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What do I do now???

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies
I've been with S/O off and on for 6 years now. Things have not been easy to say the least. He was a pill head for awhile, got clean, relapsed, got clean, relapsed, got clean and stayed clean. When he was high he became a very aggressive and physically abusive person. My family kept telling me it's just because he was high, if he wasn't high it wouldn't have happened. I chose to stay with him because I believed them and believed he could get clean. Well now I'm just flipping miserable all the time! We argue over petty shit! I am 25 yet per him I am not allowed to have a Facebook or Instagram or Twitter. We have two kids together 4 and 21 months. I don't know how to get out. I want out so bad! We live together. The lease is in my name but in my state if you stay over 14 days you are considered a resident even if you aren't on the lease! I know I have made some screwed up choices that got me to this point and trust me I hate myself for not being more mature and stronger and getting out along time ago but at the same time I don't regret it because I wouldn't have my two amazing children who keep me going every day. I can move back home to my dads the only problem is getting moved. He has been the only working because to him I'm not allowed to have a job. Basically I'm suppose to sit at home every single day and do what he says or it becomes an argument which could potentially turn physical as I have found out it isn't just because he was high it's just who he is apparently. He only works Monday thru Friday just like everybody in my family so basically I'm screwed. I have no way to get moved during the week without hiring movers and since he has been the only one working WTF do I do? There are no words to describe how miserable I am! I want better for myself. My kids too. They don't deserve to see us argue or fight. That's not the type of home I want them to be in. Sorry for the rant I'm just beyond irritated and frustrated. I literally have no friends to talk to. He doesn't like me having friends and has ran off every single one of them. My family doesn't know how he is now that he has been clean for almost a year other than my dad and he would help but he has his own bills to pay. I'm just over it!

Normally I wouldn't hide my identity but I hope you all can understand in this instance why I did.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 5, 2015 at 2:36 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 5, 2015 at 3:23 PM

What "my family" members told you to say with him?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 5, 2015 at 3:58 PM
Quoting Anonymous 2:

What "my family" members told you to say with him?


My aunt and grandmother. My dad couldn't really help me when this started. Those 3 are all I really have. My mom passed away when I was 6.
CoLLeGeMoM214
by New Member on May. 5, 2015 at 4:05 PM

Do you have a car? If it were me I would just leave with my kids and what I could fit in my car. I would ask the police to escort me to get the rest of my things. I would be worried he would try to come find you though. But first things first is to get out. Also, google some womens shelters/domestic violence like this - http://www.thehotline.org/help/help-for-friends-and-family/.... To see if they an help. Sorry youre going through this. You will get through it!

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2015 at 6:00 PM

Does he let you have access to a debit card for shopping? Get cash back every time, even if it's only $10, write to the landlord explaining that you need to get out and why, is it an apartment complex or private landlord? Is he even allowed there if he's not on the lease? Perhaps they can evict him. You are young, got your whole life ahead of you honey, you will figure out a way. My guess is that with your dh addictions he has some permanent brain defects, since he started young, and the brain is still growing til age 25, and he just may be a jerk, in any case he's lucky you have stuck around this long, as he sounds abusive and controlling to me. 

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2015 at 4:05 PM

You need to contact a domestic violence counselor. No one should have to go through what you are. (((hug)))

armywifey1983
by on May. 6, 2015 at 4:22 PM

Don't worry about moving your stuff right now. Just worry about getting yourself and your kids OUT. Pack a day bag with essentials and things you absolutely cannot bear to part with (jewelry, important papers, etc) and go. Do you live near a bus route and can get a hold of enough change for a one way ride? Do you have a girlfriend who can pick you up and take you to your dads'? There is always a way to get out, you just sometimes need to get creative. I also second a pp's recommendation of a counselor. They might be able to help you set up a ride out, and possibly shelter until you can organize your next move. Good luck!

cheetah90210
by Silver Member on May. 6, 2015 at 9:40 PM
I'd just takes some clothes and leave , you need to report his abuse get a stay away order then he has to leave.get on cash assistance and food stamps and if they have it rental assistance. Look for a job and get a daycare voucher for the kids. I was in an abusive relationship before and although I was working I couldn't pay my bills alone , but I just had to say fuck it my safety , sanity, and child's safety is more important and if I have to go to a shelter I will to get away from this mess.
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