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Didnt know where else to come!!!!

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I havent been a very active Cafemom member in the last few years but I used to come here a lot so i joined this group in hopes of finding some way to deal with present situations with my ex husband and the father of my two daughters. 

Since the beginning of our separation through our divorce and even now almost two years later he is still very high conflict to deal with, very demanding and has no communication skill with me or towards me.. He constantly puts all actions of himself and his fiancee on me like im the one creating the issues and yes i am able to admit that I react to some things and then some things I am able to ignore. I am in no way perfect. I have always wanted the smoothest transition for my girls and to at least be able to be civil for their sake. However, at the same time I feel that I let him walk all over me and take the same crap I did from the marriage, name calling, putting down my job, putting me down period the list goes on. I want to find some solution to make this all easier on the girls and even myself. I have no desire to argue and fight with him and no desire to have conversations with him outside of our children. He has no issue with following some things in our divorce papers however there are some that he has no desire and insists on fighting them, I have gotten to the edge of my breaking point with dealing with this from him.

Most recent situtation my exes fiancee and him came to the house to retrieve a bag of items from the oldest daughter and when I handed it out the door the bag hit the door and proceeded to hit the fiancee in the arm, she said you didnt have to hit me with that and I immediately said your right Im sorry it wasnt intentional, but she called the cops any way even though my ex said no at first, so with that behavior I stated she didnt need to come back to my house period, this was Jan 15, 2018. Each week there has been some reason he has attempted to get me to allow her to pick up the girls on his time, even though I have stated the above, so last night again he proceeds to tell me that she will be coming to get them this Wednesday, (a little bit of info into our arrangement, he gets ever other weekend and anything else is on an agreed upon basis and if we can not agree I have final say.) I reminded him that I did not want her around my property and he proceeds to tell me I have to deal with it. I know I dont have to deal with it, my agreement is with him not her and he is responsibile for pick up and drop off. The part that bothered me the most is not really the fact that she would be picking them up its the lack of communication and him just telling me what is or isnt gonna happen. What in the world am I to do to make things change and attempt for a smoother dealing when I have no choice but to deal with him? 

by on Feb. 6, 2018 at 2:01 PM
Replies (21-22):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Feb. 10, 2018 at 12:40 AM

Take his ass back to court! He knows what he can and cant do not to be mean but thats because proboley in your marriage you allowed so much bull shit to go on. Its time to put your foot down. If you dont want her at your house he has to respect that period. You and him had those girls she just the finacee at this time until their marriage is final she is just a girfriend with another title. Your kids dont need the  extra drama and neither do you. I know some where deep down your strong, you have girls that look up to you more then just a mother but as a women. Teach them indepence and stregnth is everything never let a man (person) determine what you will and wont do. Teach them to demand their respect and thats what you need to do. DEMAND YOUR RESPECT!

Bonnie_
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2018 at 1:16 AM

It's not her weekend  with them   it's his.   Don't  answer the door to her.   You don't have to.

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