Dr about getting some happy pills for a little bit. Sex is a cure for the blues. You need to figure out how to get in the mood again, try watching a porn when he's not home,  or sit back and think about how great sex really is and that might help you get horny again. Read craigslist ads looking for sex. Yes, your man should be understanding, but its hard for someone to be understanding in a situation they can't possibly understand. You also have to be understanding that he has needs to. Good luck

smashlybear
by Member on Nov. 5, 2014 at 3:58 PM

BUMP!

sophiesister2
by Member on Nov. 5, 2014 at 4:02 PM
He probably just doesnt know what to do at this point and feels just as disconnected and a way you used to connect was through sex so maybe thats why he is focused on that. Not making excuses for him amd his asshole comments but maybe thats where hes coming from and is obviously going about it the wrong way. Good luck! And prayers to you to overcome all this
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