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vent. Impotence

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 27 Replies
dh and I have been married 18 years. 5 kids. despite being diagnosed with pre diabetes 10 years ago, he decided to do nothing about it and now, at 49, is impotent. not only that, but now that he's finally going to the Dr, he decided not to bring it up (until a couple months ago when I told him I had the name of a divorce lawyer). so for the past year I've been getting embarrassingly bad hand jobs and some weird naked dry humping. For real, I hadn't yet realized he had impotence from his unmanaged diabetes. and, unfortunately, our youngest is now 3 and surely our last, so I've got this stage where I'm desperate for sex. and truth be told, even before the impotence is wasn't so great. yep, not sure what to do, except vent about it. :-/
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 22, 2017 at 1:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jws120567
by Bronze Member on Oct. 22, 2017 at 4:44 AM
1 mom liked this

If you love the man, and he's wonderful in every other way, then get a vibrator.  Sex isn't everything, but love is.

MixedCooke
by Bronze Member on Oct. 22, 2017 at 4:48 AM
VIAGRA
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 22, 2017 at 8:24 AM
I'm struggling to come up with any positive points to our marriage at all. He's only gone to the dentist once in 18 years and his gums spontaneously bleed and his breath is so bad I have to turn my head away when he talks. he never brushes his teeth. he wears the same clothes for days. he washes his laundry once every 3 or 4 months. I feel like the mother of a frat house. dishes and pop cans everywhere, clothes everywhere. he doesn't cut the grass, shovel snow or get garbage cans out. I do. He sits on the sofa and watches sports. even after I ask for help. his idea of spending time with the kids: sitting on the sofa and watching sports with the boys and practical joker shows with the girls. He opened a credit card behind my back, maxed it out and never made a single payment. this is the THIRD time he's done this. Now we wait for the lawyers to contact us after the credit card files against him in court. I had been intercepting and destroying those pre approved offers in the mail because I know he does this. I can't imagine being married to him for the rest of my life and am not sure I can even last until my youngest is off to college, which would be over 15 years from now. The issue with the impotence is that he fast tracked his potential to get diabetes by eating nothing but sugar garbage (the kids and I eat moderately healthy but he won't eat it because it's "leaves and tree bark"), and then he refused to go to a doctor and then refused to mention the symptoms of his diabetes.

Quoting jws120567:

If you love the man, and he's wonderful in every other way, then get a vibrator.  Sex isn't everything, but love is.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 22, 2017 at 8:27 AM
his Dr wrote him a prescription for Cialis but it was $300. and if you read my other reply, you'll understand why even if he can fix that part, it's hard to imagine having sex with him. But I think you're right, Viagra is the original one and probably more reasonably priced.

Quoting MixedCooke: VIAGRA
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 22, 2017 at 8:37 AM
1 mom liked this
I read your post and the replies and if this was my marriage I'd lay it all out on the table for him that things must change for you to continue being married to him, that he doesn't do anything to help himself or anyone else and that that shows you that he is not interested in this family at all. See what he says. He could be depressed and need help. Or he could have just given up, in which case it's time to go.
pumpkinheart
by Member on Oct. 22, 2017 at 8:39 AM
1 mom liked this
Life is too short to spend it unhappy. He's not holding up his end if the marriage, and there's only so much you can do. He's not going to change. He'll end up on dialysis and you will be his caregiver, not his wife.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I'm struggling to come up with any positive points to our marriage at all. He's only gone to the dentist once in 18 years and his gums spontaneously bleed and his breath is so bad I have to turn my head away when he talks. he never brushes his teeth. he wears the same clothes for days. he washes his laundry once every 3 or 4 months. I feel like the mother of a frat house. dishes and pop cans everywhere, clothes everywhere. he doesn't cut the grass, shovel snow or get garbage cans out. I do. He sits on the sofa and watches sports. even after I ask for help. his idea of spending time with the kids: sitting on the sofa and watching sports with the boys and practical joker shows with the girls. He opened a credit card behind my back, maxed it out and never made a single payment. this is the THIRD time he's done this. Now we wait for the lawyers to contact us after the credit card files against him in court. I had been intercepting and destroying those pre approved offers in the mail because I know he does this. I can't imagine being married to him for the rest of my life and am not sure I can even last until my youngest is off to college, which would be over 15 years from now. The issue with the impotence is that he fast tracked his potential to get diabetes by eating nothing but sugar garbage (the kids and I eat moderately healthy but he won't eat it because it's "leaves and tree bark"), and then he refused to go to a doctor and then refused to mention the symptoms of his diabetes.

Quoting jws120567:

If you love the man, and he's wonderful in every other way, then get a vibrator.  Sex isn't everything, but love is.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 22, 2017 at 8:42 AM

How old are you and what do you two do for a living to pay the bills?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 22, 2017 at 6:45 PM
I'm 46, he's 49. I'm a SAHM with a BA in communications. he's an automation engineer. He technically earns a good salary but our kids are in private school, we have a lot of medical bills, and then the credit card fiasco.

Quoting Anonymous 3:

How old are you and what do you two do for a living to pay the bills?

jws120567
by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2017 at 6:42 AM

Oh wow, it sounds like his impotence is the least of your issues with him.  Sounds like he needs a wake-up call in the form of a demand for marriage counseling or divorce papers.  I'm really sorry!

Quoting Anonymous 1: I'm struggling to come up with any positive points to our marriage at all. He's only gone to the dentist once in 18 years and his gums spontaneously bleed and his breath is so bad I have to turn my head away when he talks. he never brushes his teeth. he wears the same clothes for days. he washes his laundry once every 3 or 4 months. I feel like the mother of a frat house. dishes and pop cans everywhere, clothes everywhere. he doesn't cut the grass, shovel snow or get garbage cans out. I do. He sits on the sofa and watches sports. even after I ask for help. his idea of spending time with the kids: sitting on the sofa and watching sports with the boys and practical joker shows with the girls. He opened a credit card behind my back, maxed it out and never made a single payment. this is the THIRD time he's done this. Now we wait for the lawyers to contact us after the credit card files against him in court. I had been intercepting and destroying those pre approved offers in the mail because I know he does this. I can't imagine being married to him for the rest of my life and am not sure I can even last until my youngest is off to college, which would be over 15 years from now. The issue with the impotence is that he fast tracked his potential to get diabetes by eating nothing but sugar garbage (the kids and I eat moderately healthy but he won't eat it because it's "leaves and tree bark"), and then he refused to go to a doctor and then refused to mention the symptoms of his diabetes.
Quoting jws120567:

If you love the man, and he's wonderful in every other way, then get a vibrator.  Sex isn't everything, but love is.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 23, 2017 at 10:16 AM

And you WANT to have sex with him?  It sounds like you need to lay it all out on the line and have a serious heart to heart.  Either something changes with his lifestyle or it's over.  Curious why he does his own laundry if you're a sahm?

Quoting Anonymous 1: I'm struggling to come up with any positive points to our marriage at all. He's only gone to the dentist once in 18 years and his gums spontaneously bleed and his breath is so bad I have to turn my head away when he talks. he never brushes his teeth. he wears the same clothes for days. he washes his laundry once every 3 or 4 months. I feel like the mother of a frat house. dishes and pop cans everywhere, clothes everywhere. he doesn't cut the grass, shovel snow or get garbage cans out. I do. He sits on the sofa and watches sports. even after I ask for help. his idea of spending time with the kids: sitting on the sofa and watching sports with the boys and practical joker shows with the girls. He opened a credit card behind my back, maxed it out and never made a single payment. this is the THIRD time he's done this. Now we wait for the lawyers to contact us after the credit card files against him in court. I had been intercepting and destroying those pre approved offers in the mail because I know he does this. I can't imagine being married to him for the rest of my life and am not sure I can even last until my youngest is off to college, which would be over 15 years from now. The issue with the impotence is that he fast tracked his potential to get diabetes by eating nothing but sugar garbage (the kids and I eat moderately healthy but he won't eat it because it's "leaves and tree bark"), and then he refused to go to a doctor and then refused to mention the symptoms of his diabetes.
Quoting jws120567:

If you love the man, and he's wonderful in every other way, then get a vibrator.  Sex isn't everything, but love is.


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