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Update - got a response...kind of. UPDATED WITH SOME NEW DRAMA...I know this is petty, but I just need to vent.

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2015 at 6:06 PM
  • 30 Replies

Update #2 - for those of you awaiting a response.  It came from SM in text message form.  Details on page 3.


UPDATE:  So, last week we got everything organized and got back home.  Tuesday morning, my DD went to shower and realized she left her very expensive conditioner at her dads. 

This conditioner is $89 for the size of the bottle.  I didn't pay $89 for it...instead, I bought her a hair straightening chemical procedure to help get her hair under control and was able to but the upkeep product at a reduced price.  However, to buy replacement stuff, it would be $89.  And this was not something I do on a routine basis - yes, we could afford it, but we're pretty frugal and don't generally spend money on stuff that isn't a necessity.  This was months of consideration prior to going through with buying her the process.  And honestly, we're happy with the results!  But, that is just the background info on why I don't want to just go out and buy another conditioner....this one works as part of the 'system' and we've tried a bazillion types of conditioners, and this is one that works well with her hair type.

So, she sends her dad and SM a text asking if they could mail it back to her.  A couple days later, SM sends her a text saying that her  dad won't send it and to give him a call.  So, through text, he says it is too expensive to ship it.  That prompted her to call him and he just kept saying it was too expensive.  I told her to just let it go with him and I'll figure it out.

So I sent him a text that said "please just bring the conditioner to my parent's house and they'll send it" (my parents live 5 minutes away from his mom and he visits him mom at least once a week).

His response was "Constantly mailing back things they forget just reinforces their immature inresponsibility of not packing good enough.  DS didn't even bring a tooth brush with him.  Plus, it would cost me $10 to mail it back because of the size of the bottle."

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?   First, DS did have a toothbrush.  Problem is, they don't have anywhere to put their stuff - DD has a bed, but no dresser.  DS sleeps on the couch in the unfinished part of the basement.  They live out of their bags for days on end.  Do, apparently his toothbrush fell down into his duffle bag and he thought he forgot it (I packed his toiletries - so I know I packed it.)  We found it when I had to empty out his bag to get things organized.  

Second, I cannot count how many things have been lost during visitation time. Normally I don't say anything because I know they are pigs and I know my kids are kids.  Occasionally, I'll send a text with a picture of a shoe and ask if they've seen the other shoe because DD only came back with one.  

But the KICKER is that the last time the kids visited him, his MOTHER sent me a text saying "I found DS's glasses and mailed them to you" - DS had lost his glasses outside somewhere months earlier and had already gotten contacts anyway, so we were confused about why the glasses would be there.  The glasses came and DS opened them and said "These are my dad's glasses".  Yes, his dad had left glasses at his dad's mom's house and I mailed those fuckers back to him the VERY next day. 

I don't give a shit about the drama - yes it is frustrating, but all he is doing is destroying any semblance of a relationship with his kids by fighting these little battles.  I do, however, want the conditioner back.  My DD is already saying "I'm just not going back there - he's ridiculous." Ugh.  And he's such a narcissitic ass that he cannot see it.  If his relationship with them suffers, he blames me.

I would have loved for my kids to have the kind of dad that my DH is to my SD - we're long distance from her and he's so thoughtful and attentive and doesn't play these silly "dick war" games with his ex, even if she tries to bait him.  But at this point, I'm just looking forward to the day when they both say "we're done."  And, each year that goes by brings them that much closer to the day.  

THE EMAIL I SENT TO MY EXHUSBAND IS ON PAGE 2 IF YOU LIKE TO READ ASSHATS GETTING REAMED.

When my ex husband picks up our kids for a visit, it is usually a week or more because we live two states away. He gets them spring break, a week over Xmas break, and a few weeks in the summer. I pack their clothes, everything is folded and organized. They have two bags...one for clothes and toiletries and their "go bag" with phones, chargers, books...stuff for the car ride. He throws the stuff in the trunk and they're ready to go.

I have to pick them up at the end of the visitation time, and when I get them back I get two garbage backs full of "clean, but not quite dry clothing", their bags have some clothes stuffed inside them...may be clean but hard to tell, a large retailers shopping bag of stuff they found around the grandmothers house (she's a hoarder ) that I'm just going to send to a church garage sale, and toiletries in various pockets of said bags...and always missing a charger or a set of headphones. It's so fucking annoying. I'm tired from the trip and going to have to drive back tomorrow, and now I get to spend the evening washing and folding and organizing stuff.

I'd be too ashamed to ever send my SD back to her mom's after a long visit without her stuff washed, folded, and put nicely in her bag. To me, this screams that my ex and his wife are pigs.

by on Apr. 5, 2015 at 6:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SaskMummy
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 6:12 PM

i agree, or lazy!

TXCatLady
by Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 6:15 PM
Or they may be hoarders
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 5, 2015 at 7:33 PM

Your not petty =) But guess what, it might never change. As your children get older they might be able to keep their things cleaned up better.... good luck =)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 5, 2015 at 7:35 PM
My ex used to do the same thing. You getting upset is just hurting you. You know he's going to do it so just expect it and let it go.
MomMomMomMama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 8:08 PM
1 mom liked this
We're 11 years post divorce...it's never going to change...I'm pretty aware of that. I'm just tired and trying to get stuff together for an 8 hr ride home with my 3 kids. DH had to work and couldn't come this time. We travel all the time with my kids and it isn't that difficult to have them keep their stuff together. I'd rather him just stuff everything dirty in the bag and I'll just wash it when I get home. I'm to the point that I just want to tell him to buy a weeks worth of clothing for his house and I'll just send nothing.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Your not petty =) But guess what, it might never change. As your children get older they might be able to keep their things cleaned up better.... good luck =)

fullxbusymom
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 8:22 PM

Usually means they are simply not as organized as you. 

twoboysforus
by Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 8:24 PM

Could you tell your ex that he needs to buy clothes and toiletries for the kids that can be left at his home. That way, all he needs to send back with them are the cell phones, chargers etc. You won't have to deal with bags of dirty clothes being sent home and it will reduce what you need to pack in the first place. I know a lot of divorced families who do this. It works out in the long run.

Good luck....it sounds like you have your hands full!

MomMomMomMama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 8:53 PM
I'd love to do this, but honestly, I'd be afraid of him turning it into a little war...the whole "I pay CS to you so you can buy them clothes, so I shouldn't have to buy them anything." And not buy them adequate clothing making my kids suffer. He's done similar stuff to that in the past. I just needed to vent tonight.

Quoting twoboysforus:

Could you tell your ex that he needs to buy clothes and toiletries for the kids that can be left at his home. That way, all he needs to send back with them are the cell phones, chargers etc. You won't have to deal with bags of dirty clothes being sent home and it will reduce what you need to pack in the first place. I know a lot of divorced families who do this. It works out in the long run.

Good luck....it sounds like you have your hands full!

PogoPalOj
by on Apr. 5, 2015 at 8:58 PM

 The same thing happens with my grand kids.  Heather sends nice clothes and things and they come back with someone else's hand me downs.  Finally she just started sending play clothes.

p608319chef
by Member on Apr. 5, 2015 at 10:02 PM
I'm sorry. I've went through that but my son is 3. Why not pay for the clothing but tell him its to stay over there?
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