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Alone and frustrated.

Posted by on Sep. 7, 2017 at 7:11 PM
  • 9 Replies
I look around sometimes and think am I the only one failing at parenting? I am the assistant director of a daycare and have working with kids for 15 years I should know what I'm doing right?? I am at a complete loss with my almost 4 year old son. His behavior is just awful and I am out of ideas. Do we all need therapy??? He doesn't listen to a damn thing, has an answer for everything and thinks all rules dont aply to him. He is also extremely active and can not sit still ever! He hits kids at school sometimes provoked sometimes not which is so embarrassing because I am there with him sometimes having to call the parents of the kids he's hurting to let them know it is killing me. We have literally tried everything my husband has no idea how to deal with him and I am at a complete loss. Any advice would be helpful otherwise I'm just venting.
by on Sep. 7, 2017 at 7:11 PM
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Replies (1-9):
lucky2Beeme
by Bronze Member on Sep. 7, 2017 at 7:17 PM
I would start with a complete physical. Talk to his Dr tell him everything,don't be embarrassed. Read about reducing red dyes in his food and drinks. Red dye can reek havoc in some children. You will have to be real vigilant about reading labels. Also watch his sugar intake. Journal his life as best you can for 1 month. Foods, times he eats, sleeps, when he acts out . Everything you can think of. See if there is any pattern.
sinbad127
by Member on Sep. 7, 2017 at 7:18 PM
1 mom liked this
Sometimes as a parent you are too close to the situation. Look for professional help. I hope that the situation improves.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 7, 2017 at 9:19 PM

Teachers are usually too lenient with their own children.  Older mothers also tolerate too much crap.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 7, 2017 at 9:23 PM

What grade is he in?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 7, 2017 at 11:45 PM
Sounds like mine, you're not alone and it's not for lack of parenting. I'd suggest Intensive home therapy, but they might only suggest what you're already doing, happened with me.

Has he been evaluated? Maybe there's something else going on. What works for us is strong but firm punishment. If you give him an inch he will take a mile. Whatever I say I follow through with. I had to learn to be very direct, because when I tried to be the easy parent it blew up back in my face.

It may seem hard, but even if you have to put him in time out every 5mins, it'll show that there are consequences to his actions. For mine writing works. I post the rules on the fridge and whatever rule he breaks, he has to sit and write it 5x (even if it's multiple times a day), but he's a few years older. I put him on an afternoon schedule, whatever he doesn't do when he's supposed to, that's his time that he misses out on playtime. We've even cut out sweets (like tea) that he has to earn back, TV time unless earned for the weekend (by good behavior all week at school), and outings. I don't take him out until he acts right. It may seem harsh, but it works for us. And trust me we have tried EVERYTHING.

So I'm not saying this will work for your son, but get
creative. See what he likes and make him earn that privilage. The younger the better. Give him consequences that are age appropriate. I know what it's like, hang in there.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 8, 2017 at 9:17 AM
I would suggest drawing a line and not allowing him to cross it. Make sure everything he does has a consequence.
It sounds like your not very firm and your son knows it. He knows your word mean very little.
sunnyhope123
by on Sep. 10, 2017 at 11:00 PM

Hi!  There are strong willed children which I am sure you are aware of, and there are early signs of ADD.  As a mom and a teacher as well, I would suggest that you find what is most important to him TV, game boy, riding his bike, whatever and start with a sticker chart.  Every day he does well or morning even, he gets a sticker and extra free time doing what he wants.  If he does not do well then no sticker.  He will want to behave so he can have more free time.  If it doesn't help then I would see his doctor and see what he recommends.  He may need some help controlling his behavior and that is a good place to start.  Most of all don't blame yourself.  You can do only so much.  Keep open communication with your husband.  You need his support not to isolate each other and play the blame game.  Keep on keeping on!!  

gjetson33
by on Sep. 22, 2017 at 11:38 PM

Im sorry that you are feeling this way. I dont have much advice, but I want to encourage you that you are a good mom. You are not doing anything wrong. Parenting is not easy, you hang in there. I pray things change you and your family soon.hugs

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Sep. 24, 2017 at 7:52 AM

I don't mean for this to sound too harsh, but maybe your child is just spoiled? Kids learn how to manipulate elders and some are good at it. They figure out that if they scream and pitch a fit that you'll give them what they are wanting, or they learn that you do not carry out your threat of punishment. Some comments on here about early ADD... the kid is 4. Hes not built to sit still and comply all the time. I, personally, do not believe in medicating and seeking therapy for children so young, but with that being said, you know your child and the situation.

My dd, who is 3 -- will be 4 in feb-- is no princess and I am by no means a perfect parent, but when I say "no" she knows that's what I mean. I do not spank but I do use timeouts, or take toys away, when shes done something deserving of it, but I also try to "praise" her when she does good.

So, my advice, be stern. You have to be. Teach him that, yes, there are consequences to his actions, good and bad. Take away his privileges when he doesn't listen. If hes hitting out of anger, put him in timeout and let him calm down. Talk with him, not at him, about his emotions, if you see that hes upset or overwhelmed. He also could be acting out due to just wanting some attention, so maybe just try setting aside 30 minutes or so after the hustle of the day for just you two or "family time". It will be hard, of course parenting is hard anyways, but make it known to him that he cannot hit and be mean without repercussion.

Parenting is hard and every parent has their own struggles. You know what's best for your child.

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