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Grief and Guilt

Posted by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 12:08 AM
  • 11 Replies

4 days ago I would've been 18 weeks pregnant, I got a traumatic abortion at 9 weeks. I was excited and ready to carry a child at 17. My partner was not, he did not want to follow through and was not ready to grow up yet and made that very clear, me being a guilty minded person who always puts other before myself did not want to ruin his life by making him a father when he did not want to be one. I did the abortion and had the worst experience and ended up in the emergency room for non stop puking, hemorrhaging, and fainting from not being able to keep anything down including water. Couldn't pass the fetus on my own and had to wait knowing I had my dead baby in me for a week then had to go get the suction abortion done. After going through  all of that I've been in and out of a deep depression knowing what I did was wrong and for the wrong reason. I put others happiness before my own and it about killed me and still is. Not having the support I needed was the worst feeling in the world. I thought I felt alone then but now I cannot even describe how alone I feel. i find myself holding my stomach on accident. I don't know how to make myself forgive myself. I needed to vent. and I could really use advice. Please help me.

by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 12:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:57 AM
1 mom liked this

Have you gone to therapy? Definitely will be needed. Anytime you are pushed into doing something against your will and guilt sets in, you will unfortunately experience depression. And going forward with depression can only make life harder. I am hurt for you and I wish you the best.

lovelove211
by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:59 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm not sure what to say Hun but I've experienced depression and wanted to say you can pm me Anytime.
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LexStephens
by New Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 3:04 AM

Thank you both.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 6:40 AM

When you abort you lose a lot of hormones, it's similar to post partum depression I've been told. Be kind to yourself and you may need some anti-depressants for a while, you will be a good mama some day, honey. Get the implanted birth control if you will be having sex, it's very effective and you won't have to worry all the time. Get yourself to a therapist, it will help!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 15, 2015 at 8:24 AM
Honey, you are only 17. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't beat yourself up. Where are your parents or grandparents? Can't they help you? You need counseling. I am a bit surprise you were never offered that in hospital. Good luck to you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 15, 2015 at 1:22 PM

 Honey your going to want to see a thereapist for this. No matter what it is already done and there is

no going back. beating yourself up won't help either. I know the emptiness you have in you. It's been 15 yrs since my abortion and it still eats me up.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 15, 2015 at 6:16 PM
Seek counseling. You're young and have your entire life, now with more opportunities
angl_gurl1
by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 6:31 PM

try therapy. im sorry u went thru all that. u cant please everyone all the time, u deserve to be happy

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 15, 2015 at 9:20 PM

A wonderful way to help yourself heal would be to speak to other teens who are considering abortion.  Tell them your story in the same way youj told us.  Go to a school where you won't know anyone to make it easier on you.  Go to a church or after school group.  Call around until you find someone who will listen.  I'm sorry that you didn't have a support system to help you.  

143myboys9496
by Bronze Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 9:52 PM

My suggestion would be counseling. I'm sorry you had such a traumatic experience. And I understand that at 17 you say you were ready to have the baby..even tough the father was not. 

My niece turned 22, 1 month after having her 1st child. She is no longer dating the father, but at this time they seems to be..friends and are co-parenting...on the outside. My niece gets 1/2 the dad's paycheck,  because they're no longer living together my niece is home. The baby is with dad 2 nights/week, but dad (who lives with his mother) never has formula or diapers for his child. 

My niece, who also moved back home, isn't putting the baby first. Which is easier said than done. She yelled at her 9yr brother for making noise which made my niece's dog bark, which woke the baby. When the baby's up at 5:30 my sil will go into the bedroom (shared by niece and baby), to check the baby and my niece is "oh mom, I'm SO tired can you take him?"...This attitude spills over with laundry, giving the dog water, I'm sure you get the picture.

I also understand you're not her. 

Having said all that, my suggestion would be counseling. And that sometimes out of something bad, comes something good. Take the sadness of what happened and try to propel yourself into something positive, like college, or a full time job, something. What you went through was terrible to say the least, but don't let all that be for...nothing...if you know what I mean. Don't let the sadness spiral you further down, that's what I mean. 

I wish you the best. 

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