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Disregard for Rules

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
We have only a few "rules" when it comes to caring for our child. None too serious follow car seat safety, try not to get her daily routine too out of whack (makes her way c ranky). Pretty basic. One of the most important rules we have is that our child does not sleep in bed with others in a closed bedroom, preferably not in bed with others at all. Reason for that rule my husband and I both work with children that have experienced sexual abuse and teaching our child healthy boundaries and body autonomy is very important to us. So here's the story: Grandparents asked if they could pick her up from daycare. Sure, have fun. Fast forward to 5pm, I try calling to say I'm on my way over and got no answer from either grandparent. Got a little freaked out but felt relief when I arrived and saw both cars there. Knocked and no one answers. Door is unlocked so I go in. No one in any of the main rooms. All bedroom doors shut. So I knock and knock louder and eventually wake them and my daughter up...all 3 of them in the same bed and door closed. I absolutely do not think there is S.A. happening but I do believe it was a blatant disregard to a rule we think is important. They claimed it was an accident but they argued with us because they thought it was silly/offensive when we said this was a rule that we didn't want broken in the very beginning so it makes me feel otherwise. The situation then gets flipped so they are the victims, making sure we know we're depriving our child of fond memories and our work life has made us irrational. Just really frustrated and needed to get this out! Why break rules that we say matter most to us?! How are we supposed to believe it was accidental when you vehemently express that you think it is silly/offensive and argue it?! We never once said it was on purpose. They got angry when we reminded them of this rule and went straight to "you don't trust us." Not the case...until now!!
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 31, 2017 at 3:33 AM
Replies (21-26):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 1, 2018 at 1:42 PM

It was no accident and if they tell you "you don't trust us"  tell them yes I don't trust to adhere to my simple rule.  Don't allow you child there anymore.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 2, 2018 at 8:06 AM
1 mom liked this
I understand having rules for protection but honestly, if you fear the grandparents will sexually abuse her she shouldn't be going over there. I think your rule needs some reworking. If you don't fear sexual assault then there is zero reason to have that rule for their house. My dd understands there are different rules for my house vs. my parents' house. Some rules just aren't needed in that environment and vice versa. It's likely insulting to the grandparents that you keep that rule for their home, to be honest. It basically says you don't trust them not to sexually assault their child, as if an open door would prevent that anyway if they really wanted to do something. I get it, your kid, your rules, but all rules do not fit all situations and you need to rethink this one for their house.
Curlymom234
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 8:10 AM
Oh hi Maureen. You’re crazy. That is all

Quoting Anonymous 1: Lol also speaks volumes about your reading comprehension skills. I was never sexually abused. My husband and I work in the field with kids who have experienced abuse. My husband is a forensic interviewer. We are educated in this and you are ignorant. It is common practice for people to bed share, I get it. You do your thing and we'll do ours. No advice needed from you at all! Also, I work in a community mental health center and guess what...the therapists agree!

Quoting PinkButterfly66:

I think you are wound too tightly and need therapy.  You're projecting your childhood abuse to everyone and consider something as innocent as taking a nap with grandparents or sleeping with parents and perverting it.  Yes child sex abuse happens but the majority of childre grow up sleeping with siblings, parents or grandparents and do not get sexually abused.  And because you use this reason to not let your kids sleep with you speaks volumes on how desparately you need therapy.

happinessforyou
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 2:22 PM

I just have to say, some of us close the bedroom door so that any noise doesn't wake the kids. And we want the door shut so hopefully, if the kid wakes up earlier than expected, we hear the door being opened and we know we need to go get the kid. It's a safety issue. I have no "evil", child predatory thing going on. And yes I have laid down with my kid, started reading a book and we all fell asleep.

There is not a molester around every corner.... GL

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 2, 2018 at 8:42 PM
Yeah, that makes sense. Still not the point. And for the at least 3rd repeat...I do not in any way think there is a child molester around every corner nor do I believe my in laws are child molesters. If I believed they were molesters I wouldn't let them have contact with her at all (as if that needs to be stated but I guess in the land of CM it does).

The entire point of this post was letting off steam about a lack of respect for the way that my husband and I want to parent our child and that is our choice. I'm fine with a disagreement but she is still our daughter and that is still ultimately our choice and not theirs.

Each of our rules are different. I bet you have rules that I think are batty and you probably put them in place because you know that's what is best for your family, just like I know what is best for mine and you would probably be upset if someone that you trusted to care for your children showed a blatant disregard and then went on to make themselves victims. Maybe not. Maybe I'm the odd one out but I'm okay with that.

And they didn't need to close the door due to noise. They were the only ones home and they were in bed with her. I have also laid down to read with her and fell asleep. Not a big deal but two adults did not fall asleep at exactly the same time with the bedroom door closed on accident. They did it because thats the way they were raised and thats the way they wanted to do it, it didnt matter what we asked of them and that is where the problem lies. She falls asleep easily rocking in a recliner and reading a book. No need for a closed bedroom and two adults. She's familiar with their home. I've put her to sleep in their very rocking chair several times and so have they.

Quoting happinessforyou:

I just have to say, some of us close the bedroom door so that any noise doesn't wake the kids. And we want the door shut so hopefully, if the kid wakes up earlier than expected, we hear the door being opened and we know we need to go get the kid. It's a safety issue. I have no "evil", child predatory thing going on. And yes I have laid down with my kid, started reading a book and we all fell asleep.

There is not a molester around every corner.... GL

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 2, 2018 at 9:06 PM
Thanks to all of you who actually took the time to read and understood my point.

Those of you arguing against setting boundaries and teaching children body safety should read up on it. The average number of children being abused is much higher than the blown up cases that make the news. It doesn't make you paranoid, just aware. It isn't bad parenting to set boundaries and teach your children body safety. There are several resources online to help if you are interested in learning. Darkness to Light, Educate2Empower and the mama bear effect.
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