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not sure what to do here...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 4 Replies
Well, long story short, My ex husband cheated and abused me mentally and verbally. We divorced and got back together till jan 2014. I ended the relationship (he promised to change and stop cheating and all that crud...he was trying, but I could not mentally deal with the relationship anymore). Well, he dated someone last year for a short time, and i did not find out till my kids came home from visiting him (he lives in another state than we do). I found out his ex gf now was with them part of the visit. I had no knowledge of this. After i fpynd out, I told him how I did not appreciate it. I wanna know who is going to be around my kids if you are gonna be dating. I would have the same respect for you and you can talk to the guy i date a few times before he is introduced to my kids. But I wanna know that the person you date is gonna be a good influence to my kids. His kind of people he hung out with here were people who partied and got drunk a lot. No thanks. I do not want that for my kids. Well, eventually they broke up. I saw a facebook post she posted of herself drunk on the floor and being wasted. So I am glad she is no longer his gf. It is his choice and treat ight who he is with. But my kids do not get that right to pick who he is with, and i want someone whom i can respect. And no, people with kids and dating people with kids can enjoy a few drinks. But I think posting being drunk on facebook is just not who i want around my kids. Anyways, he is now in a new relationship. I messaged him that the kids will be visiting soon for spring break, and no matter if he is still with this new gf or a new one, my kids are not allowed to meet her until a year after they dated, and I am not trying to be demanding, but I am to speak to her personally, not in a text message, email or facebook. I want to talk verbally to her and find out how she feels about him having kids and how she will treat my kids and stuff like that. I also, this morning, talked to his mother about this as well. She still lives in my city. She actually understands my feelings. But he may not care about them. He always took me for granted, and treated me like crud, as well as our kids. He is not a good dad. If it was not for his mother, i would cut him out completely. He does not think of them and their needs. He is more concerned about handling his loneliness and horniness than seeing how his kids are. Once i told him how his son was sick, and I am trying to comfort him. He was being rude to me before i told him our kid was sick. He continued to go off on me, and he was even more nasty, calling me a c*nt and b*tch. I took my son in to see a dr earlier and he had a very bad cold and a fever. All i wanted to do was relax with my son, not to be called nasty names. He never asked how his son was feeling after all of that. He just does not show he cares about the kids. I know not everyone was meant to have kids. But we have kids, and i want him to be a dad, but he does not act like one. But i dont know what to do anymore. He wants the party kinda girls that is loose, and i want my kids to have a good role model for them if he one day gets married and all. Am i in the wrong for asking him not to introduce our kids to his new girl friend till they dated a year? I could of course change the timeing to less. But is it wrong to ask this? And is it wrong that I asked to personally speak to her before she gets to meet them? She does not know the real him and i think he is afraid of me speaking to her cuz i will tell her what he put me through as well. If she is a great lady, i do not wanna see her hurting like how i was. If he hurt me, he could do it to her as well. But anyways, just...am i wrong for how i feel of the need to get to know her first? Thx.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 23, 2016 at 1:53 PM
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DragonGirl319
by on Jan. 23, 2016 at 2:08 PM
I fully understand wanting to know who is around your kids and being sure they are good people. But that's not the way it works, unfortunately. It sounds like your ex is a mean douche but unless you can get supervised visits only ordered for his time with the kids, there's not much you can do about it. He doesn't have to get your approval or even make you aware of who he introduces the kids to. Its his choice...
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 23, 2016 at 2:28 PM
Yeah, sadly i know that. I just want a positively amazing lady for my kids if he chooses to meet another female and all. I am all for him dating and being happy. I gave up on love personally, and i could care less if i date or not. I have not dated since i left him for good. I am trying to get myself mentally happier for my kids sake first before i start dating again. I just wish he cared about our kids more than his dang penis and getting these girls who are not right for the kids. Ive seen the people he used to hang with. All trashy. Now, i am hoping he found a great girl with this person. At least i want to know who she is before she meets our kids. Thats all. It will put my mind at ease. I wish things did not end up where they ended up at. I wished he never cheated and loved us. But...he didnt. I just want the best for our kids now..

Quoting DragonGirl319: I fully understand wanting to know who is around your kids and being sure they are good people. But that's not the way it works, unfortunately. It sounds like your ex is a mean douche but unless you can get supervised visits only ordered for his time with the kids, there's not much you can do about it. He doesn't have to get your approval or even make you aware of who he introduces the kids to. Its his choice...
amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Jan. 23, 2016 at 2:55 PM

Do you have anything in your custody order about not allowing people either of you are dating around the kids until each of you have met the other person's new SO as well as there being a length of time that you/he must be dating that person before they meet the kids?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 23, 2016 at 3:11 PM
When i got divorced, i origionally was actually going for sole custody. I heard its not always easy, but i could have won cuz my ex did not care. His mom felt if i did this, it meant ahe would not be able to see them as much, wjich id never do anything to take her away from them. I just wanted what was best for the kids. But i changed it and not he gets them every other holiday (minus halloween) as well as 3 weekends he has visitations. But since he moved, he cannot get them the way he could have. And even when he was down here still, his mom was the one with the kids on his time while he stayed home and not spending time with them, or off with his friend. Unfortunately there as nothing stating he cannot have a gf of course, or that she could not meet the kids right away. This is just me being the momma bear wanting to protect her kids. Thats all. I want him happy with the right female. Even after he hurt me, i do not care anymore personally. I will care if he hurts someone else. No one needs to be hurt by anyone. But neither do our kids. I know i cannot force it. Its just more of a request. Which i would do the same for him. Although he would not care to be hoest. He just does not want to be with his kids like a father should. I woshed i just stuck with the sole custody deal. They would npt be out of their lives and all. But idk. I love my kids dearly. I want a stable father for them and a stable someday step mother. We did talk many times before we got divorced that if we divorced and met other people, we need to talk first to each person who would be in their lives someday (we already knew by the time saying this we did not wanna be together, but kept tying to make it work). Vut, not, not on the divorce or custody paperwork. So i can see why this is dumb.

Quoting amonkeymom:

Do you have anything in your custody order about not allowing people either of you are dating around the kids until each of you have met the other person's new SO as well as there being a length of time that you/he must be dating that person before they meet the kids?

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