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When your hubby finds it "annoying" that you discipline your kids.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I can only say "please" and keep the pleasant "Donna Reed" shit up for so long with no reaction. If I need you to do a chore, you do it without question, simply out of respect for your mother! My little one (6, almost 7) gets by with TOO MUCH because she knows if I nag enough,  her daddy will come in and have her go sit down because he's "tired of hearing my voice". Thanks a lot for the support, PARTNER. I never get any backup, and no one in this family tries to discipline or instill any values other than me. I thought i was gonna be the fun one. Turns out no one else cares how these kids turn out but me. They all just let them do whatever they want, whenever they want. I'm exhausted. 

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 6, 2017 at 9:38 PM
Replies (11-15):
by Anonymous 6 on Dec. 8, 2017 at 4:27 AM
My ex was/is like this. He raised our daughter to be a princess. Let her do whatever she wants. He’d literally laugh at me if I tried to discipline her. Then she’s start laughing too. When we split up this got worse. He let her run his household. I’ve tried to provide her direction but it always feels pointless because he’s there telling her not to listen to me. Watching him laugh at me is sickening.

I warned him that treating her like this would backfire. I told him it was unhealthy for her. Now she’s 16. He put his foot down with her because she was out of control. But now she’s rejected him. She honestly doesn’t listen to anything anyone tells her.

I really hate him for what he’s done. He takes no responsibility for it though.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2017 at 9:03 AM
1 mom liked this

This is a really nice and supportive reply you gave to her.  I am passive too, but sometimes my strictness has come out.  But my two girls push me way harder and farther than their dad for sure.

Quoting Daisendoh2008:

Honestly, I am the passive parent.  My spouse is the strict one.  I have a hard time when he disciplines, but I am so thankful that he does it.  I think our child would be different if he wasn't.  I would talk with your spouse, see if he's willing to hear you out.  I have learned that I cannot contradict what my husband does/says in front of our child because she will know how to drive us apart.  I read this article, it was pretty good.  My thoughts are with you and your family!  Keep it up, you are doing a GREAT job!!

by Bronze Member on Dec. 10, 2017 at 10:21 AM

DH and I share no children-HOWEVER when I discipline my DD13-he's not to interfere at all.

Just like when he's parenting SD16 and SS11 I do not get involved.

he's not allowed to parent my child-and I don't parent his.

If he interferes he knows I'll push him back in his lane.

*We have different parenting styles and do not agree how the other handles things. Which is why I'm grateful we have no mutual children. I'm very strict and he could care less. he only disciplines when there's fire/blood involved

by Anonymous 7 on Dec. 10, 2017 at 4:53 PM
1 mom liked this

This is very frustrating but unfortunately seems to be somewhat common. 

When my daughter was younger, I would discipline her for something and my DH would end up letting her out of time out after about 2 seconds explaining that it was enough. A couple of times, he even contradicted me in front of her when I was disciplining her. I recall the one time was when she had been caught peeping in people's windows in the neighborhood and I told her that her punishment was NO TV for the rest of the day and she was not going to be allowed to go out and play for the rest of the week (3 days). My DH said that no, that wouldn't be necessary...right in front of my daughter. I was furious at the time but didn't say anything. Why have a fight in front of the kid and make an already bad situation even worse? 

I did talk with him about it and told him that it bothered me when he would override my discipline. He and I simply have different ideas on it because of the ways we were raised. His parents were fairly permissive and mine were stricter. I don't think that I am a strict parent but I am not going to let a kid get away with everything. I pick my battles, lol. 

My sister ended up divorced with this kind of shit being a major reason. She inherited a SS that had not been given any boundaries and was out of control. The SS would pull the cat's tail, hit my sister's my sister was having none of that so started to hold SS accountable and also make him clean up his own room, do his own laundry, etc--he was 14 when they married. Her DH resented her for this and would not only contradict her but would also tell the SS that my sister was "being mean". Glad she dumped that guy!

Try talking with DH about the issue and that you feel frustrated with him overturning your attempts to discipline your child. Also try to find out why he's doing it. Work with him to work out a plan on him not interfering with you handling it when your child misbehaves. 

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2017 at 5:46 AM

What REALLY gets under my skin is he has the audacity to come home and kick whatever may be on the ground (that literally was clear & clean 15 min before) into the other room and storm around going "IT'S BULLSHIT THAT I HAVE TO WORK ALL DAY AND COME HOME AND WORK MORE!! (Clean). Guess who also works and just recently picked up more hours to 38 hrs/week? Me. Why is it ok for YOU to come home and relax and not me? Why is it expected that I work my ass off 24/7, sacrifice sleep and my health to pull it off? Why do you get to come home and play with the kids while I have to keep saying to them now, "I WANT to play with you but I have to get this done first". Grrr! I was a SAHM and started working part time to help out a little bit but it's important for me to be here for these kids! He works construction and his hours are all over the place. I found a great part time job that pays twice as much as the average part time job, it's in my field, and she works with my needs! Anything I need she lets me have off for, no question, unless someone else has taken vacation or something. I couldn't find a better situation work wise for me right now. But if this still isn't paying the bills we need to downgrade!

Quoting Anonymous 2:

My husband does that sometimes and it really pisses me off.  He did it last night about homework of all things.  He thinks I nag them but seriously, when a parent says do this or that, it needs to get done.  Period.  Too many men refuse to put in the time at home because it's hard and they think they should just get to sit and do nothing.

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