Ugh...

[AnotherKim]

I've been asked to foster a family member's children.

Issue 1: Their dad is a punk-ass, POS who likes to hit women. I'd have to keep Pepper Spray by every door in my house.

Issue 2: It's family. Grandmother is a controlling bitch who will make my life miserable.

Issue 3: Family shit. Their grandma caused a rift in the family that made us all not speak to her for 5 years. We're just now patching it up for grandpa's sake.

Issue 4: My husband thinks it's a BAD IDEA because of issues 2 and 3.

Issue 5: My license is for kid's with disabilities and changing it is problematic.

Reasons to take them:

1. They've been split up and it's breaking my heart.

2. Their grandfather and I are close relatives and I have a hard time telling him no.

Grandparents can't take the kids because they live to close to the parents, and mom is really good at manipulating grandma. What to do. What to do.

[Anonymous 1]

Wow. There really is no good answer here, is there?
If you get out of your head, put aside all of the positives/negatives, and sit silently with yourself for a minute, what does your gut tell you?

[MixedCooke]

Take them, warn the father you will get a restraining order, tell grandma that either she abides by your rules or she can say goodbye to her grandkids because disrespect will not be tolerated.

[AnotherKim]

The husband put his foot down on this one. It's a no-go.

[Anonymous 2]

I guess you don't have to worry about it now.

[AnotherKim]

The family bullshit is ridiculous. He doesn't want to deal with it again.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

I guess you don't have to worry about it now.

[Anonymous 3]

I feel bad for the kids and you too, but how is creating emotional chaos in your home good for the people who live there now?

Sometimes we must say no, can't take on that responsibility at this time, sorry.

[Anonymous 4]

I think if you already can't enforce appropriate boundaries with the grandma then I'd say no.

[AnotherKim]

It's not establishing appropriate boundries. It's the shit she'll try to start. I had put her out of my life for 5 years. It's that the grandfather is a close family member, and I hated that he was torn between loyality to her and loyality to the rest of the family. 

Quoting Anonymous 4: I think if you already can't enforce appropriate boundaries with the grandma then I'd say no.

[Anonymous 4]

The grandfather, presumably, is his own person and if he is torn then that's his decision because he still puts up with her. You aren't responsible for him, as harsh as that sounds. People worrying about what the grandma will do or what she will start is ridiculous. Ignore her,
ignore her drama, if nobody buys into her bs it has zero power. She knows she can pull people's strings (because they let her) and the 'because they let her' is the reason I said it's best not to take on the fosters. Absolutely nobody can stir anything up if everybody turns their backs and ignores it.

Quoting AnotherKim:

It's not establishing appropriate boundries. It's the shit she'll try to start. I had put her out of my life for 5 years. It's that the grandfather is a close family member, and I hated that he was torn between loyality to her and loyality to the rest of the family. 

Quoting Anonymous 4: I think if you already can't enforce appropriate boundaries with the grandma then I'd say no.