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How do I manage after she leaves?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 36 Replies

I know I am wrong and no one needs to tell me this. The question is not how to make it better it's how do I manage after she leaves. My daughter is 20 years old and she is addicted to smoking weed and drinking. I hear she is also on something called mollies. I put her out twice due to drug in my house. Well,she had no where to go and was really doing bad. She came here last year filthy and with no shoes on. She asked for a shower and jumped in my bed.

I live in a one bedroom and she has the bedroom. I asked her time and time and time again to pease not do that here. I gave her a 30 day notice last month after I had a mental break down. I ended up in the hospital  for suiside. I am in therapy and my  therapist told me I need to figure out how to not panic when she is kicked out in two days.

Last night she was smoking in her room and I wantd to call the police. The reason I did not was becauseI got two eviction letters over this and because,they arrested her the bulding let me stay. I got an order of proteecton  and it's modified to where she can't bring anything in my house. I live in low income housing and a drug search and find will cause me a eviction out of th house and off the program. I get $738 from ssi and ssd That can't pay rent any where in Ny.

tonight she was in her room smoking again and I went the hell off I was going to lose it all by calling and getting her arrested. I was just fed up with it.But,she hid it or tossed it out the window. I told her on the first she needs to be gone. How can I not panic knowing she has no where to go. thanks and I am aware that I am wrong for taking her back in. Letting her stay not calling sooner everything. thanks again.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
poisonedtaco
by Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:13 AM

You just need to realize she is an adult and it's time for her to make her own decisions.

PogoPalOj
by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:25 AM
2 moms liked this

 You can go to http://www.dailystrength.org/to talk to other parents going through the same thing.   I know people are tired of me putting up that web site, but there are sooo many support groups there.  Anyway, I'm sorry.  Tough love hurts.  I had to do something like that with my daughter in her teens.  Good luck.  You can PM me if you want to.  No judging here.

Oh yeah, my husband told me mollies are speed.  They used to be called black mollies back in the day.  You can join a Red Hat Group or start going to church, anything to keep yourself busy after she is gone.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:26 AM

She is an adult and she choses, to not respect u or u home. And there will be consequence. As there always is in life.

If u dont kick her out u both will be in the gutter.   Could u insist on drug testing. Which she will fail.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:42 AM


Quoting Anonymous 2:

She is an adult and she choses, to not respect u or u home. And there will be consequence. As there always is in life.

If u dont kick her out u both will be in the gutter.   Could u insist on drug testing. Which she will fail.

I tried to get her in treatment and she could not go unless she was willing to go. not if I were forcing her to go.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:44 AM


Quoting PogoPalOj:

 You can go to http://www.dailystrength.org/to talk to other parents going through the same thing.   I know people are tired of me putting up that web site, but there are sooo many support groups there.  Anyway, I'm sorry.  Tough love hurts.  I had to do something like that with my daughter in her teens.  Good luck.  You can PM me if you want to.  No judging here.

Oh yeah, my husband told me mollies are speed.  They used to be called black mollies back in the day.  You can join a Red Hat Group or start going to church, anything to keep yourself busy after she is gone.

this group has all the support I need with all my stuff. thanks a ton for the link. I am joining now.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:48 AM

something is stopping me from joining.

Quoting PogoPalOj:

 You can go to http://www.dailystrength.org/to talk to other parents going through the same thing.   I know people are tired of me putting up that web site, but there are sooo many support groups there.  Anyway, I'm sorry.  Tough love hurts.  I had to do something like that with my daughter in her teens.  Good luck.  You can PM me if you want to.  No judging here.

Oh yeah, my husband told me mollies are speed.  They used to be called black mollies back in the day.  You can join a Red Hat Group or start going to church, anything to keep yourself busy after she is gone.

somethi


Linagma03
by Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 1:33 AM

I am sorry that you have to go thru this and I know exactly how you feel and what you are going thru. As hard as it is she is an adult and she has to live by the choices she makes. The hardest part is knowing that they have no place to go. I have a SD that is couch surfing while I raise her kids all because she has made the decision that parties, friends, drugs, and drinking are more important than her children and having a job and being an adult. We don't allow her to live with us and haven't in 7 years. She has lived in her broken down car, with who ever she can find that is willing to let her crash at their place, she has said that she has had to sleep in a tent in the woods. She rarely sees her children and when she does all she wants to do is make them feel bad for the decisions she has made. These are all decisions that SHE made not us not her kids. She has to live with it. 

One of the hardest things we had to do was not allowing her to move back in with us when she moved out and left the children. The best thing that you can do for your own sanity is to get her out and not let her move back in. If she has to live on the streets then that is HER choice because she isn't working to pay for a place to live and she wants to do her drugs. 

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 2:14 AM

I'm so sorry for your troubles, drugs destroy families, I hope she can get treatment, in the meantime she has to go.  Let your landlord know what's going on.

143myboys9496
by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 4:35 AM

Maybe if you call the police in lieu of jail time they can offer her rehab. If she's in jail at least she's no out on the street?..

She's an adult, you can't jeopardize your housing for her bad choices. 

Alanon is another great place, I'm not sure if Narcotics Anonymous has a family branch but it's another resource for you to evaluate. 

Understand that many of her choices, are the drugs thinking and choosing for her, not you. And that you're not responsible for her bad choices.

Hope things get better for both of you. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 1, 2015 at 7:00 AM
I m sorry about the suicide attempt, please don't let yourself get that low again. Everything always works out, one way or another. Also, she's 20 years old, you've done your job, almost all kids , used to get told to move out at 18 and have a full time job and a 2nd job if they can't make it. You need to let her go, be kind, let her know you love her etc.. , then she tries to come back or get in the house start calling the police, you should have called them already and she could have dried out in jail and the judge would order rehab at a state funded facility. The courts could have been helping her and you along time ago. If you ever do go to court tell the judge you want court ordered rehab. If you set if up would she Go to a in-house rehab, every hospital in the USA has these and you only pay on a discounted level, some don't pay at all check into it, by calling the hospital. No matter what never give up on your child, the rehab could take her today then she would have a place to go and get help.
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