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Kinda ot for this group but I need some adult help

Posted by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 3:04 AM
  • 19 Replies

 Does anyone in here work (or just function) on opposite shifts of their spouse/partner? when do you find time for sex? we've done it twice in the month since i started work and i'm worried about us if this keeps up. I'm really worried that we feel like we should miss it, but don't. I used to have the sex drive of a 16 year old boy and now i got zilch.

by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 3:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
loveTHEviking
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 6:45 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry to hear that :(. My Dh has a very high sex drive but it's hard for me to keep up with him. We go through spurts. I'm a SAHM and he works from 7 to 5:30 so we usually find time a few days a week. Hubby knows how to push my buttons if I'm not in the "mood" and it's almost instant turn on lol. I make him work for it but he likes it lol.

IncognitoOne
by Angela on Aug. 29, 2013 at 8:31 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm no help. I'm a SAHM. DH and I have no problem finding time. Hopefully someone in here can help.

mamamedic69
by Deanna on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:06 AM
DH and I went through a phase like that. We ended up asking the doctor for bloodwork to be done and found out that DH's T level was off and one of my hormone levels (can't remember) was off. Got supplements and it was back to normal.
Dabberdoo
by Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 10:54 AM

I don't know what to say.  I'm a SAHM and he works 60 hours a week.  We sleep together almost every night and have sex once or twice a month.  I have zero sex drive and I assume my husband has none either since he never wants to have sex.  This is "normal" for us.  

EthansMomma2010
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 11:18 AM
I just feel like at 23 this isn't gonna end well if we stop having sex. My dh has always had a low sex drive but not me. :( am I putting too much pressure on us?

Quoting Dabberdoo:

I don't know what to say.  I'm a SAHM and he works 60 hours a week.  We sleep together almost every night and have sex once or twice a month.  I have zero sex drive and I assume my husband has none either since he never wants to have sex.  This is "normal" for us.  

EthansMomma2010
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 11:19 AM
I know I need to get off my BC but I can't afford the other med I actually need right now. Im sure dh needs to be tested but he won't go.

Quoting mamamedic69:

DH and I went through a phase like that. We ended up asking the doctor for bloodwork to be done and found out that DH's T level was off and one of my hormone levels (can't remember) was off. Got supplements and it was back to normal.
Dabberdoo
by Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 12:17 PM

I think if it bothers you its something you need to addressed.  I think you need to first examine your relationship and schedules.  What is hindering your drive?  Are you still physically attracted to your husband?  Is there something else going on that you aren't sharing?  Are you guys having problems?  (I don't expect you to answer these questions for me.  I'm just throwing them out there.)  If you have a good, healthy, mutually respectful relationship, then it wouldn't hurt to talk to your OB/GYN and see what is going on with your hormones, possibly even thyroid.  I don't think you should expect your relationship to reflect what someone else considers "normal".  You need to evaluate your intimacy needs based on the two of you as a couple.  For us, we're in our thirties, six children, home school, one income, one car, husband works a butt load of hours and is purpetually tired . . . . sex several times a week truly isn't practical for us.  I don't put pressure on us to live up to that expecation when it simply isn't realistic.  Now, am I happy with once or twice a month?  Not really but this is just a season of our life right now.  I refuse to stress about it.

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

I just feel like at 23 this isn't gonna end well if we stop having sex. My dh has always had a low sex drive but not me. :( am I putting too much pressure on us?

Quoting Dabberdoo:

I don't know what to say.  I'm a SAHM and he works 60 hours a week.  We sleep together almost every night and have sex once or twice a month.  I have zero sex drive and I assume my husband has none either since he never wants to have sex.  This is "normal" for us.  


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EthansMomma2010
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:36 PM
That's a great perspective. Its our shccedules. He just went back to school full time, I just started working 40+ hours second shift and we have a special needs 3 yr old. I guess I always feel like if we don't live up to the expectations of "normal" then one if us will cheat. ( we had a bad relationship 2 yes ago but worked really hard to fix it). But maybe that just isn't true.

Quoting Dabberdoo:

I think if it bothers you its something you need to addressed.  I think you need to first examine your relationship and schedules.  What is hindering your drive?  Are you still physically attracted to your husband?  Is there something else going on that you aren't sharing?  Are you guys having problems?  (I don't expect you to answer these questions for me.  I'm just throwing them out there.)  If you have a good, healthy, mutually respectful relationship, then it wouldn't hurt to talk to your OB/GYN and see what is going on with your hormones, possibly even thyroid.  I don't think you should expect your relationship to reflect what someone else considers "normal".  You need to evaluate your intimacy needs based on the two of you as a couple.  For us, we're in our thirties, six children, home school, one income, one car, husband works a butt load of hours and is purpetually tired . . . . sex several times a week truly isn't practical for us.  I don't put pressure on us to live up to that expecation when it simply isn't realistic.  Now, am I happy with once or twice a month?  Not really but this is just a season of our life right now.  I refuse to stress about it.

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

I just feel like at 23 this isn't gonna end well if we stop having sex. My dh has always had a low sex drive but not me. :( am I putting too much pressure on us?



Quoting Dabberdoo:

I don't know what to say.  I'm a SAHM and he works 60 hours a week.  We sleep together almost every night and have sex once or twice a month.  I have zero sex drive and I assume my husband has none either since he never wants to have sex.  This is "normal" for us.  


clairewait
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 2:07 PM

I agree with the advice to try not to stress about it, but I also agree that it is stressful.

You are 23? How old is DH?

Two things stick out to me (though it is hard through such minimal info to really know) for further investigation:

- he has a low sex drive   --and--

- getting off birth control

If something isn't medically going on with your DH, I'd look into his libido first. Very possibly his work schedule and stress are affecting him, but at some point, something has to give. I've never met a man (straight or not) who had a perpetually low sex drive unless there was a medical issue, or he wasn't interested in the woman he was with.

To speak to the birth control issue. If I had to pinpoint the one most unhealthy thing for me in the last 8 years, it turns out it was hormonal birth control (of all kinds). It made me sick, sometimes crazy, sometimes depressed, and definitely killed my libido. I've been off everything for almost 9 months (had a baby last December) and am using the Creighton Model of family planning. It is almost identical to Billings... 

I'm not 100% awesome and normal, but I'm so much closer than I've been for my entire married life. 

From reading your comments, I think the schedule is a secondary issue here. If you were in the mood and hubby was in the mood, you'd find and make time for it. I think the lack of mood right now is what you might want to try to figure out.

And I hope you do. It is hard enough to keep up with the emotional and physical connection with my fairly normal and straightforward schedule and life. You've got some curveballs to work in there... hugs.

Claire Wait

My blog: TheUnderToad.com

Dabberdoo
by Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 3:39 PM
Focus today on meeting his needs today. If that need includes physical intimacy, do that, even if you don't want to. Part of my job as his wife is to meet those needs so I don't believe in withholding sex. I'm the only person he is allowed to have sex with so I believe he should be allowed to have sex whenever he wants. (My husband is very respectful. I understand there are men out there who are selfish pigs that don't respect their wives.). So, fill his needs today and don't borrow from tomorrow. If you are doing everything in your power to be and do what you are supposed to be, then his stepping out of the marriage can't be laid at your feet. You can't control his behavior, only yours, so focus on that and leave the rest. You'll drive yourself sick fretting about it all the time.

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

That's a great perspective. Its our shccedules. He just went back to school full time, I just started working 40+ hours second shift and we have a special needs 3 yr old. I guess I always feel like if we don't live up to the expectations of "normal" then one if us will cheat. ( we had a bad relationship 2 yes ago but worked really hard to fix it). But maybe that just isn't true.



Quoting Dabberdoo:

I think if it bothers you its something you need to addressed.  I think you need to first examine your relationship and schedules.  What is hindering your drive?  Are you still physically attracted to your husband?  Is there something else going on that you aren't sharing?  Are you guys having problems?  (I don't expect you to answer these questions for me.  I'm just throwing them out there.)  If you have a good, healthy, mutually respectful relationship, then it wouldn't hurt to talk to your OB/GYN and see what is going on with your hormones, possibly even thyroid.  I don't think you should expect your relationship to reflect what someone else considers "normal".  You need to evaluate your intimacy needs based on the two of you as a couple.  For us, we're in our thirties, six children, home school, one income, one car, husband works a butt load of hours and is purpetually tired . . . . sex several times a week truly isn't practical for us.  I don't put pressure on us to live up to that expecation when it simply isn't realistic.  Now, am I happy with once or twice a month?  Not really but this is just a season of our life right now.  I refuse to stress about it.

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

I just feel like at 23 this isn't gonna end well if we stop having sex. My dh has always had a low sex drive but not me. :( am I putting too much pressure on us?





Quoting Dabberdoo:

I don't know what to say.  I'm a SAHM and he works 60 hours a week.  We sleep together almost every night and have sex once or twice a month.  I have zero sex drive and I assume my husband has none either since he never wants to have sex.  This is "normal" for us.  


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