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Am I way off base here? MIL and Chanukah.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

So just a little back story, my MIL is a pain in the ass, but I tolerate her because she's DH's mother. She's a nice person most of the time but extremely inconsiderate and blunt to a fault.

She moved across country a couple years ago and hasn't maintained much contact, but she does send Chanukah presents every year for the kids....the only problem? We're not jewish. But every year she sends them wrapped in chanukah wrapping paper and expects us to open them via skype on the first night. I think it's nice that she gets to see them opening the gifts and enjoying them, and i'm glad she makes an effort.

I send care packages every year with goodies and little things. I don't send a card saying Happy Chanukah or anything but I send it in time for Chanukah, but I guess if I did things the way they did, I would send a Christmas present. It seems petty so I don't.

But it irks me! I mentioned it to DH and he got all pissy about it saying thats just what she does. But none if my other jewish friends do that.  I know it's not that big of a deal, just getting it out of my system!

I try not to stir the pot, but I could vent about my MIL all day.

thanks for letting me vent, I appreciate any advice and hope everyone has a lovely holiday season! ;)

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 20, 2014 at 5:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ttriddick
by Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 5:23 PM
Why is it that big of a deal? I mean, what's the backstory? She had to have really offended you with something else.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 20, 2014 at 5:27 PM

I think I said it wasn't that big of a deal, just annoying.  The back story is she's just generally inconsiderate and a pain in the ass. If you want other stories....i got plenty haha. Nothing she does really offends me, she's just self centered and rude, which drives me nuts.

Saphira1207
by Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 5:31 PM
i got nothing, sorry.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 21, 2014 at 3:36 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm seeing it as a grandma sending gifts to her grandkids. I understand that she is irritating in other ways, and I wonder if that is coloring your attitude about her sending the gifts. Because even though you aren't Jewish (I'm guessing your DH isn't either?) she is still interested in sending well wishes and gifts to your kids, and even though you may not celebrate her holiday I don't see anything bad about letting her involve the kids in it. It's not like she is trying to convert them, it's just gifts. Maybe it would be a little more considerate of her for her to send Christmas gifts, but if she's a self- centered, overbearing type I think you just have to be glad she's interested in your kids at all, even if she comes at it bluntly.  Just be really glad she lives far away, lol, so you don't have to deal with her personality more often. (That sounded terrible, I'm sorry, lol! But I understand. I live next door to my in-laws and we've had to put some limits in place of our own over the years.)  Hope venting made you feel a bit better, though, happy holidays.

amber710
by Member on Dec. 21, 2014 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this

I actually don't get why that would bother you.

Sounds like a good opportunity to teach religious tolerance to me. You don't have to be Jewish to recieve a Chanukah present from someone any more than you have to be Christian to receive a Christmas present. I have never had an athiest get their panties in a wad because I gave them a Christmas present...and I am pretty sure that I could wrap it in baby Jesus covered paper and they still wouldn't care.

Christmas is a little more mainstream imo, but same concept there!

redheadtmk
by on Dec. 21, 2014 at 3:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I think this is one of those situations where you do not really like her so everything she does bugs the crap out of you. Would this bug you if you had a great relationship with her and genuinely liked her? Being Jewish is a race as well as a religion. So your kids are part Jewish whether you practice the religion or not. I would let this one go and be grateful that she is making an effort to do something nice for your kids. I know that is easier said than done when someone really irritates you though.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 22, 2014 at 11:20 PM

DH is indeed not jewish, and culturally, MIL isn't either. She converted after she remarried a few years ago. My oldest is only 3 so explanations about Chanukah are pretty simple so far, but we don't keep her in the dark about different celebrations.

haha you're probably right about her just irritating me in general. I wouldn't say we had a bad relationship, it's just taken her a long time to warm up to me....haha nearly 10 years. Plus she posts unflattering pictures of me on facebook! Lol

CausalDreamer
by New Member on Dec. 23, 2014 at 6:14 PM

You and I both. It also seems like MILs' love to push our buttons. Well mine does at least she loves to see how much she can push me and I'm at my wit ends too. Hugs to you and prays. 

anon55
by on Dec. 23, 2014 at 7:21 PM

This is your vent? My MIL sends my kids presents in honor of the holiday she celebrates.

Get over yourself, lmao.

ShaMac
by on Dec. 24, 2014 at 10:45 AM
If it was anyone other than her would it bother you?

Quoting Anonymous 1:

DH is indeed not jewish, and culturally, MIL isn't either. She converted after she remarried a few years ago. My oldest is only 3 so explanations about Chanukah are pretty simple so far, but we don't keep her in the dark about different celebrations.

haha you're probably right about her just irritating me in general. I wouldn't say we had a bad relationship, it's just taken her a long time to warm up to me....haha nearly 10 years. Plus she posts unflattering pictures of me on facebook! Lol

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