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You can't ask first? Really?? (UPDATE - No phone, but he's still an idiot)

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:24 AM
  • 37 Replies

Ugh... So long story short... Dds bio dad hardly comes around. His choice. He always has some excuse and is always saying "next week" to add insult to injury when she wants to see him ... He might call once or twice every 2 weeks or so.

Well, she turns 10 today. We're having her party this weekend and bio dad ACTUALLY called and said he could make it. (After bitching at me a week ago to change the time because he has to work and can't get free - tough luck buttercup... Ya got a week to figure it out)

Anywho... He called her last night while I had class. And she's naturally excited to see her dad yada yada... She of course asks for a hint on what her got her and he says "Well, I'm talking to you through it now"

A fucking cell phone. At 10.

No. Just no. He KNOWS where I stand on this and 10 is just too young in my opinion to have a phone. And before y'all jump up and down hootin' and hollerin' about "Well he's her dad, he can make decisions too"

No. He gave that right up when he signed all custody over to me and willingly signed his rights away. He has ZERO right to make that kind of decision without talking it over with me first.

I just learned of this not 15 minutes ago before she left for school. So I sent him a text asking him to call me today and am going to tell him that I don't appreciate him making that sort of decision when he's not even in the picture...

But... Now I'm stuck. If he really did get her a phone I'm going to be the bad guy if I tell her she can't have it. BUT she's already proved to me that she can't be trusted with things like that. She broke her tablet (cracked the screen, but it still works)... she gets on Google and looks up things that she doesn't need to, and she just isn't responsible enough or old enough yet for a damn cell phone! I have control of her tablet now and she can only use it in the living room and shes lost ALL access to the internet.

But does bio dad know this? Nope. Why?

Because he never thinks to TALK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING and I never think to tell him anything because why should I? He only comes around when it's convenient for him (which isn't often)

So here we go. This should be interesting. Wish me luck that I don't rip him a new one today! Ugh!!

Oh! And one more thing... Before the comments about "Why are you letting her have internet?" Come about...

She likes to watch you tube and this kid called Dan TDM. He plays Minecraft and shows little tricks and fun things to do in the game... She has said game so she likes to watch his videos and go build/do whatever it is that he does.

Yes there is a child lock on the tablet, but we're extremely busy most times and she knows how to wait until I'm distracted to ask of she can watch YouTube to get me to take it off. So I do with the rule that she has to stay in the living room... Then I get sidetracked with schoolwork and she sneaks off. Yes, my fault too...but now it's under control. No internet, ever, and I dictate when and where she can play with the tablet.

Good morning Wednesday vent!!! Sorry if anything is misspelled ... I'm on mobile.


Okay, Y'all so I have an update... Bio dad called and I asked him about it... He claims that he didn't get one and I asked him what the statement "I'm talking to you through it now" was... He says that he meant that he had got a new truck and could make calls through the radio... Sooo a new truck is her present? Lol... I don't see how, but hell, half the time I don't know wtf he's talking about anyway... 

So there is no new cell phone and he agreed with me about her being too young. Good thing I didnt start cussing him out huh? LOL Maybe he meant that he was going to try to take her out or something? He didn't say.. 

Although, he did get pissy because for whatever reason he had it in his head that the party was this Sunday (when I told him over a week ago it was Saturday, the 10th...) 

He then wanted to argue with me that the 10th WAS Sunday. 

I told him to pull up his big boy pants and learn his days of the week... don't they teach that in kindergarten? 

God, y'all see what I have to deal with? Now he's all butthurt because he "doesn't know if he can make it" 

Guess the bar must be having a special that day. 


by on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:28 AM
My 9 year old has a cell phone. Its a cheap prepaid one. It has no internet and no camera. It's just for emergencies and for him to call his dad or family. My son is extremely responsible. Ehh. I would put locks on the phone as well, but let her keep it.
WillowRose24
by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:31 AM
Yes, but knowing him he probably went out and got some sort of ridiculous smart phone... Which is why I need to talk to him about it.

It just pisses me off that he feels he can make decisions like that but not put forth any effort to REALLY be a dad.

Like, sure you helped make her... But my dh is her "dad" you were just a sperm donor.


Quoting Anonymous 1: My 9 year old has a cell phone. Its a cheap prepaid one. It has no internet and no camera. It's just for emergencies and for him to call his dad or family. My son is extremely responsible. Ehh. I would put locks on the phone as well, but let her keep it.
YuppyMom
by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:31 AM
My daughter had a cell phone at 7. I felt she needed it. I do not see having one as harmful.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:35 AM
True. And if he is like my stbxh, he will expect you to pay for it. My son really only recieved it because last year a kid held up a classroom in the high school. His bus was super late because it was transporting the high school students and I could not get a hold of him.

Quoting WillowRose24: Yes, but knowing him he probably went out and got some sort of ridiculous smart phone... Which is why I need to talk to him about it.

It just pisses me off that he feels he can make decisions like that but not put forth any effort to REALLY be a dad.

Like, sure you helped make her... But my dh is her "dad" you were just a sperm donor.


Quoting Anonymous 1: My 9 year old has a cell phone. Its a cheap prepaid one. It has no internet and no camera. It's just for emergencies and for him to call his dad or family. My son is extremely responsible. Ehh. I would put locks on the phone as well, but let her keep it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:35 AM

He most likely doesn't have more contact with her because of your relationship with him. When parents don't get along, the kids are the ones who suffer and most men lose their relationships with their children because they don't want to deal with the ex. Now that she's older, he's probably trying to establish his own relationship with her and the phone is the first step. I'd let her have it, but with certain boundaries. It would be only for contacting him and keep it in the house. Don't let her take it to school or use it other than to keep contact with her father.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:36 AM
Also depends on the kid as well. My son won't spend all day on the phone. He is mature for his age. I don't think I will be as lucky with my daughter.

Quoting YuppyMom: My daughter had a cell phone at 7. I felt she needed it. I do not see having one as harmful.
WillowRose24
by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:41 AM
Yes, I can understand it IF the child is responsible.

My daughter is not. She's so far from ready to have a phone. Lol

He'd know that if he spent any real time with her.


Quoting YuppyMom: My daughter had a cell phone at 7. I felt she needed it. I do not see having one as harmful.
mommytoeandb
by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:42 AM
As irresponsible as he is, how does he plan to pay the bill? If you don't want her to have unlimited access, put a passcode on the phone.

My daughter turns 13 this month and doesn't have a cell phone. We are thinking about a text and call only phone.
WillowRose24
by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:45 AM
Nope. We're civil. And I've never, ever tried to keep them apart.

He is the one who "forgets" things or calls to make changes last minute... Or just doesn't call at all.

When she was younger he'd say that he would come pick her up and she'd pack her bags and literally sit by the window watching for him... 9x out of 10 he wouldn't show.

Then the very next day, there are pics of him all over his Facebook page of the bar and what a "great" time he had all while his daughter is heartbroken because daddy lied... Again.

I've spent many a night consoling her and coming up with excuses for him to save her feelings.

He is NOT the victim here. He's just a 30 year old, piece of shit who still lives at home in his mommy's basement.


Quoting Anonymous 2:

He most likely doesn't have more contact with her because of your relationship with him. When parents don't get along, the kids are the ones who suffer and most men lose their relationships with their children because they don't want to deal with the ex. Now that she's older, he's probably trying to establish his own relationship with her and the phone is the first step. I'd let her have it, but with certain boundaries. It would be only for contacting him and keep it in the house. Don't let her take it to school or use it other than to keep contact with her father.

WillowRose24
by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 7:47 AM
He's just realizing now that he's missed pretty much the last 6 years of her life and doesn't know how to be a parent.

His own fault. Not mine.


Quoting WillowRose24: Nope. We're civil. And I've never, ever tried to keep them apart.

He is the one who "forgets" things or calls to make changes last minute... Or just doesn't call at all.

When she was younger he'd say that he would come pick her up and she'd pack her bags and literally sit by the window watching for him... 9x out of 10 he wouldn't show.

Then the very next day, there are pics of him all over his Facebook page of the bar and what a "great" time he had all while his daughter is heartbroken because daddy lied... Again.

I've spent many a night consoling her and coming up with excuses for him to save her feelings.

He is NOT the victim here. He's just a 30 year old, piece of shit who still lives at home in his mommy's basement.


Quoting Anonymous 2:

He most likely doesn't have more contact with her because of your relationship with him. When parents don't get along, the kids are the ones who suffer and most men lose their relationships with their children because they don't want to deal with the ex. Now that she's older, he's probably trying to establish his own relationship with her and the phone is the first step. I'd let her have it, but with certain boundaries. It would be only for contacting him and keep it in the house. Don't let her take it to school or use it other than to keep contact with her father.

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