Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Thanks for the Invite...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies

Last week my SO, who I have a 3 year old dd with, told me "(DD) and I are going to my mom's next Sunday at three. You are welcome to come too if you want." I thought the way he put it was strange. It was obviously a command type thing, when normally he'd just ask. So I realize a few days later that it's Mother's day and I guess that I'm welcome to hang out with my kid if I want. I've tried to let it go and not say anything, but for some reason it's just really bothering me. I don't want to be petty, but damn. I'm her mom. I almost died having her. He supposedly loves me, but this feels like a dismissal. 

For the record, I do get stressed out when we go to his mom's sometimes because she has a pool and he usually ends up napping in a chair (which makes everyone go "aw he's so tired, he works too hard.") while I run around watching out kid because I feel like it's not everyone else's job to babysit her. However, I never refuse to go or get mad about going, I just ask that he, you know, be awake if we're going to visit with his family. 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 8, 2016 at 11:33 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Supercooper07
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2016 at 11:40 AM
1 mom liked this

Maybe he was trying to give you an out if you didn't want to go to his mother's house.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 8, 2016 at 11:43 AM

maybe... but why not just talk to me? Why make plans to go out on mother's day with our kid if you think I won't want to go. I hate that he was so rude about it. 

Quoting Supercooper07:

Maybe he was trying to give you an out if you didn't want to go to his mother's house.


Supercooper07
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2016 at 11:49 AM
Is he normally a rude person? If not then maybe he didn't mean it the way you took it.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

maybe... but why not just talk to me? Why make plans to go out on mother's day with our kid if you think I won't want to go. I hate that he was so rude about it. 

Quoting Supercooper07:

Maybe he was trying to give you an out if you didn't want to go to his mother's house.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2016 at 12:13 PM

If he planned to celebrate YOU as well, if he got you a card or gift, or took you out for a meal to acknowledge Mother's Day then I think that's fair enough, that he spend some time with his mom, I think you should go, and bring her a gift. But if he's just ignoring your motherhood then I'd be pissed too.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 8, 2016 at 8:28 PM

Yeah I didn't get anything. He slept in today, was rude when I asked him to get up and was not helpful getting the kids ready (I have two from my first marriage who are with me today, as mother's day is always my day.) I suggested that we stop and get his mom a card and the girls had two that they really liked, he bought me the runner up... and signed it in front of me and I told him that it was nice, but not really how cards normall work. He was basically like "well now I got you something so it's no big deal." I think he only gave it to me because my 11 year old kept talking about how nice it was that we were getting his mom a card, and even pointed out the car window at a family having a picnic with their kids "I wonder what else they're doing for Mother's Day. Do you think her husband got her a card? I bet he did."

I'm not going to lie, seeing all the nice things my friends were doing and getting for Mother's Day made me a little heart broken. 

Quoting Lindalou907:

If he planned to celebrate YOU as well, if he got you a card or gift, or took you out for a meal to acknowledge Mother's Day then I think that's fair enough, that he spend some time with his mom, I think you should go, and bring her a gift. But if he's just ignoring your motherhood then I'd be pissed too.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 8, 2016 at 8:33 PM

We've been going through a rough patch. He hasn't been as nice or attentive as I would like and he has been treating my like a pain when I try to talk to him or do things with him. As a result, a lot of our friends don't come over anymore and he's gotten kind of pissy about that. He can be the nicest guy in the world and he's a great dad, but there are some missing pieces when it comes to our relationship. I just started teaching and he resents that I have to take work home with me, or take online classes. He's frustrated with his job, and even though I'm supportive of him taking the time for himself to get the certifications he wants, he hasn't make an attempt.

SO short answer, yeah, he's been an ass lately. I can't say anything against him eg: "I know what you where you were coming from, but the way you said that was really rude" would send him into a fury. "Get off my ass. You're always bitching at me and trying to make me feel bad, like I treat  you horribly. WTF if your problem." (This is an actual conversation that we had the other day about him talking about my sister and we were FINE before I said anything.)

Quoting Supercooper07: Is he normally a rude person? If not then maybe he didn't mean it the way you took it.
Quoting Anonymous 1:

maybe... but why not just talk to me? Why make plans to go out on mother's day with our kid if you think I won't want to go. I hate that he was so rude about it. 

Quoting Supercooper07:

Maybe he was trying to give you an out if you didn't want to go to his mother's house.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 8, 2016 at 11:25 PM
I'm not sure I'd put up with that. People go through crap but if it's been going on for a while then it may be time to take action and demand change.
Supercooper07
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2016 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this
His attitude towards you is unnecessary. I can understand him beimg fristrated with work etc. but taking it out on you isn't okay. I know it will make him angry but you should call him out and, like another poster said, demand change.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

We've been going through a rough patch. He hasn't been as nice or attentive as I would like and he has been treating my like a pain when I try to talk to him or do things with him. As a result, a lot of our friends don't come over anymore and he's gotten kind of pissy about that. He can be the nicest guy in the world and he's a great dad, but there are some missing pieces when it comes to our relationship. I just started teaching and he resents that I have to take work home with me, or take online classes. He's frustrated with his job, and even though I'm supportive of him taking the time for himself to get the certifications he wants, he hasn't make an attempt.

SO short answer, yeah, he's been an ass lately. I can't say anything against him eg: "I know what you where you were coming from, but the way you said that was really rude" would send him into a fury. "Get off my ass. You're always bitching at me and trying to make me feel bad, like I treat  you horribly. WTF if your problem." (This is an actual conversation that we had the other day about him talking about my sister and we were FINE before I said anything.)

Quoting Supercooper07: Is he normally a rude person? If not then maybe he didn't mean it the way you took it.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

maybe... but why not just talk to me? Why make plans to go out on mother's day with our kid if you think I won't want to go. I hate that he was so rude about it. 

Quoting Supercooper07:

Maybe he was trying to give you an out if you didn't want to go to his mother's house.

Jinxed8
by Silver Member on May. 9, 2016 at 11:35 AM

I feel like he gave you an out.  I know that with my ex-husband if I could do away with visiting his bat-crap-crazy certified mother I took it and ran. And I did it whenever he gave me a choice.

Just like yesterday I didn't even offer DH to come with us to my mom's house.  I went with DD.  I assume he didn't feel like coming it's not his mother after all I didn't see the need for him to come either. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 9, 2016 at 2:42 PM
Telling you you didn't have to visit his mother and instead could have peace and quiet was a Mother's Day gift.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)