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Giving away what's not yours?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I have to post here to be able to go anonymous, as my x's wife is on cafemom.

After 20+ years together, and two kids (ds 18 and dd 15, who have always been very close to each other)  x and I were divorced in 2015. We had it put in the final agreement that each of us (X and I) would each maintain bedrooms for each of our kids in our homes until they kids were of legal age and out of the house. Which we both have done.

After 'shopping around' (even while we were still married) he settled on his current wife and within a few months of meeting (and her children aging out of child support) she moved in with my X and our son. Our son chose to live with his father to stay in the school district.  We only lived about 6 minutes apart in distance, so it really wasn't a big deal. DS spent most of his free time at my house because he really did not appreciate the way his dad's wife treated people, including himself.

X and his wife were married last year.  They didn't tell anyone. I found out b/c when I was on facebook, a mutual friend of ours posted a 'congradulations' to him, and some how, I was tagged in the post.  He had not even told his own kids, nor his own family...(Way to be proud of what you are marrying, right?)

DS graduated high school last spring.  X moved almost an hour away. He brought a huge house (7 bed/ 4 full bath)  because his new wife wanted a big house.  X made ds drive back and forth to get dd for visits. (I still live closer to old neighborhood and school friends, etc).  I don't have to drive.  It states in our settlement that pickup / drop off is to occur at the mother's residence (mine) or the school of the child (dd is 16 and does not drive). DS left for University in August.  Since then, X has only seen dd twice, his choice. He chooses to spend the time with his new family.  

X's wife has 3 kids of her own.  The oldest is out on his own. The 2nd two are boy  girl twins.  They graduated high school 2 years ago.  I don't know what the boy does, he lives with his father.  The girl lives with her mother and my X.  Apparently, she 'works as a dancer' (don't ask) and takes a few courses at the local community college. Which my dd has told me that her father (might be) paying for. I say this b/c dd saw the envelope from the bursars office of the college.  She know that the bursar's office is where payments are made to for a college, and she knows that while her brother does not go there, her dad's wife's daughter does go there.  

Christmas, X decided to take his new family to Disney.  Since it was his time with dd, she went too.  Now picture this... Him and her (two adults married in the room), now add our daughter (15 y/o girl) who is ostracized by the entire family, her oldest son (estimate maybe 25+ y/o), her 2nd son (about 20?), and her dd (also 20) all in one small hotel room together. That's 6 adult sized people, one minor girl. Non related. Yet X insists to dd that 'they are your siblings'.  Dd was mortified.

They drove down (10+ hours) in two separate cars. According to dd, everytime they stopped, he would hand them his credit card to pay for things (gas and snacks) stating that 'he didn't want them to have to worry about gas and expenses".  Yet, when the car that dd was in stopped and she asked to get a snack or beverage, his wife would tell her "we have water and chips in the back" and X would agree with his wife. (DD told me that the water was packed in the trunk which would have made it nearly impossible to get to with out nearly unloading the trunk, and dd has never liked chips of any sort and x knows that). 

While they were at Disney, he paid for everything for everyone every time.  If the wife and her DD wanted Starbucks, which they did every morning, they each got their $10+ morning coffee and snack at Starbucks.  Her son's want a beer?  It was paid for. My dd's peeve was that every time that they wanted something, he couldn't open his wallet fast enough, and never once did anyone (including his own wife) say thank you or show appreciation.

So after they were at Disney, and starting the trip home, the wife decides to 'make nice' with my dd and decides to take her shopping  for souvenirs. As dd described it, she was taken to a little shit-shop souvenir shop on I-4.  Mostly cheap knock off crap made in China. This was after she had already brought a bunch of stuff for her own kids while at Disney. Which my dd was right there when she brought it.  Using her husband's credit card. (How did dd know this? dd said that whenever they approached the register to check out purchases, she would screech back to him, "Honey, I neeed your card", never once taking out her own card to pay for anything, yet expecting him to pay for everything for her and her own adult kids)

My kid really doesn't care about things like that, she's never been a 'crap collector', but even to have allowed her to choose something nice at Disney that she may have wanted, and no, from what I understand, her own father never stood up for her once, or even asked her if she wanted anything.  

Understand, if you are reading this, that I really don't care about the money he spends on her or her family, dd and I are financially fine.  It's where he was pulling the money from that got me.

Right after the divorce was finalized, I was approved for SS, and since my kids were minors, they also got part of the settlement. Since the approval happened after the divorce was finalized, my X was not entitled to any of it. I applied after he walked out, I wasn't approved until the divorce was finalized.  At our divorce hearing, he was made to pay life time alimony, he asked if the alimony could be reduced by the amount of SS that I was going to be receiving.  The judge had to step away after that request was made. (I think he was laughing).  

The money for minors was split for my kids. (XDH, idiot that he is, feels that it should be split amongst ALL the kids, including his wife's 3 kids, because after all they're family)  Since dd lives with me, I started an account for her, as was recommended by my SS attorney, and I informed X that he should do the same for ds.  X told me to mind my own business, and he would handle it.  DD's account is connected to mine, but her checks go directly in to her account.  That money is for her, and her activities, and when she gets old enough, she may even use it for education or even buying a car, if she chooses to.  When she has an activity that must be paid for, I move the exact amount to my checking account, and I send off the payment from my checking account.

X decided to handle ds's money differently. Before DS left for university, he sold his car, which he had worked very hard for, and he had also saved up quite a bit of money from working. DS has an agreement with his Dad (my X)  in which his Dad was going to put his money (ds's) in to an account to pay his University bills.  DS moved overseas for school and he had to set up bank accounts there. X was supposed to put money in the accounts periodically to pay the bills.  One account was to pay the bills for education related expenses.  The other was money to live from (that was the money that was from the sale of his car, and what he earned).  X claims that 'he is tight on money and can't send money'. So at this point, DS is unable to pay his bills.   I spoke to DS.  Knowing his spending habits, and having an idea of the cost of things where he is, there is no way he has spend $10,000+ on him self since August. (I know that the money sounds like a lot, and it is, but the kid's been working since he was old enough and he never really spent anything, he was a saver).  Basically, X used DS's money to make his new family happy, and my kid  (ds) is screwed. On top of that, and this is the part that really irks dd (and ds too). DS had left items at his father's house before he left. His father's house is his legal state side residence.  There were items that he could have sold (on ebay?) and had made a nice chunk of change that he would have been able to use.   I found out that her 20 y/o son has basically procured many of the items that my son had left at his father's house.  We are not talking about just borrowing items.  He has basically taken them out of the house for his own use. When asked about that, dd said, "Why does have my brother's XXX?" She was told (by this 20 y/o) "my mom said I could". (It wasn't the mom's to give). When my dd went to her father and said, "That's my brother's", father went to new wife's son and he said, "A (my ds) said that I could have this".  DS and her son have never been friends.  DS would have never said that.  He would have given it to his own sister. DS has absolutely no respect for this kid and seriously can't stand him. As long as DS has know this kid, he has never worked, and after completing high school 2 years ago, he is not in any kind of education (university or trade school).  He actually had the nerve to ask my son if his g/f had  a friend or a sister that he could bang. (Yeah, barely knows my kid but wants him to set him up with someone to fuck?). X tells dd that ds said this kid could have it.  DD and DS talk / text  on a semi regular basis. (Time difference can stand in the way).  DS NEVER once said that this kid could have any of his stuff.  He called his dad about it.  His dad called his sister a liar. (Why would she lie about that?) He asked his dad to prove that it was still in the house, by taking a photo of it where he had left it in his room, X said no. It's not in the house.  It's gone.

DS then had the idea that dd should go to his dad's house and get his stuff out of there.  He also suggested that she take out anything of her's that she values before it is given away to x's wife's family. The problem with this is that dd does not have access to her dad's house.  He refuses to give her a key. 

Totally sucks.... I don't care that he chooses to support his new wife and her entire family that's his life and concern, but not when he takes away from his own kids what is already theirs, that they have worked for, and gives it to his new family?   Sorry, but that really bothers me.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 3, 2018 at 1:12 PM
Replies (11-12):
by Peggy on Jan. 5, 2018 at 9:05 AM

Your ex is a jerk.

by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 13, 2018 at 6:46 PM
1 mom liked this
I would get law enforcement involved and follow up with court action.
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