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Daughter prefers grandma...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies
y mother lives in the downstairs apartment of our home. My husband and I agreed it would be beneficial for her since she was going through very hard times before we made this decision. She moved in while I was pregnant with my oldest (2 year old). She was great at first. She helped out a lot but now she's just added stress. She drinks every night and not just lightly. She starts drinking while my children are still awake and in the same room. It's irritating. However, my 2 year old daughter loves her so much. She always wants her, cries when she leaves and wants her to tuck her in at night. Whenever I try to do anything with her she says "no momma!". I treat her like gold, I've never left her to go out, I'm always here for her. It honestly really hurts me. She also always hits and pinches me. She never does this to her dad or my mother. She always gives me a hard time! It's like I can't win. This isn't the bond I thought I would have with my child. It's like my mother ruined it for us. My mother was always out at the bar when I was growing up. I wanted to be the mother she never was but she's getting in the way! I wish i could ask her to find her own place but she'd go into depression again...

Any advice???
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
demonica29
by Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:25 PM

I don't think you can blame your daughter's good relationship with your mom for her bad relationship with you. The two of them really have nothing to do with each other.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:49 PM
I just don't think it's fair that she was a bad mother and now shes ruining my relationship with my daughter. I know she probably doesn't mean to but it just sucks..

Quoting demonica29:

I don't think you can blame your daughter's good relationship with your mom for her bad relationship with you. The two of them really have nothing to do with each other.

lucky2Beeme
by Bronze Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 1:58 PM
1 mom liked this

I would send mom down to her apt before bedtime. Establish a bedtime routine with your DD.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 2:16 PM

How old is your mother and where is her husband?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 24, 2014 at 2:25 PM
50 and she's never been married.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

How old is your mother and where is her husband?

demonica29
by Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 2:25 PM

The only thing that is ruining your relationship with your daughter is you.  She obviously senses how you feel about your own mother.  She loves you both.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I just don't think it's fair that she was a bad mother and now shes ruining my relationship with my daughter. I know she probably doesn't mean to but it just sucks..
Quoting demonica29:

I don't think you can blame your daughter's good relationship with your mom for her bad relationship with you. The two of them really have nothing to do with each other.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 2:33 PM

Where does her mother live? 

Quoting Anonymous 1: 50 and she's never been married.
Quoting Anonymous 2:

How old is your mother and where is her husband?

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Maybe if your daughter senses your resentment towards your mom and of course doesn't understand it she may act out. Sort of like if you don't like her she doesn't like you. Of course that's just a thought but sounds like you do resent her and thats hard to hide. Maybe if you make some special time for your daughter and you alone might bring some closeness.and don't rush the issue. Is your mom a good grandma? Maybe she's better at that she was a mom. I'm sure the drinking doesn't help the issue. Maybe you could talk to your mom about the influence that has on your kids. If you force a relationship with your daughter it could back fire. She's 2 so should be easily impressed. Maybe movies either at home or at the theater, take her for ice cream, do crafts with her, a day at the park with a picnic, do color books, stuff like that with time just for her. Maybe she feels as though you have more time with your other child and she is grandma's favorite. Just guesses here. Good luck.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 24, 2014 at 2:53 PM

I don't know if I fully agree with this. As a working mom... when my daughter was 2 she preferred the babysitter, because they were more lenient and in my house I am the disciplinarian. While it may not directly be grandma's fault it does contribute.


Quoting demonica29:

I don't think you can blame your daughter's good relationship with your mom for her bad relationship with you. The two of them really have nothing to do with each other.


Candiebears
by Member on Nov. 24, 2014 at 2:53 PM

My advice to the O/P take your daughter out of the house more often. Spend direct one on one time with here way from g-mom and the house!

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