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am i over-reacting to his watching porn?

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2016 at 10:08 PM
  • 57 Replies
1 mom liked this
i need advice.. dh has been looking at porn on his phone for quite some time now and i am upset about this. its not that hes looking at porn that bothers me but the amount of it that hes looking at. copious amounts of it. now at this present moment i understand i just had a baby so there is no sex for him, but this was going on when we were having a very healthy sex life as well. i also want to add that i have never denied him any request that has been made. so ladies what do i do about this? i dont want to ask him to completely stop looking at it but tone down how much beccause it is making me doubt my worth in this relationship
by on Sep. 7, 2016 at 10:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
birdfeeder
by Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 11:36 PM
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Your first step is to talk to him about it and the concerns you have.

He may be a casual porn viewer....

But he may also be oh his way to it being an addiction.

I don't mean to be negative or an alarmist..... but this could end up very bad for him, you, and your marriage.

You can email me if you ever want.... but I won't say much more at this forum.

Congratulations on the baby!!!

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Sep. 8, 2016 at 1:43 AM

How much time are we talking about?

jws120567
by Bronze Member on Sep. 8, 2016 at 2:36 AM

I'd be most concerned about him going over the allotted monthly wifi coverage.  If the guy is horny and you aren't able to give the guy a hand at the moment, let him have his outlet.  At least he's not cheating with a physical person.

ReadWriteLuv
by Bronze Member on Sep. 8, 2016 at 3:33 AM
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This is a "you" issue, not a "him" issue. Unless it's interfering with his daily activities and ability to function as a human being, or robbing your bank account of dollars, you are over reacting.

Self esteem is a good thing.
catonastick
by Member on Sep. 8, 2016 at 6:15 AM

I doubt he watches/looks because of you, so dont worry about that.

Most men are just horny creatures and like looking at woman. (I say most because there is always that one woman that claims her husband has absolutely no desire to see naked woman. LOL)

Wait until your hormones calm down and have a serious talk with him. Let him know how it makes you feel. Also find out what he likes about it, maybe something from it can be added to your life.(?)

I do have to ask, how come having a baby stopped your sex life?

catonastick
by Member on Sep. 8, 2016 at 6:21 AM
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I used to think like you...but no more.

Its not always simply a self esteem issue. Some people do view it as a form of cheating. 

If she has made it clear that she doesnt like the idea of porn in their marriage (for whatever reason) and he's still looking, its a Him issue.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv: This is a "you" issue, not a "him" issue. Unless it's interfering with his daily activities and ability to function as a human being, or robbing your bank account of dollars, you are over reacting. Self esteem is a good thing.


*Yes I hear voices in my head, but I don't speak French so I just ignore them*

Marie207
by Bronze Member on Sep. 8, 2016 at 6:48 AM

I would ask him to stop.  Wow I did not know so many men look at porn, right in front of their wives and s/o.  Men I know don't watch that much and their s/o or woves don't even know.  If it consumes that much of his time, he may have a sex related problem and need some dam help.  Ask him to go to a porn watching ann group, by himseld, not with  you.  lol

lovemercygrace
by Member on Sep. 8, 2016 at 7:06 AM
2 moms liked this
If you have an issue with it, then you need to communicate that with him. Don't let anyone on here tell you you are over reacting or not over reacting, everyone's feelings on porn is different. Porn has no place in our marriage.
lucybrown1973
by Bronze Member on Sep. 8, 2016 at 9:50 AM

I would say to him just as you said to us here.  Tell him you really don't mind but ask him to tone it down a bit.

amberpaiz
by New Member on Sep. 8, 2016 at 3:36 PM
ok so to answer some of the questions on here; we are not having sex becauase i have not been cleared by my doctor to do so yet. i had a c-section and their were complications prior to me leaving the hospital.i beileve it will be a few more weeks and will get the ok. also its not that hes looking at porn that bothers me its the amount of it. on any given day its 100's of videos. he has switched to the night shift so comes home and sleeps til its time to get ready for work and hops on porn right before leaving. i have asked him before if he was looking at it because something from our relationship was lacking he said no i give him everything he needs so i am still confused about why the excessive need. i have never been one to shy away from any request he has had. i guess one of the things i should mention here is that he is looking at porn about girls from his ethnicity and i am wondering if thats one of his issues. i am a white female and he is guatamalan and is looking at girls of the like. i have approached this as well and he says im just being paranoid and its all in my head. i cant help but think though that hes trying to deflect the attention away from the real issue-the amount and i feel like he feels its his right as a man. i dont know if this should be a deal breaker but i feel like there are three people in this relationship now, him me and porn
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