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Marriage in your 20s vs 30s, 40s, 50s, etc.

Posted by Anonymous
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What is your marriage like?

DH and I have been married for five years and have one child together. He is 28 and I will be 30 at the end of this month. We both work FT and I go to school PT.  I have a very stable job and hours (M-F, 7-4), but his work is never the same -- some days or weeks, he works non-stop and sleeps at work. He worked every day from January 1 - January 11 and only came home twice during that time to sleep (he can sleep at work at his work). Yet during the months of November and December, he was lucky to work one day a week. 

Maybe it's just MY DH, but I feel like I have two children. I have to ask, no beg, for him to do anything. I have to give him to-do lists when he's off (which is usually during the week) and still, I am lucky if one thing gets done. Yet, I can work a full day, take care of our child, put him to bed, and then pay the bills, clean the kitchen, work on dishes, get everything ready for the next day, etc. When he was off during November and December, our child still went to school and daycare, so he had the entire day to himself, and STILL nothing got taken care of. (UGH!)

I take care of all of the finances, which I can't do until DS goes to bed. (Bedtime is around 7 to 730). I put our child to bed and stay in his room until he's asleep. If DH is home, he usually starts watching TV - sometimes he falls asleep while watching TV -  instead of doing anything that could benefit our family (pick up, do dishes, get ready for tomorrow, etc.). I find that I don't go to bed until 11 or 11:30, due to all I have to do once our son is in bed. I usually get up around 5:30am to get DS and myself ready for the day. I take DS to the sitters at 630 and start work at 7. 

On the weekends, I want so badly to stay in bed and sleep in. DS always goes to my side of the bed and wakes me up. I end up getting up with him out of habit and obligation. If I nudge my DH to get up too, he will whine and say "ten more minutes."  For Christmas, the only thing I wanted was a massage that didn't lead to sex and the chance to sleep in ONE time. I have yet to get this.

I am so irritated by his laziness; it drives me crazy. I would gladly quit my job if I could, just because there's so much to take care of on the home front. But it's not an option due to bills.  We've had MULTIPLE discussions about him helping out more, but nothing changes. He's either too exhausted (he DOES have a physically demanding job), or he's sick, or WHATEVER. 

I'm told this is a typical thing when you're in your twenties and that it will get better as he gets older. Is that true? How has your marriage changed as you both have aged? 

(Please note - I am totally fine with him working a ton. We miss him, of course, but we need the extra money and DH loves working. Also, I love DH and am not posting this to bash him or suggest that I want to leave him or get a divorce. I don't. I just want to know what everyone else is dealing with and how husbands and wives evolve and mature through the years.) 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 14, 2015 at 3:31 PM
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