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Heart Broken!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 4 Replies

My family has been nothing close to normal ever! I was born to an alcoholic and drug addict.  When I was 5 I found my mother giving birth to my youngest sister in the bathtub when she was wasted out of her mind.  At that age I thought my mother was dieing and ran to a neighbor for help.  Needless to say the state split us up.  the two youngest (new born and an infant less than a year old were adopted by same family and remained together) Me and my other sister who was 3 stayed together (my grandmother was allowed to take guardianship until we could be properly placed in an open adoption) my twin brother was to remain in foster care do to emotional and development problems, he was never adopted.  Because of the young ages we were taken from each other I have almost blanks in my memory of things and what all happened and how. I knew of the sister that was raised with me and my twin I however remember my mom in the tube and the blood and going to the neighbor I remember the police and the man that took us, I remember the house we stayed for a week.  I don't have an clear memories of the babies or of my mom really before I was 7.  There are huge caps I can't explain and I do remember feeling like I had siblings that were missing or like I knew they existed but they didn't and sorry if this makes no sense it literally is confusing for me.  Any way my sister and I found my brother when He was 18, turned out he was all screwed up and caused a lot of problem for me and my sister.  My sister and I were close...and we had a really bad child hood....unimaginable really but my brothers was far worse and he was really a lost soul.  We lost touch with him after a while and when we were 25 we reconnected.  At this point my sister and I were having a really strained relationship.  She was behaving in a way that not only did I not understand but could not rationalize but my brother thought we should become closer and more like family that he was older, more mature and ready to embrace all that he had missed.  Well after he began to cause problems in my house my husband asked him to leave and he went to stay with my sister and her husband (who were not doing well in there marriage, my sister had cheated and her husband was beginning to drink really heavy)  Well make a long story shorter my brother caused a lot of huge problems their, my sisters husband left with their 3 kids.  MY sister, brother had me over one night and broke the news that they were "together" I was shocked, dumbfounded, and really angry, Now the thing that was even more disturbing was the fact they were smoking crack while they told me.   I literally think I went into shock and didn't know what to think or what to do.  I told them both that I had to leave and I loved them.  I walked out...I went home and told my husband who was I think well that explains why her husband left with the kids.  I didn't speak to either one for 3 years, I heard all kinds of stories about how they were together and blah blah...it made me sick.  At the time I started to speak to my sister she had gone into how my brother and her split in a really bad way and he beat her raped her and tried to kill her one night and that he was going to jail for 3-5 years.  I was still very upset but thank ful thinking I would be able to get my sister back.  Her husband and her were still married and both talked about reconciling... however, my sister still had a big drug problem which was still not really out on how severe.  She soon ended up dating another guy who was just as much an addict as her.  I tried to lean on her when my husband cheated and left me...this is when I found out how severe her drug problem was.  She was arrested and looking at big prison time for drug trafficking, operating and maintaining a drug house, theft and like 3 other things. During all of this chaos my husband leaving my sister going to prison, my brother in prison, my mother and my grandmother passed away.  I myself felt so alone, I literally had no one.  Well little fast forward it was just me and my kids, I was on Facebook one night shortly after getting the kids to bed and I see I have a message I open it up and it reads "Hi...you don't know me but I believe that I am your sister, I would like to speak with you if you would be willing"  I was taken back I looked at the profile picture and it was like myself was staring back at me....a younger happier version of myself.  I was filled with questions and I didn't know what to do.  I contacted one of my cousins who was much older and that I was around a lot growing up. Her mother was my dad sister and she was someone that would take my sister and I a lot when we kids, kept my sister and I familiar with my dads side.  Any how I told my cousin about the message and if it could be true, and why would the family not tell my and my sister we had another sister.  She didn't have any answers buy told her that she would have her mom call me.  It wasn't more than 20 minutes later my aunt who I hadn't spoken too since my sister had gone to prison, (I have very judgmental family...since my brother and sister were following in my parents footsteps than I must be too kind of thing) I did have a drinking problem and was sober for 3 years at the time of the message.  Any how she told me all about how we were split up that there was not one girl but two and it was a closed adoption.  They were babies and the family thought it best that they had every opportunity for happy and healthy lives as they could.  I felt lied too, betrayed, cheated, I cant tell you exactly all the emotions that went through my head considering how they were given to loving happy family that wanted them and than I think about the life that my brother had.  The life that my sister and I had.  The Woman from the FB message turned out to be the baby my mom was having the night we all were ripped apart.  Apparently her adopted parents gave her the adoption papers when she was 18 after she was refusing to give up on wanting to know her "real" family.  I told both my reconnecting sisters about our parents and how sick they were and that they were truly blessed to have been able to go to such lovely people as their adopted parents.  My new sisters and I began to have a great relationship..family visits getting our kids together and sharing stories about growing up and the experiences we all had.  I told them about the sister I grew up with and I told them we had a brother my twin.  I didn't go into details about the relationship they had.  I felt that was not really my story to tell and I didn't want to loose them honestly, I felt like I wasn't allow, my kids had cousins to play with and aunts.  Well years later after the initial meeting my sister was released and in recovery...I told her about the sisters and she too was like me in the beginning and we all got together and bonded.  4 sisters together after all that time...it was wonderful and something you read about and it was our life.  Later when my brother was released...almost 2 years later a new wife and a baby too...the 2 new sisters wanted to meet him.  I told them not any of the bad stuff I wanted them to not judge him..but I did tell them my brother had it the worst of all of us and he is really a confused and scared person just be careful and watch how much you extend to him (I could see my brother using them for money....lieing or stealing from them...manipulating them he was really good at that from all my experiences with him)  The three of them met and the older of the two sisters detached herself saying she didn't know why but she really had a feeling that best not to get to close or trust him.  Privately her and I had a conversation about the past and I told her that it would be best if she spoke to our youngest sister to warn her.  Well apparently the youngest sister felt that was an awful thing to do and allowed him, his wife and their son to move in with her, her husband and their two daughters.   It was 3 months later that the older of the two sisters said that the youngest and her were not speaking and that she felt it best that I find out what was happening on the youngest terms.  later that week my youngest sister told me what had happened.  My brother had moved in they were parting all the time, taking lots of different pills and his wife had gone to visit her mother with the baby and my brother got my youngest sister so messed up they had sexual relations and he was than basically blackmailing her telling her that if she didn't continue to have sex with him that he would tell her husband and she would lose her kids and marriage and he would tell all of her family and our biological family and no one would want anything to do with her anymore. She would be humiliated and shunned from everything she loved.  She was hurt and lost and scared and didn't know what to do.  I told her she had to be honest and go to her husband and tell him exactly what had happened and tell him that he has to make our brother leave....with force if necessary and that she would have to tell his wife.   That she may loose her husband, but if he really loved her that he would stand up and protect her and than work on the issues that are exclusive between the two of them in their marriage. I also suggested she speak to the sister I grew up with that had the "relationship" with him already that she would be the best person to know exactly how she was feeling at the time.  She did the things I explained ultimately her husband protected her but their marriage did not make it and he did take the kids.  My youngest sister took years to rebuild her life and establish a relationship that allowed her to see her girls more than just every other weekend.  Well this is where things get really upsetting.  My youngest sister remarried a great guy, air force, good looking responsible and just loves her daughters.  They built a house a year ago and things seemed to be doing really great. My sister just recently took a job in our home state, which was odd considering they just built a house in Charlotte NC.  She told our aunt it was to be closer to the girls,  However when I asked why she would take a job back here in MI.  She than told me she tried to move passed my brother, that her marriage was ending because she told her current husband about what had happened when my brother began writing and calling her collect.  My brother well 3 years ago was convicted of rape and sent to prison for 15 years. My youngest sister than tells me she willing was involved with my brother back in the beginning that it wasn't the drugs that made her sleep with him, that as much as everyone might hate her that she and he are in love and want to be together and that she was leaving her husband and moving Back to MI so she can be closer to where my brother is in prison so she can visit him.  OMG!  I AM IN A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE.  I freaked out  seriously lost my crackers.   I told her besides the fact that he is our brother....look at what kind of man he is?  have you lost your mind?  She than explains that its not wrong because they didn't grow up together so they don't associate a sibling connection.  That she knows that a lot of people will not understand and they will be judged and that it is simply society that is close-minded.  If men can love men and woman can love woman why don't they have the right to love each other?  Than she went on to tell me I can be supportive or I can say good bye.  I told her I love her and want her in my life she is my sister and he is my brother and that is the relationship I want with them, but I am not going to play along like it is normal.  What are you going to wait for him for 12 more years and than when he gets out support him, he is a registered sex offender...a rapist...you won't ever get to be with your daughters, you will be giving up so much to what? Where do you really see this going? You can't marry...He is literally unemployeable (he has never worked a job longer than a month, is a felon, no license, no skills, no education he dropped out in 10th grade, has been in jail and prison more than he has been out) he has been know to beat up on his ex-wife our sister, and this woman he raped and you seriously think that is a respectable and healthy relationship?  Honey you need a therapist.  She than told me....tonight that she honestly feels that we should live our separate lives from here on out.   Oh and the older of those two sisters...has terrible rare heart disease that I found out 2 years ago about.  She had a surgery but its not looking good and stopped talking to me and the other sister when she found out, her adopted mom and youngest sister explained it like she was scared to get any closer and wanted to make it easier on us when she finally passes. Which as a week ago was told it could be any time.   So the sisters that I lost so long ago and have been able to reconnect with and have that sense of family with have as I feel been ripped away again.  One who can't help it and the other well she is just a sick girl.  I know because of the first sister she will have to learn this lesson the hard way and nothing I can do to make her change her mind.  My brother has his hooks in and I actually been thinking tonight so so so so many times I have prayed in my head "Please god take him....not my good sister" How messed up is that?  I know this is really long and I do apologize. Probably really confusing and I really didn't want to post such graphic stuff but man I really need to vent? and I really am hurting?  Im so tired of losing people...This is not what family is.  I mean no family is perfect....but HOLY CRAP! I feel better just getting it off my chest... yet all the things I should have done different I feel so responsible.   I also am so conflicted.  I HATE MY OWN TWIN BROTHER! I still feel like there has to be something I can do. I almost want to contact the prison that my brother is at and inform them that he is involved in an incestuous relationship with his sister...and get her visitation removed and so he won't be able to contact her.  I think that the distance and not being able to talk to him would get her the space she needs to think clearly.  She already hates me...and the whole relationship is between them so they should suffer the consequences right.  If she get in trouble with the law maybe that will make her wake up and understand the seriousness of the situation.  


Really sorry so long...its a definate vent

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 7, 2018 at 2:36 AM
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Replies (1-4):
momonthego2019
by on Mar. 9, 2018 at 8:15 AM
1 mom liked this

There are so many circumstances/events within this thead.  I feel that family counseling would be great however I doubt seriously that you could get everyone to attend.  Have you considered counseling for yourself?  You shouldn't have to keep all of this in all the time.  You should really talk to someone who is objective and who will help you sort through the mess sort of speak.  You don't choose your family.  This is who you were given but you do have a choice of how involved you will allow them to be in your life and your family.  You can't change people and you can't make them do "right".  You can love them but you can't force them to love you back.  There is a lot of healing needed for everyone but you should start on your own healing journey.  Maybe seeing you grow, heal, etc will have a positive effect on them.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 9, 2018 at 8:43 AM

I'll have to come back to read this later but I thought I break it down to where it's easier for me to read. 

Quoting Anonymous 1:

My family has been nothing close to normal ever! I was born to an alcoholic and drug addict.  When I was 5 I found my mother giving birth to my youngest sister in the bathtub when she was wasted out of her mind.  At that age I thought my mother was dieing and ran to a neighbor for help. 

Needless to say the state split us up.  the two youngest (new born and an infant less than a year old were adopted by same family and remained together) Me and my other sister who was 3 stayed together (my grandmother was allowed to take guardianship until we could be properly placed in an open adoption) my twin brother was to remain in foster care do to emotional and development problems, he was never adopted. 

Because of the young ages we were taken from each other I have almost blanks in my memory of things and what all happened and how. I knew of the sister that was raised with me and my twin I however remember my mom in the tube and the blood and going to the neighbor I remember the police and the man that took us, I remember the house we stayed for a week. 

I don't have an clear memories of the babies or of my mom really before I was 7.  There are huge caps I can't explain and I do remember feeling like I had siblings that were missing or like I knew they existed but they didn't and sorry if this makes no sense it literally is confusing for me. 

Any way my sister and I found my brother when He was 18, turned out he was all screwed up and caused a lot of problem for me and my sister.  My sister and I were close...and we had a really bad child hood....unimaginable really but my brothers was far worse and he was really a lost soul.  We lost touch with him after a while and when we were 25 we reconnected. 

At this point my sister and I were having a really strained relationship.  She was behaving in a way that not only did I not understand but could not rationalize but my brother thought we should become closer and more like family that he was older, more mature and ready to embrace all that he had missed. 

Well after he began to cause problems in my house my husband asked him to leave and he went to stay with my sister and her husband (who were not doing well in there marriage, my sister had cheated and her husband was beginning to drink really heavy)  Well make a long story shorter my brother caused a lot of huge problems their, my sisters husband left with their 3 kids.  MY sister, brother had me over one night and broke the news that they were "together" I was shocked, dumbfounded, and really angry,

Now the thing that was even more disturbing was the fact they were smoking crack while they told me.   I literally think I went into shock and didn't know what to think or what to do.  I told them both that I had to leave and I loved them.  I walked out...I went home and told my husband who was I think well that explains why her husband left with the kids. 

I didn't speak to either one for 3 years, I heard all kinds of stories about how they were together and blah blah...it made me sick.  At the time I started to speak to my sister she had gone into how my brother and her split in a really bad way and he beat her raped her and tried to kill her one night and that he was going to jail for 3-5 years.  I was still very upset but thank ful thinking I would be able to get my sister back. 

Her husband and her were still married and both talked about reconciling... however, my sister still had a big drug problem which was still not really out on how severe.  She soon ended up dating another guy who was just as much an addict as her.  I tried to lean on her when my husband cheated and left me...this is when I found out how severe her drug problem was. 

She was arrested and looking at big prison time for drug trafficking, operating and maintaining a drug house, theft and like 3 other things. During all of this chaos my husband leaving my sister going to prison, my brother in prison, my mother and my grandmother passed away.  I myself felt so alone, I literally had no one. 

Well little fast forward it was just me and my kids, I was on Facebook one night shortly after getting the kids to bed and I see I have a message I open it up and it reads "Hi...you don't know me but I believe that I am your sister, I would like to speak with you if you would be willing"  I was taken back I looked at the profile picture and it was like myself was staring back at me....a younger happier version of myself. 

I was filled with questions and I didn't know what to do.  I contacted one of my cousins who was much older and that I was around a lot growing up. Her mother was my dad sister and she was someone that would take my sister and I a lot when we kids, kept my sister and I familiar with my dads side. 

Any how I told my cousin about the message and if it could be true, and why would the family not tell my and my sister we had another sister.  She didn't have any answers buy told her that she would have her mom call me.  I

t wasn't more than 20 minutes later my aunt who I hadn't spoken too since my sister had gone to prison, (I have very judgmental family...since my brother and sister were following in my parents footsteps than I must be too kind of thing) I did have a drinking problem and was sober for 3 years at the time of the message.  Any how she told me all about how we were split up that there was not one girl but two and it was a closed adoption. 

They were babies and the family thought it best that they had every opportunity for happy and healthy lives as they could.  I felt lied too, betrayed, cheated, I cant tell you exactly all the emotions that went through my head considering how they were given to loving happy family that wanted them and than I think about the life that my brother had. 

The life that my sister and I had.  The Woman from the FB message turned out to be the baby my mom was having the night we all were ripped apart.  Apparently her adopted parents gave her the adoption papers when she was 18 after she was refusing to give up on wanting to know her "real" family. 

I told both my reconnecting sisters about our parents and how sick they were and that they were truly blessed to have been able to go to such lovely people as their adopted parents.  My new sisters and I began to have a great relationship..family visits getting our kids together and sharing stories about growing up and the experiences we all had. 

I told them about the sister I grew up with and I told them we had a brother my twin.  I didn't go into details about the relationship they had.  I felt that was not really my story to tell and I didn't want to loose them honestly, I felt like I wasn't allow, my kids had cousins to play with and aunts. 

Well years later after the initial meeting my sister was released and in recovery...I told her about the sisters and she too was like me in the beginning and we all got together and bonded.  4 sisters together after all that time...it was wonderful and something you read about and it was our life. 

Later when my brother was released...almost 2 years later a new wife and a baby too...the 2 new sisters wanted to meet him.  I told them not any of the bad stuff I wanted them to not judge him..but I did tell them my brother had it the worst of all of us and he is really a confused and scared person just be careful and watch how much you extend to him (I could see my brother using them for money....lieing or stealing from them...manipulating them he was really good at that from all my experiences with him) 

The three of them met and the older of the two sisters detached herself saying she didn't know why but she really had a feeling that best not to get to close or trust him.  Privately her and I had a conversation about the past and I told her that it would be best if she spoke to our youngest sister to warn her. 

Well apparently the youngest sister felt that was an awful thing to do and allowed him, his wife and their son to move in with her, her husband and their two daughters.   It was 3 months later that the older of the two sisters said that the youngest and her were not speaking and that she felt it best that I find out what was happening on the youngest terms.  later that week my youngest sister told me what had happened. 

My brother had moved in they were parting all the time, taking lots of different pills and his wife had gone to visit her mother with the baby and my brother got my youngest sister so messed up they had sexual relations and he was than basically blackmailing her telling her that if she didn't continue to have sex with him that he would tell her husband and she would lose her kids and marriage and he would tell all of her family and our biological family and no one would want anything to do with her anymore.

She would be humiliated and shunned from everything she loved.  She was hurt and lost and scared and didn't know what to do.  I told her she had to be honest and go to her husband and tell him exactly what had happened and tell him that he has to make our brother leave....with force if necessary and that she would have to tell his wife.   T

hat she may loose her husband, but if he really loved her that he would stand up and protect her and than work on the issues that are exclusive between the two of them in their marriage. I also suggested she speak to the sister I grew up with that had the "relationship" with him already that she would be the best person to know exactly how she was feeling at the time. 

She did the things I explained ultimately her husband protected her but their marriage did not make it and he did take the kids.  My youngest sister took years to rebuild her life and establish a relationship that allowed her to see her girls more than just every other weekend.  Well this is where things get really upsetting. 

My youngest sister remarried a great guy, air force, good looking responsible and just loves her daughters.  They built a house a year ago and things seemed to be doing really great. My sister just recently took a job in our home state, which was odd considering they just built a house in Charlotte NC.  She told our aunt it was to be closer to the girls,  However when I asked why she would take a job back here in MI. 

She than told me she tried to move passed my brother, that her marriage was ending because she told her current husband about what had happened when my brother began writing and calling her collect.  My brother well 3 years ago was convicted of rape and sent to prison for 15 years.

My youngest sister than tells me she willing was involved with my brother back in the beginning that it wasn't the drugs that made her sleep with him, that as much as everyone might hate her that she and he are in love and want to be together and that she was leaving her husband and moving Back to MI so she can be closer to where my brother is in prison so she can visit him. 

OMG!  I AM IN A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE.  I freaked out  seriously lost my crackers.   I told her besides the fact that he is our brother....look at what kind of man he is?  have you lost your mind? 

She than explains that its not wrong because they didn't grow up together so they don't associate a sibling connection.  That she knows that a lot of people will not understand and they will be judged and that it is simply society that is close-minded.  If men can love men and woman can love woman why don't they have the right to love each other? 

Than she went on to tell me I can be supportive or I can say good bye.  I told her I love her and want her in my life she is my sister and he is my brother and that is the relationship I want with them, but I am not going to play along like it is normal. 

What are you going to wait for him for 12 more years and than when he gets out support him, he is a registered sex offender...a rapist...you won't ever get to be with your daughters, you will be giving up so much to what? Where do you really see this going?

You can't marry...He is literally unemployeable (he has never worked a job longer than a month, is a felon, no license, no skills, no education he dropped out in 10th grade, has been in jail and prison more than he has been out) he has been know to beat up on his ex-wife our sister, and this woman he raped and you seriously think that is a respectable and healthy relationship? 

Honey you need a therapist.  She than told me....tonight that she honestly feels that we should live our separate lives from here on out.   Oh and the older of those two sisters...has terrible rare heart disease that I found out 2 years ago about.  She had a surgery but its not looking good and stopped talking to me and the other sister when she found out, her adopted mom and youngest sister explained it like she was scared to get any closer and wanted to make it easier on us when she finally passes.

Which as a week ago was told it could be any time.   So the sisters that I lost so long ago and have been able to reconnect with and have that sense of family with have as I feel been ripped away again.  One who can't help it and the other well she is just a sick girl.  I know because of the first sister she will have to learn this lesson the hard way and nothing I can do to make her change her mind. 

My brother has his hooks in and I actually been thinking tonight so so so so many times I have prayed in my head "Please god take him....not my good sister" How messed up is that?  I know this is really long and I do apologize. Probably really confusing and I really didn't want to post such graphic stuff but man I really need to vent? and I really am hurting?  Im so tired of losing people...This is not what family is. 

I mean no family is perfect....but HOLY CRAP! I feel better just getting it off my chest... yet all the things I should have done different I feel so responsible.   I also am so conflicted.  I HATE MY OWN TWIN BROTHER! I still feel like there has to be something I can do. I almost want to contact the prison that my brother is at and inform them that he is involved in an incestuous relationship with his sister...and get her visitation removed and so he won't be able to contact her. 

I think that the distance and not being able to talk to him would get her the space she needs to think clearly.  She already hates me...and the whole relationship is between them so they should suffer the consequences right.  If she get in trouble with the law maybe that will make her wake up and understand the seriousness of the situation.  


Really sorry so long...its a definate vent


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 9, 2018 at 8:58 AM
I would love to read your post, but the font is VERY hard to read. Next time, if writing a long post like this one, you might want to consider a more legible font that's easier on the eyes and breaking up sections with spaces in between.

I did get about a quarter of the way through and I agree with momonthego2019 about counseling. I took it for a while when I was going through stuff and it helped immensely! Take care and good luck!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2018 at 12:31 PM


Quoting momonthego2019:

There are so many circumstances/events within this thead.  I feel that family counseling would be great however I doubt seriously that you could get everyone to attend.  Have you considered counseling for yourself?  You shouldn't have to keep all of this in all the time.  You should really talk to someone who is objective and who will help you sort through the mess sort of speak.  You don't choose your family.  This is who you were given but you do have a choice of how involved you will allow them to be in your life and your family.  You can't change people and you can't make them do "right".  You can love them but you can't force them to love you back.  There is a lot of healing needed for everyone but you should start on your own healing journey.  Maybe seeing you grow, heal, etc will have a positive effect on them.  

I have been in counseling for better than 13 years myself.  I know there is no way that I could ever get them all together.  I know I can love them and not make them do whats right.  I am walking away from once again.  I myself can't be healthy mentally and emotionally around it all.  Nothing I wanted more than the bond of all my siblings and a family dynamic for my own kids.  But realistically that's just not going to happen so I need to move on.  Thank you for your words...they are good ones.

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