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Is It Really 'A Black Thing'?

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 3:34 PM
  • 10 Replies

 Okay let me point out that I didn't call it this.  My black friend did.  I posted the other day about one of my Red Hat's dying.  When I was speaking with another member I said something along the lines of, 'I hope her husband is okay'.  And she replied, "Oh Honey, he probably already has another woman lined up."

I couldn't believe it.  What a cruel and mean thing to say!  I called her on it and she told me that it wasn't mean or cruel, that it was ' a black thing'.  That all black people tell their spouses to find someone else if they know they are dying. 

Well even so, the woman had only been dead two hours.  My mother's companion of eighteen years had cancer and her told her to find someone else too.  But she was absolutely devastated when he did die.  To the point that his kids started walking out of her house with her things and she didn't even notice.  I still think it was a mean thing to say or am I wrong?

by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 3:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
krazymom2boyz
by Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 3:37 PM
Nope, you're not wrong. What a heartless thing to say!
KsAangel25
by Argentina on Mar. 4, 2015 at 4:00 PM
Wow, just wow!!! I've told my dh that I'd want him to find someone. He's said nah probably not. I'll be single till the day I die.
CStarz
by Member on Mar. 6, 2015 at 1:45 PM

I don't know about it being a 'black thing,' per se, I've met white and latino couples also who have had this discussion when terminal illness was part of the program but it  was borderline cruel of your friend to say- even if it were true- it doesn't revoke the loss. It's a pretty jaded outlook.

PogoPalOj
by on Mar. 6, 2015 at 1:55 PM

 The funeral is tomorrow.  It will be the first time I will meet her husband.

Quoting CStarz:

I don't know about it being a 'black thing,' per se, I've met white and latino couples also who have had this discussion when terminal illness was part of the program but it  was borderline cruel of your friend to say- even if it were true- it doesn't revoke the loss. It's a pretty jaded outlook.

 

FutureCooper118
by Member on Mar. 6, 2015 at 1:58 PM
It's odd but I wouldn't say just a black thing. My gpa died from cancer after a good 7 year fight. My 'gma' was his 4th marriage and there was an age difference. When he passed she was very distraught but a year later she had already remarried. Oddly she remarried to a man who was my uncle's friends dad and had just unexpectedly lost his wife around the same time.
HeavenonEarth81
by Member on Mar. 6, 2015 at 2:12 PM

I'm not black but I've never known any black couples that I associate with to be that heartless. I would probably respond with it sounds more like a class issue and not a race issue. As in, the person who told you that - lacks class! 

CStarz
by Member on Mar. 6, 2015 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this

I am sorry for the loss of your friend and I am sure her husband is a nice man. Good luck and best wishes.

Quoting PogoPalOj:

 The funeral is tomorrow.  It will be the first time I will meet her husband.

Quoting CStarz:

I don't know about it being a 'black thing,' per se, I've met white and latino couples also who have had this discussion when terminal illness was part of the program but it  was borderline cruel of your friend to say- even if it were true- it doesn't revoke the loss. It's a pretty jaded outlook.

 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 6, 2015 at 2:24 PM
Nope, not a black thing. I don't want my husband with anyone else when I die. I know he will be, but I don't want to know about it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 6, 2015 at 2:28 PM

No, it's not a black thing. My grandparents were married for over fifty years. When my grandmother died, my grandfather didn't have "another woman lined up".  My aunt recently died, and my uncle does not plan on ever getting married again and does not have "another woman lined up". 

AmberRae2110
by New Member on Mar. 6, 2015 at 4:13 PM
Um no.
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