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My Family is Falling Apart

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
A few months ago dh, our two kids (ages 7 and 18 months) and I moved in with my parents. It’s a bit of a long story as to why but it wasn’t my decision. I’d live in my car before living with my parents again. But with kids, that isn’t always the best solution. We have had nothing but problems since then.

My parents have always made it very clear that they could provide better for ds#1. Ever since he was born. They live in an upscale neighborhood with an amazing school district. My dad used to work as vp at a local bank. So he made more money in one year than dh and I would in five years. My parents and I have a rocky relationship simply because I didn’t follow their life plan.

Ds#1 wants nothing to do with dh and I when my parents are around. When we finally get his attention, my parents swoop in and badger him until he hangs out with them. Dh is so over it and their relationship has suffered greatly. Anything we get ds#1 isn’t good enough. Nothing we do for him is good enough. I know my parents talk poorly about us to him.

I am losing my child to these toxic people (they totally are toxic!) and it’s awful. I know I am going to get bashed for this post. I know the simple solution is to move out. But that’s a complicated situation. Moving out will happen just not as soon as it needs to. I just don't how we can fix things in the meantime.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 3, 2017 at 5:48 PM
Replies (41-45):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Dec. 7, 2017 at 2:06 PM

Why not apply for Habitat for Humanity and go that route to get a house?
or contract for deed? or buy a trailer house and at some point a piece of land? Idk just thinking of cheaper ways to deal with this.

your child needs love and stability from  people who won't try to buy his love. I would stand up to your parents about how they are acting with your kiddo and tell them that yes, they probably could financially provide better for him BUT YOU are his MOM and he needs love! and they had their chance to be parents and now it is your's and they need to back off! They will keep bullying you until you stand up for yourself.  My parents used to try to overstep with my kids when we lived with them. I told them flat out that they are NOT the parents and they are grandparents and need to let me raise them and be the fun ones!

GOod luck. I'd reprioritize asap.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Dec. 8, 2017 at 4:55 AM
I’m curious as to what’s happened in your life. It seems like a big missing piece of this story.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 8, 2017 at 10:09 AM

And how long have been staying with them now?

Quoting Anonymous 1: It was only a thousand dollars or so. We have a few thousand. We had a few set backs but we are getting back on track.
Quoting Anonymous 5:

How much money did you ask for? 

And how much money have you and your husband saved so far since you've been living with them? 

Quoting Anonymous 1: We tried that. But my dad recenty retired and takes care of my dying grandfather. He gets paid to do it but it’s not a lot. So he doesn’t have money to lend out like he used to.
Quoting Anonymous 9:

I know that I will be called all kinds of names for this. So I am going anon!

Since your parents want to be manipulative, turn about is fair play. Sit down with your father. Tell him that he is right. You WANT to do better for your children. Tell him that you hate to ask, but if he could give you some money to get on your feet, you promise to give your kids an amazing life! Then take the money and move faaaarrr far away. And don't talk to them again. 

I know that's horrible, but your parents are also pretty horrible. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 8, 2017 at 2:52 PM
A few months.

Quoting Anonymous 5:

And how long have been staying with them now?

Quoting Anonymous 1: It was only a thousand dollars or so.

We have a few thousand. We had a few set backs but we are getting back on track.

Quoting Anonymous 5:

How much money did you ask for? 

And how much money have you and your husband saved so far since you've been living with them? 

Quoting Anonymous 1: We tried that. But my dad recenty retired and takes care of my dying grandfather. He gets paid to do it but it’s not a lot. So he doesn’t have money to lend out like he used to.

Quoting Anonymous 9:

I know that I will be called all kinds of names for this. So I am going anon!

Since your parents want to be manipulative, turn about is fair play. Sit down with your father. Tell him that he is right. You WANT to do better for your children. Tell him that you hate to ask, but if he could give you some money to get on your feet, you promise to give your kids an amazing life! Then take the money and move faaaarrr far away. And don't talk to them again. 

I know that's horrible, but your parents are also pretty horrible. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 8, 2017 at 3:03 PM
I know it’s going to sound like a lot of excuses. But I have bi polar and really bad anxiety. I spent most of my life with it and I have attempted suicide a few times.

I wanted to go to college but I spent more time just trying to survive the day. I was finally getting better then I got pregnant (ds#1 is not biologically dh’s. Ds#1 bio dad was a pos). I was on b/c. I lost my job, my apartment and my bf all at the time and had to move home. After having ds#1, I suffered from post partum depression. Instead of helping me, my parents kept pushing for me to give them custody. I never neglected or abused my son. I just had a hard time coping with having him on top of the upheaval of my life. It was a rough time.

I met dh when ds#1 was almost 3 and he helped me tremendously. I got help for the post partum and was able to move out of my parents. Dh and I eventually moved into together, got married and had a child together.

I have a feeling people are going to rip me apart for saying all that. But I know I made mistakes. I have regrets. I wish I could have done things differently. I really should have put my foot down and said no moving back in with my parents.

Quoting Anonymous 14: I’m curious as to what’s happened in your life. It seems like a big missing piece of this story.
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