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Can any good come of this?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies
My SIL is 24 and is moderately mentally disabled. Doctors have place her at the level of a 12 year old. My MIL had her on BC since she was 12, but for some reason decided to take her off about a year ago. Well, now she’s 7 weeks pregnant. She is not allowed around any of her nieces and nephews alone because she tends to snap and hit and curse at them when they irritate her, especially when they were/are toddlers. Her boyfriend is disabled as well, but is at a slightly higher level than her. She cannot live alone because she has never been able to learn basic independent life skills. Everyone in the family is telling MIL this is not a good thing, but MIL firmly believes God made it happen for a reason. Speaking of MIL aka SIL’s one and only caregiver, she is in bad shape health wise and may not make it to the end of the year. There is NO ONE else in this family who is capable of taking her and a baby in. Plus considering that both parents of this child are SN, I wonder what the odds of this child being SN is as well. I’m pro life, but even I secretly wonder if this child should even be born. Thoughts? Maybe any advice?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 18, 2018 at 12:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Saphira1207
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2018 at 7:39 AM

well, legally she's and adult and has all the rigths of one.  So you can't force her to terminate or give the infant up for adoption.

And given that some disabilities are genetic, there's a really good chance the baby will be disabled as well.

Honestly, CPS will likely end up getting involved and it's entirely possible they will try to place the infant with other family members.  But There's no way to be sure until it's born.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 18, 2018 at 7:46 AM
My daughter's friend who turned 18 last June is disabled. Her parents ended up getting power of attorney. She is not allowed to make any decisions for herself. So basically she can't decide to get married, have a baby, move out of their house, Etc. Does your mother-in-law have something like that for the daughter? If not would it be a possibility of her to get it?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 18, 2018 at 11:50 AM
I know she has those rights. Although, she doesn’t fully grasp the seriousness of it. I just see this kid having a rough life with her. As far as if CPS gets involved and places the child with family, the only relatively stable family is us. I already have three kids of my own and another child, especially one that would come with lots of drama and constant input from my in laws, would be very difficult to deal with. Even more so if the child is SN, because both parents’ conditions are genetic ones. As a mother myself, I want to see this child be in the best situation possible, and the one it’s being born into is going to be chaos!

Quoting Saphira1207:

well, legally she's and adult and has all the rigths of one.  So you can't force her to terminate or give the infant up for adoption.

And given that some disabilities are genetic, there's a really good chance the baby will be disabled as well.

Honestly, CPS will likely end up getting involved and it's entirely possible they will try to place the infant with other family members.  But There's no way to be sure until it's born.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 18, 2018 at 12:01 PM
My MIL had paperwork like that when she was a teen. She handles all her business for her, medical, financial, etc. Based off how MIL decided to take her off birth control over a year ago, it seems she wanted this to happen. DH thinks his mom is trying to replace his sister since she didn’t turn out “normal”. SIL is the only girl, so MIL is hoping this baby will be a girl. Sadly, I think DH is right.

Quoting Anonymous 2: My daughter's friend who turned 18 last June is disabled. Her parents ended up getting power of attorney. She is not allowed to make any decisions for herself. So basically she can't decide to get married, have a baby, move out of their house, Etc. Does your mother-in-law have something like that for the daughter? If not would it be a possibility of her to get it?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 18, 2018 at 2:49 PM

How far along is SIL with her pregnancy and how old is MIL?  Is there a FIL in the picture?

Quoting Anonymous 1: My MIL had paperwork like that when she was a teen. She handles all her business for her, medical, financial, etc. Based off how MIL decided to take her off birth control over a year ago, it seems she wanted this to happen. DH thinks his mom is trying to replace his sister since she didn’t turn out “normal”. SIL is the only girl, so MIL is hoping this baby will be a girl. Sadly, I think DH is right.
Quoting Anonymous 2: My daughter's friend who turned 18 last June is disabled. Her parents ended up getting power of attorney. She is not allowed to make any decisions for herself. So basically she can't decide to get married, have a baby, move out of their house, Etc. Does your mother-in-law have something like that for the daughter? If not would it be a possibility of her to get it?


Saphira1207
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2018 at 4:08 PM

Well then CPS might put the child in foster care until adoption can happen.

I understand where you're coming from, and for the most part I agree with you.  Having said that, there's not much you can do, so I can only suggest that you try not to let yourself stress over it.

The best thing you could do is make sure CPS is aware of the situation so they can use their resources to get the baby into a better situation.

Then take a deep breath and let it go.

I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but it's really the only viable option you have.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I know she has those rights. Although, she doesn’t fully grasp the seriousness of it. I just see this kid having a rough life with her. As far as if CPS gets involved and places the child with family, the only relatively stable family is us. I already have three kids of my own and another child, especially one that would come with lots of drama and constant input from my in laws, would be very difficult to deal with. Even more so if the child is SN, because both parents’ conditions are genetic ones. As a mother myself, I want to see this child be in the best situation possible, and the one it’s being born into is going to be chaos!
Quoting Saphira1207:

well, legally she's and adult and has all the rigths of one.  So you can't force her to terminate or give the infant up for adoption.

And given that some disabilities are genetic, there's a really good chance the baby will be disabled as well.

Honestly, CPS will likely end up getting involved and it's entirely possible they will try to place the infant with other family members.  But There's no way to be sure until it's born.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 18, 2018 at 9:56 PM
She’ll be 8 weeks Tuesday. MIL is 55, FIL passed away 3 years ago.

Quoting Anonymous 3:

How far along is SIL with her pregnancy and how old is MIL?  Is there a FIL in the picture?

Quoting Anonymous 1: My MIL had paperwork like that when she was a teen. She handles all her business for her, medical, financial, etc. Based off how MIL decided to take her off birth control over a year ago, it seems she wanted this to happen. DH thinks his mom is trying to replace his sister since she didn’t turn out “normal”. SIL is the only girl, so MIL is hoping this baby will be a girl. Sadly, I think DH is right.

Quoting Anonymous 2: My daughter's friend who turned 18 last June is disabled. Her parents ended up getting power of attorney. She is not allowed to make any decisions for herself. So basically she can't decide to get married, have a baby, move out of their house, Etc. Does your mother-in-law have something like that for the daughter? If not would it be a possibility of her to get it?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 19, 2018 at 6:45 AM
I would stay out of it for now. If no one can take on the baby then mil and sil will be the ones to raise it. If the baby is being abused call cps.
Shai4710
by Silver Member on Jan. 21, 2018 at 3:47 PM

Mil really should have thought that one through. She could’ve had her tubes tied. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 21, 2018 at 7:02 PM

Just one remark - a condition can be genetic without being hereditary. The best example I know is Down Syndrome, it's genetic (pertaining to genes) but is only hereditary in fewer than 1% of cases. My point is that things may not be as bleak as you fear.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I know she has those rights. Although, she doesn’t fully grasp the seriousness of it. I just see this kid having a rough life with her. As far as if CPS gets involved and places the child with family, the only relatively stable family is us. I already have three kids of my own and another child, especially one that would come with lots of drama and constant input from my in laws, would be very difficult to deal with. Even more so if the child is SN, because both parents’ conditions are genetic ones. As a mother myself, I want to see this child be in the best situation possible, and the one it’s being born into is going to be chaos!
Quoting Saphira1207:

well, legally she's and adult and has all the rigths of one.  So you can't force her to terminate or give the infant up for adoption.

And given that some disabilities are genetic, there's a really good chance the baby will be disabled as well.

Honestly, CPS will likely end up getting involved and it's entirely possible they will try to place the infant with other family members.  But There's no way to be sure until it's born.


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