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Coach told my kid he was "unnecessary"

Posted by Anonymous
  • 27 Replies

13DS runs track because his father wants him to.  Coach knows that there is some level of duress, but DS shows up for practice, runs in his meets and does better than average, and is an excellent student in every other way.  He just doesn't like sports.

Yesterday, before a meet, DS and 3 friends were horsing around, sitting around a tree, tossing mulch and/or twigs at each other.  They got reprimanded and apologized and stopped.

Upon return to the school, Coach called DS and 1 of the others (other 2 had left, already) into his office and told them that "they were unnecessary and unneeded and could hand in their stuff tomorrow if they wanted to".

I wouldn't have cared if they had to clean the bathrooms or run laps or sit out the next meet or anything else you could think of by way of reprimand for the behavior.  But nobody gets to call my child, or anyone else's, "unnecessary", in any context.  Especially when, as a teacher and a coach, he's supposed to be 'changing hearts and minds' and, instead, did this.

DS is not quitting track because he won't give the coach the satisfaction, because he doesn't want to fight with his father, and because he's hoping that if he sticks it out and never actually develops the love of athletics that his father SWEARS will come then his little brother won't be forced to endure the same compulsory sports activities.

My ex thinks that my reaction to this statement is out of line, that the coach was doing his job, and that DS deserved the put down.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 13, 2017 at 2:53 PM
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by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 13, 2017 at 3:02 PM
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Your ex is right. Your son acted inappropriately, and the coach is well within his rights to say what he did. Your son is not an asset to the team as an athlete, and his behavior is further proof that he doesn't really want to be there.

Sports should be done because the kid wants to participate, not because they feel they owe it to some guy who bases his attention toward said kid on the kids level of athleticism.
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 13, 2017 at 3:07 PM
Your ex is correct.
by Silver Member on Oct. 13, 2017 at 8:27 PM
5 moms liked this

Shame on you for not sticking up for your kid and not browbeating your idiotic ex for insisting he stay in sports.  I am telling you now, this will make your kid come to hate his father.  And when he's grown and has a family of his own, don't be surprised if he makes up excuses about spending time with you two when you're old and gray.  

The coach knows your kid doesn't want to be on the track team.  He's giving him an out.  Your kid should take it.

by on Oct. 13, 2017 at 8:56 PM
1 mom liked this
My oh my, can I ever relate to this. I have for adult sons, all of whom played sports in one form or another, but one of them is a Senior in college and plays Division 1 football.
My son has had to deal with coaches who have both encouraged and grossly discouraged him and of course, the Momma Bear in me wanted to “set them straight....” well, in one extreme case in middle school when he was running a 103 degree temp during practice in the middle of the summer and the coach accused him of “slacking” I did set him straight (not one of my finest moments)....but I have learned that often coaches will “say” things in order to “motivate” their players....
Is that right or a correct approach? All I can say is for some children’s personalities that  brand of “motivation” seems to work....for others, it’s more hurtful than helpful.
One great thing that has come out of my son’s “sticking with it” over the years, even at times when if it had been left to me, I would’ve pulled him, he has gained a strong sense of perseverance, thick skin, dedication, and resilience, not to mention good friendships, and even though your sweet son is enduring some things he doesn’t enjoy, I can bet he’ll probably take (in even greater measure than he already has them) some of the very same characteristics away from this experience.
Your son is a very noble young man as he is also enduring all of this with his younger brother in mind. That says a lot about the young man that he is! 
So, may I encourage you to continue to hang in there and build him up, especially if the coach continues to be discouraging to him!
You’ve got a fine young man on your hands and that is undoubtedly because of the way you and your husband have raised him! Best wishes to you all!
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 13, 2017 at 10:07 PM

Sometimes that type of talk is to entice a student to show the coach how wrong he is.

I'm not endorsing this type method at all, just pointing it out.

by Gold Member on Oct. 14, 2017 at 10:47 AM

No, he didn't deserve to be told something like that. How awful. I'd be so angry!

I think your kiddo is quite the young man! I'm glad he won't give in and give up!

by Anonymous 5 on Oct. 14, 2017 at 2:27 PM
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If a child shows no interest in sports or so on.. I never got parents for pushing their own failed dreams or successful dreams on the kids.

Kids will only preform well when they love it! Not by pushing!

My children play hockey.. I do not need to push them.. they ush me and tell me when they want private lessons, new stick etc. and by no means are they bench warmers.

At 13 I see no problem with coach taking actions by telling kids they should not be going to practice, give it up or what ever else. He is being honest.. and nothing is worse than having a child that doesn’t want to be there and fooling around!

With that said coach should of spoken to you or your hubby about it after.
by Bronze Member on Oct. 14, 2017 at 8:06 PM

The coach made a poor attempt at the "everyone is replaceable, so if you aren't invested then don't waste everyone's time" speech. I would have spoken to the coach directly about this choice of words. 

If he's giving that speech then there is a good chance this isn't the first time he's spoken to these kids about not goofing off, appropriate behavior, etc.

by Anonymous 6 on Oct. 14, 2017 at 9:43 PM

Your son wasn't doing anything particularly awful here. Kids are going to do silly things like toss dirt at each other or otherwise engage in horseplay--it's not like middle school kids are known for being mature adults ;)

Yes, the coach should have corrected them but he should not have told them they were "unnecessary". Use a more creative corrective action like extra laps or something--no reason to make the kids feel like shit.

Your son's dad also is not doing him any favors by pushing him in a particular direction for his activities. I'm sure your son has his own interests, so don't get why his dad is insisting on sports if that's not your son's thing?

Anyhow, sounds like your son has a good handle on the situation by hanging in there.

by Anonymous 7 on Oct. 16, 2017 at 7:30 AM
2 moms liked this

why are you making him do it in the first place??  be a mom and stand up for your DS against his father!!  he should not be forced into doing it!!!  shame on you

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