Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Intervention!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

it all started when i found out i was pregnant... fathers day weekend of 2013. 

my in laws ( and by in laws i mean anyone of my husbands side) never really took interest in my pregnancy. they occasionally asked how i was feeling but thats about it. my SIL and MIL wanted to come to my 20 week ultrasound to be with us and my mother when we found out what we were having, which i was completely ok with btw! but failed to show up and us in the parking lot waiting for them ... 

fast forward to february 4th, 2014 at 3:44am.... 

after 3 hours of pushing i had to have a c-section. my mother and husband went back with me (into the O.R.) and were some of the first people to see our beautiful daughter. with some family in the waiting room. --i honestly do not know who all was out there accept my sister, my sister in law and mother in law -- with that being said, our daughter had a very rough start to life, her apgar score was 2 and she was bagged for first 5 minutes of her life (everything was fine after that) my mother, being a nurse at the hospital we were at, was allowed to go back into to nursery with our baby. being more concerned about her grandchild then anything else at the moment, she didnt go tell the family in the waiting room that our DD was born and that everything was ok. she didnt tell my sister, she didnt tell me sister in law or my mother in law. 

we were discharged to go home 2 days later. i had told my family, just like he told his, that we* didnt want anyone there the first night, for multiple reasons. after that i wanted my mom to stay with us bc i was going to try to breast feed and wasnt comfortable with his mother helping me with that. my mom stayed with us for a week and his mother stayed a few nights too  but after my mom left.  

later i come to find out that my SIL had said that we (me) werent making time for them and that they felt left out...?

we just celebrated our DD first birthday and it was, to say the least, awkward! we had her party at a gym and the place was segregated! my family and friends on one side, his family and friends on the other! i dont think our families even spoke to be honest with you ... 

im telling you all this and i hope youve seen the trend by now... our families will not have anything to do with each other. i dont know why. its been like this since the day we got married...  its so tense anytime we are together and its truly uncomfortable. its more than just a mutual dislike like you hear couples and their in laws having ... it puts a strain on our relationship and trying to please each others families is just, stressful! 

i want to call and intervention! my hubs thinks that a bad idea... but this has got to change... any ideas!?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 4, 2015 at 12:30 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-5):
ff-princess
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 5:35 PM

eh, I just throw separate events for each family.  dh's family gets the actual holiday or event, my family can come whenever we can all squeeze it in.  I don't make them interact with each other, the only thing they possibly have in common is that their kids married each other.

jpickens
by Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 7:00 PM
Keep them seperate. The families getting along is great but shouldn't be forced. If they don't click then just manage both seperately.

DH talked me into doing that and it was the disaster I knew it would be...at my expense of course.
lucy164
by Peggy on Feb. 4, 2015 at 7:43 PM

Does either side of the family reach out to the other side at all?  That is very strange that they don't want anything to do with one another.  They both love your DD don't they?  They have a lot in common because of her.  Maybe it's all up to your mother and MIL to break the ice.  Could you talk with each separately and explain how uncomfortable this situation makes you feel?

MommyHuman
by Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 8:09 PM
1 mom liked this

If they are not fighting, I wouldn't open up this can of worms. Just because you and DH are married doesn't mean they have to like each other. As long as they don't argue or cause problems lie them stay indifferent.

PogoPalOj
by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 9:23 PM

 I say just get the mothers together with you and hubby.  Tell them the truth, the strain is too much.  It is up to them to work things out between your families.  You have tried, if they can't, then you all will have nothing to do with either side. Period.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)