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10 yr old manipulative-this will be long sory

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 5:38 PM
  • 23 Replies
I moved to FL almost 1 yr ago. My son was a seemingly normal kid and I moved due to my boss not wanting me to take my son 1st (he tried to convince me once to leave him at school due to the school day almost being over-he wouldn't be in the nurses office throwing up at 1:30 if he was not actually sick). He (my boss tried to convince me that since his car could get him to work mine could-even in a state of emergency in winter) I could too. Well, we moved 1200+ miles to FL, but since then, my son has been diagnosed with Epilepsy. I have indulged him probably b/c I was convinced the move was the reason. My son will now refuse and waste food for lunches (which I go over the menu in advance, but if he changes his mind the Lunchables have to be thrown out-due to being in FL and the freezer pack doesn't hold to aft 5 at night). He (my son actually tells me that he won't eat what I cook until I take him to a restaurant to eat the same thing. It is, "I have eaten too much to why haven't we gone to Mc Donalds today?" He throws his shoes at me and tells me that if he breaks his video games or systems, that I have to replace them. After a church meeting with Royal Rangers, he get in the car and calls me an asshole." Now he is great and polite in school, but he will be kickin gmy ass by 16. What to do? He has to have a good Christmas due to him not being close to family, but I cannot keep (& he is pissed I didn't-b/c we eat junk food and movies on Fridays ans i refused this weekend). What do I do? I know I have to be harder, but with our current system, I may have to actually spend the money that I need for his medical deductable on Fast Food. Yes, I have a good hearted son that will be "entitled."
by on Dec. 20, 2014 at 5:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MusherMaggie
by Member on Dec. 20, 2014 at 7:24 PM
5 moms liked this
He needs a good physical and mental health evaluation, and counseling for both of you. He needs limits and expectations set. He needs to have consequences for inappropriate behavior; removal of posessions and privileges. He needs chores and responsibilities that are age-appropriate. He may have special needs, but that should not excuse his behavior
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 21, 2014 at 10:11 AM
3 moms liked this
My kids know I'm capable of anything. You act up in a store, I'll punish you in the store, yes in from of everyone. If they threw a shoe st me, their whole world as they know it would no longer be.

He wouldn't have to break the game system, i would (and NEVER replace it). His whole room would be gone, toys, door, any signs of fun, GONE. Not to earn back, but really gone forever. He needs to understand that assaulting me will never be the answer, and momma is crazy too. Don't fuck with her because you'll be wishing she'd just beat you.

Add far as the food goes, ignore him. You make what you make. You're the adult. He either eats or he doesn't, that's on him. Serve him dinner and eventually he'll be hungry enough to eat, or he'll realize you're not giving in. Also, don't allow him to pack his lunch if he's not eating it. He's lost that privilege imo. He won't starve I promise. You're building character here, and for some kids it means eating school lunch.
JadedSpirit
by on Dec. 21, 2014 at 11:03 AM
6 moms liked this
His diagnosis is absolutely no excuse for his behavior. And all you are doing is reinforcing it. Get it under control now before it is too late. It doesn't matter if he "hates" you for awhile. Quit being a doormat, grow some balls and PARENT your child.
sickofdrama
by Member on Dec. 21, 2014 at 5:21 PM

On one hand, I'd say to get him checked for Oppositional Defiant Disorder...a childhood form of Adhd, which causes kids to be violent, picky eaters and impossible. But then you tell me that he's good in school, so I see that he can switch it on and off whenever he chooses. So, that brings us to just plain spoiled and disrespectful. 

I would combine severe discipline with medical evaluation. Tough love and meds may be the key here. Being his doormat is not an option...even if you don't care, you will create a monster. Please do something quickly...society can't afford another unmedicated narcisist walking around.

collieaj
by New Member on Dec. 21, 2014 at 5:31 PM
I do care and I am worried. His behavior at school is not disrespectful, but he does "avoid trying.". I will look into some more care as I will have better ins. 1st of the yr. I do deal with that everyday where I work and it breaks my heart.
texassahm
by Member on Dec. 21, 2014 at 5:39 PM
2 moms liked this

You both need to speak to a professional.  Your son's school counselor can help you get started.  Ask the school counselor to refer you to a social worker and then go from there.  

In the mean time, you get what you give.  You have taught him to treat you this way, so it's time to teach him to treat you a better way.  Even if that means stripping his room down to the bare bones - remove his door, all his toys, his bed (leave the mattress and bedding), his furniture and even most of his clothes.  Leave some books so he has something to do, but do not allow him to be alone in his room unless he is sleeping or reading.  The rest of the time needs to be spent with you.  Not you on Cafemom or Facebook, but you.  Playing board games, reading stories together, etc.  After he loses his mind over the shock, he will settle down and you should take that time to reconnect with him - he might be feeling disconnected and needing your undivided attention.

Give him 7 or 8 outfits each week and make him responsible for washing his own clothes.  Let him earn back his things one, by one - but the video games should be the last thing he gets back.   If he has a good day at school and at home, he earns a toy.  If he has a bad day, he loses a toy.

In the beginning he is going to LOSE his mind and probably scream obscenities at you - but after a day, or two, he will figure out that positive behavior gets a positive result.  Negative behavior gets a negative result.

collieaj
by New Member on Dec. 21, 2014 at 6:05 PM
I only have to work 2 days this week and most of the gifts I bought were board games. I did think of this when I went shopping for Christmas. I just have been feeling so guilty for moving and finding out in less than 6 months aft that he was really sick. He does wont this time. Thanks
Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Dec. 21, 2014 at 6:08 PM

This is why they call it "spoiling", you will ruin him if you let him keep manipulating you! I know it's hard but you have to be the parent and stick with what you say. He's not going to starve, he will eat when he's hungry enough, and you need to find and stick with a punishment for when he throws shoes at you! When he's frustrated you can acknowledge his feelings but still not cave in. For example "You are really hungry for McDonalds right now" "you wish we could eat it every day" "Nevertheless, we are having xyz to keep us healthy" 

chrissara1011
by Member on Dec. 21, 2014 at 6:17 PM
1 mom liked this
This...my dd is low functioning autistic non verbal has epilepsy and cp...unless its a true autistic trigger her ass gets punished for all bad behavior...I ave to keep her under control so she does not end up in a home...u need to treat him as if he is healthy and no he does not have to have a big Christmas especially with that behavior

Quoting JadedSpirit: His diagnosis is absolutely no excuse for his behavior. And all you are doing is reinforcing it. Get it under control now before it is too late. It doesn't matter if he "hates" you for awhile. Quit being a doormat, grow some balls and PARENT your child.
quickbooksworm
by Bronze Member on Dec. 21, 2014 at 6:27 PM
If mine doesn't eat his lunch I pack, he gets school food he can throw away the next day.

You need to lay down the law. You have not mentioned any actual discipline. He behaves this way because this is an age where they test boundaries and you allow it to continue. Moving and epilepsy is not a free pass to being a complete asshole. He only wants to eat McDonald's because he knows you will give in.
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