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I Finally Learned to Stop Holding Grudges & Let Things Go

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:25 AM
  • 9 Replies

I Finally Learned to Stop Holding Grudges & Let Things Go

posted by Kristen Chase 

Letting stuff go is good for your mental healthI used to believe that I just had a really good memory, and that was why I remembered all the crappy things people in my life did. Sure, there were awesome times, and I have wonderful memories of those too, but it's sort of ridiculous how well I can recall all the bad.

Now I realize it wasn't necessarily because I had a great memory, but because I was a grudge holder. Partially because some of the things were never resolved, and partially because I just couldn't let them go.

If I could go back, I wouldn't have wasted my time obsessing about those things. I would have moved on, resolution or not.

I believe at a certain point in time, you have to understand your own role in a situation, and then decide what you're going to do about it. That could mean you seek closure no matter what the cost. Or maybe it means you decide it was too hurtful and separate yourself completely.

But whatever choice you make, I feel strongly that you have to let whatever it is go once you've made your decision. Otherwise, you'll end up like me, holding onto stupid, painful memories that don't deserve your attention.

Of course, all this is easier said than done, but I'm pretty sure it made much more sense after I had kids and I didn't have the time or the energy to juggle everything in my head.

Those thoughts and feelings don't need to be taking up space in your brain when there are so many other things you DO want to remember and keep close to you.

I'd much rather remember my daughter's first words than the time I had to call the police on my dad.

Yes, it was a big deal. But it's not doing me any good having it sit and fester in my mind.

Everyone has a different way of letting things go, but I've found that actually writing those things down on a piece of paper and then tearing it up or burning it is super effective.

But once you do, I bet you'll find that you're a much happier person, with much more space in your head, your heart, and your life for the really important and amazing things that matter.

The one time that guy said that ridiculous thing to you. The moment your mother made you feel 10 inches tall.

Get annoyed. Get frustrated. Say what you need to say. And then let it go.

You'll be so glad you did.

Are you a grudge holder?

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:25 AM
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by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 7:36 AM

I used to be but it's really a waste of time. Not everything is going to work out and people are going to piss you off. It's just a part of life so just let it go and move on. Life is too short to be pissed off all the time is what I say!

by Deanna on Jul. 31, 2013 at 9:20 AM
I used to be a grudge holder but not any longer. It was a waste of my time and energy. Plus, I'm a happier person.
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 9:23 AM

Depends on the issue

by Angela on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:49 AM

Depends. There are somethings I just CAN'T let go.

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:52 AM

To a point, I agree with you.

A good lot of the time, I think it's better to not even get mad at the person in the first place.

For example, I see one relative about every 20 years.   He says an awful lot of rude stuff every time I see him.   Any objections?   He hits the ceiling.

Finally, after a while, I came to this.  

Why even let it bother me?   I don't.   In fact my husband and I usually chuckle about it afterwards.   The only reason I listen to him is so I can tell my husband later and we can have a small laugh over it.   Otherwise it just slides off my back.

Has NO effect on my life, NO effect on anyone i my family....who gives a shit what he says?

Nobody should.

That's why I say, before you get all worked up about what someone said, ask yourself?   Is it really important?   It probably isn't.   If it's just your ego or your sense of self importance that has been trampled on, let it go.

Same at work.   Lots of people say lots of things in the heat of a multi-million dollar contract.   A month later that same loudmouth is your new boss.   Too bad if you told him off.  You'll soon be out in the parking lot with a box of your belongings.

Further, a lot of people are under duress when they say something 'mean' to you.   People do have lives and sometimes very bad things happen to them, and they get upset.    Mental illness and other problems also might be behind the bad behavior.

But 99% OF THE TIME - the person didn't mean it the way you took it anyway.   Getting all puffed up about it is pointless when it's all in how you take it instead of in how it was actually meant.  

So quite often, the 'meanness' comes from your own sensitivity to some subject, not any real actual meanness on the part of the speaker at all.

Telling people off isn't always the solution.   A lot of times, the solution is to not even get offended in the first place.

It helps if you look at them and just imagine their head as a cabbage.   A friend of mine imagines any annoying person as being a 2 year old toddler screaming for his pacifier.

I like that one too.

The thing is this.   If you never have a job, maybe you COULD 'share your feelings' with each and every person who ruffles your feathers.   But it just doesn't work that way on the job.   The goal is more important tnan any personal issues and all those little slights just aren't important.   The goal is.

That's often the case with family too.   It's more important to just get through the funeral, or illness, or birth, or reading of the will, and just not have a big blow up.

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:36 PM

I'm not really a grudge holder at all.  In fact I probably forgive people for things I shouldn't lol.

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 6:24 PM
I'm too good at letting things go and find myself being taken advantage of. The last year or two I've been allowing myself to get angry when I'm not being treated right. Not to become bitter but so I can keep it from happening from here on out.
by Tina on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:46 AM

For some things, yes. I admit it's hard to let some things go.

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:58 PM

It really depends on what the issue was.  Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not.  There are certain things we do need to let go to continue our lives for our own health and wellness.  Somethings are better to hold onto to remind us not to repeat past mistakes.

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