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Step kids

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:25 PM
  • 16 Replies
My fiancé and I have been engaged and living together for over a year now. I have a 2 year old little girl, and he has an 11 year old daughter (both from previous marriages) my 2 year old loves other kids, especially older kids. My fiancé’s daughter (we’ll call her Sara) claims to “not like babies” so when she’s at our house, (which is 3-4 times per week for the whole year we’ve lived together) she continuously ignores my daughter. I admit that my daughter can be a bit over bearing. She wants so badly for Sara to play with her and be her friend that she’s constantly following her around and trying to talk to her. Sara will not even respond to my daughter, and just walk away from her, In addition to just being mean in general with anything having to do with my daughter. Her dad has tried having talks with her to no avail. I’m starting to feel negative about the whole situation, and it worries me. I feel like it’s abnormal for a child to be so cold to a baby. It worries me thinking of how she would act towards her if they were alone as well. I understand children will act out after their parents get divorced, especially with her dad living with a new woman and another child, so I try my best to be patient. But in the year we’ve been living together the situation hasn’t improved at all, and I’m beginning to wonder if it will. It’s also starting to cause problems between my fiancé and I, which is why I’m seeking advice. His constant response is “well Sara just doesn’t like little kids” or “I don’t expect her to play with the baby, they have nothing in common” Is this normal? Am I overreacting? And what are some opinions on how to handle this kind of thing? Thank you ladies 😘
by on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:25 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:29 PM
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I think, if Sara is at least respectful and isn't misbehaving she shouldn't be expected to entertain or interact with your DD.

Focus on keeping their interactions respectful and enforce boundaries. Otherwise, leave it alone.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:31 PM
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I can tell you my 14 year does not like little kids at all.  She does not know how to react with them so she tries her best to avoid them.  My daughter is sweet, nice, caring, loves, loves animals but just doesn’t like little kids.  I joke that I will never have grandchildren.  Leave her alone, she shouldn’t have to play with a 2 year old rather it’s a step sibling or a bio sibling.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't expect an eleven year old to play with a two year old.
A-Christine8
by New Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:50 PM
Maybe I mis spoke, I’m not worried about her not playing with my daughter. My concern is her being mean, and completely ignoring my daughter. I wouldn’t expect her to play. But at least be nice to a toddler? Again, maybe I’m thinking too much into it.
Iguessiwasbad13
by Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 12:51 PM
Guess it's just different in my house. My 11 year old has zero issues playing with babies and toddlers.

Quoting Anonymous 3: I wouldn't expect an eleven year old to play with a two year old.
Maime13
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2018 at 5:31 PM

There is a difference between being actively mean and ignoring.  You seem to be describing the latter.

You have been engaged and living together for a year already. Correct? If this is the status quo I'm not sure what you are worried about. She hasn't harmed the child or done anything willfully malicious. Is that fair to say? She simply isn't interested in engaging with the child.

What would you consider "being nice"? I mean, I can smile pleasantly at a child in a store or when I'm visiting someone for a bit but if I was around that child extensively my reactions would be different. I have a very limited interest.

How much engagement would please you? How much attention? If she nicely said, "Go find your Mommy." when the child started trying to get her attention would that be ok? If she led the child directly to you and left would that be be better?

Quoting A-Christine8: Maybe I mis spoke, I’m not worried about her not playing with my daughter. My concern is her being mean, and completely ignoring my daughter. I wouldn’t expect her to play. But at least be nice to a toddler? Again, maybe I’m thinking too much into it.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 4, 2018 at 6:14 PM
2 moms liked this

I have to agree with him and Sara. First of all, no teen should be expected to babysit so her being alone with a small child shouldn't be an issue. Second, she is IGNORING her, which is a responsible way to not feed the troddler. She's not being mean, she's just not acknowledging her hoping that she will get the hint. If she were to redirect, your daughter would likely take it the wrong way as interaction.  

At some point you need to talk to your daughter and say, "Sara would like some time with her daddy, or would like some time alone." YOU need to parent your daughter just as much as he is his. 

If step siblings being ten years apart being best friends or even friends is your goal, perhaps you should have had them meet and see how the interactions were BEFORE moving in with him... 

Just imagine how your daughter will feel if he moves out over this:( Mommy can't get her shit together so another man is leaving her. 

happinessforyou
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2018 at 12:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you need to be realistic. 2 year olds need to be watched/babysat. They can't be left alone-ever. It is exhausting. You were probably hoping SD would help you out with a busy toddler. Some young kids love babies, the rest of us not so much. I would be a little peeved thinking I had to some and "babysit" every time I came over. Leave it alone.

Horticulturemom
by on Feb. 5, 2018 at 2:54 PM
It’s not her sister, she has no bond. She’s not being mean by ignoring her, she just has no connection to her. I wouldn’t worry about it. Sounds like you’re making it to more than it is
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Feb. 5, 2018 at 3:42 PM

Well 2 year olds are annoying, lol.  Sara is prolly upset that her parents have split.  Ss long as your husband doens't feed it and spoil her and say "yes" to everything, you guys should be fine.

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