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Adult daughter moved home....with lots of baggage....now what?

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I am turning 50 in February, was married for 23 years and have been divorced for 3 1/2 yrs now.  To say the last few years were rough would be an understatement to say the least.  I have a 31 yr old daughter from a previous relationship and my ex-husband and I have a 25 yr old son.  My ex-husband raised my daughter as if she were his own.  She did know her dad growing up, but he was not exactly the most present father figure.  Her bio dad died back in 2011.  They had a very strained relationship and had not spoken in probably 5+ years before he died unexpectedly. I really tried to help mend their fractured relationship mostly due to the fact I felt that it did her more harm emotionally to not try and salvage some kind of relationship with him.  I love my kids and was the typical mom that worked full time while they were growing up.  We lived near my parents who were a huge help and my kids adored.  We did dance lessons, soccer, ballet, wrestling, dances.  My daughter met a man when she was 25 who I did not like, I felt he was bad news and I was right.  But I learned a long time ago, it's her life and I love her so I'll keep my opinions to myself.  at 26 she got pregnant....took me a while to come to grips, but the minute they put my little peanut in my arms I was overwhelmed with so much love I thought my heart would burst.  I was right about baby daddy, he was a loser.  When the baby was 2 weeks old she caught him with another woman in their house.  She called me and asked to move home.  Of course I was there to pick her and my peanut up and I think I did pretty good at not saying all the things to baby daddy that I wanted.  My daughter was putting the pieces of her life back together, we were helping with the baby and supporting her and the baby. Not sure how, but 2 years went by and she went back to him.  I honestly think it was because it was just easier to be with him then struggle as a single mom.  Fast forward another 2 years and baby daddy gets busted for drugs and has been in prison for 2 years and has another 2 to go.  I had no idea for months that he was gone.  I finally convinced her to move home so I could help her again get her life back on track.  If it were just my daughter, I wouldn't have.  She is a grown woman.  But my innocent little peanut, she deserves a life of stability and surrounded by love.  They moved in with me a year ago.  When my daughter moved in, she brought with her 4 dogs, not little dogs mind you, 4 large dogs.  2 adults and 2 puppies.....Blue Nose Pitbulls.  I came unglued and immediately insisted on finding homes for the 2 puppies.  I was able to find a home for one of the pups, the other one had some behaviorial problems.  It's been a year with them here and while I don't for a minute regret helping my daughter out, I am at my whits end with the dogs and my daughter.  The dogs are kenneled now, but not before causing $$$$$ of damage to my home and yard.  I'm really sorry for the long story, but my real question is: is it horrible for me to want the dogs gone? I am angry at baby daddy for ending up in jail and I'm angry at my daughter for not understanding that she will NEVER be able to find a place with 3 friggin pitbulls!!! How can she not understand that?  The apartment they had kicked them out because of the dogs.  I don't want the dogs in my home or yard.  It is not the dogs fault, I place full blame on my daughter and baby daddy.  I feel used and each day that goes by I get angrier and angrier.  Why do I feel like a bad mom if I say the DOGS MUST GO!!! ?? What would you do?  The only innocent in all of this is my granddaughter.  I want my daughter to put her childs needs first and do what is best for them!  She needs a job so she can get out on her own and provide for her child.  I will help all I can, but I'm just so done with these dogs!  HELP!!!

by on Dec. 21, 2017 at 11:54 PM
Replies (31-36):
Indigo615
by New Member on Dec. 28, 2017 at 9:58 PM
Dogs are a responsibility...if you don't want them they should make other arrangements for them.
ljmac68
by New Member on Dec. 29, 2017 at 11:59 AM

Update:  I had an honest conversation with my daughter and it went much better than anticipated.  I told her that the dogs are too much and deserve a good home that they can be cared for.  She feels overwhelmed by everything and agreed with me and has started looking for new homes for them.  I agreed that we would not let the dogs go to just anyone and we will ensure that they go to decent people.  She understands that the dogs are a huge reponsibility and that she is not in a position to care for them.  Thank you to the majority of you that were encouraging.  Happy New Year!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Dec. 30, 2017 at 6:33 AM
We just went through this with my sis..... long story short you will ALWAYS be the bad guy. Wether she keeps the dogs or not, wether she stays 1year or 10years. The day you ask her to leave she will forget everything you've done for her and be ungrateful and angry SO... save yourself the headache and give her a 30 day move out date. It's her life she needs to figure it out!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Dec. 30, 2017 at 6:50 AM
What? Why should she move? Did she say she was struggling?

Quoting Anonymous 3:

"  ....now what?"

Tell your daughter you've been thinking about selling your home and you need to get downsize and rid of a lot junk.  That the dogs have got to go because house wouldn't show very well with all those dogs around, that she also needs to find another place to live ASAP like in January.  You'll be contacting a realtor come January next year. 

Then fine a place with just enough space for yourself like 1 bdrm/1 bth.   A small place would save you a lot money and headaches.  Never allow her to live with you with all her troubled baggage again 'cause it's time she solved her own problems like an adult.

merriemoe
by on Jan. 2, 2018 at 2:49 PM
You are enabling her and you never should have allowed her to bring the dogs. If someone can’t put a roof over their head they can’t afford pets

Tell
Her the dogs go and give her notice of x months where she needs to be out be it 6 months or whatever. I’m sorry but you caused your own problem here but for god sake the dogs need to go STAT
Curlymom234
by Bronze Member on Jan. 3, 2018 at 12:33 PM

The dogs need to go. 

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