Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Kinda ot for this group but I need some adult help

 Does anyone in here work (or just function) on opposite shifts of their spouse/partner? when do you find time for sex? we've done it twice in the month since i started work and i'm worried about us if this keeps up. I'm really worried that we feel like we should miss it, but don't. I used to have the sex drive of a 16 year old boy and now i got zilch.

by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 3:04 AM
Replies (11-19):
graycalico
by Deon on Aug. 29, 2013 at 10:39 PM
It can be normal to have dips in sex drives. But maybe find other ways to connect and build intimacy and your drive might pick up. That's something I've been working on with so. I'm up ll night with babies so we aren't even sleeping in the same room most nights and he works really early and heads to bed early.
I pop in the shower on occasion or steal a few minutes to talk. And I've been trying to make sure I hug him w/o a kid in my arms. Lol
Numom61507
by Tina on Aug. 30, 2013 at 12:33 AM

My Dad has worked overnights for as long as I can remember. They had sex every Sunday. Unfortunately, I was made aware of this information :(  lol

EthansMomma2010
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 12:43 AM

 lmbo!!!! how scarring. lol.

Quoting Numom61507:

My Dad has worked overnights for as long as I can remember. They had sex every Sunday. Unfortunately, I was made aware of this information :(  lol

 

EthansMomma2010
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 12:49 AM

 i sure wish dh liked shower sex. it's one of my pet peeves because it's such a time saver. lol. good to know it's normal to have dips though. i'm sure we will eventually figure it out. that's a good point about hugging wihtout a kid in your arms. i need to make time to hug him more and not when i'm running out the door.

Quoting graycalico:

It can be normal to have dips in sex drives. But maybe find other ways to connect and build intimacy and your drive might pick up. That's something I've been working on with so. I'm up ll night with babies so we aren't even sleeping in the same room most nights and he works really early and heads to bed early.
I pop in the shower on occasion or steal a few minutes to talk. And I've been trying to make sure I hug him w/o a kid in my arms. Lol

 

EthansMomma2010
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 12:54 AM

 the bc is temporary. i have very low progesterone and without bc or progesterone i spot endlessly and get awful migraines. i don't like taking bc but without insurance i didn't have a choice because my progesterone is pricey. (specially compounded to avoid side affects). i tried creighton model by the way and hated it!!!!! my hat is off to you for making that work. I just decided to buy stock in trojan. lol.

i have no idea how to convince dh to get his testosterone tested. i have been asking for 3 years now. it is not work, school, or anything else. when he was off for 3 months this summer and so was i, we still barely had it twice a week. he is 23 too.

i need to start saying no to overtime. i feel bad because i know they need it, but it's killing my energy and productivity levels which kills my desire.

Quoting clairewait:

I agree with the advice to try not to stress about it, but I also agree that it is stressful.

You are 23? How old is DH?

Two things stick out to me (though it is hard through such minimal info to really know) for further investigation:

- he has a low sex drive   --and--

- getting off birth control

If something isn't medically going on with your DH, I'd look into his libido first. Very possibly his work schedule and stress are affecting him, but at some point, something has to give. I've never met a man (straight or not) who had a perpetually low sex drive unless there was a medical issue, or he wasn't interested in the woman he was with.

To speak to the birth control issue. If I had to pinpoint the one most unhealthy thing for me in the last 8 years, it turns out it was hormonal birth control (of all kinds). It made me sick, sometimes crazy, sometimes depressed, and definitely killed my libido. I've been off everything for almost 9 months (had a baby last December) and am using the Creighton Model of family planning. It is almost identical to Billings... 

I'm not 100% awesome and normal, but I'm so much closer than I've been for my entire married life. 

From reading your comments, I think the schedule is a secondary issue here. If you were in the mood and hubby was in the mood, you'd find and make time for it. I think the lack of mood right now is what you might want to try to figure out.

And I hope you do. It is hard enough to keep up with the emotional and physical connection with my fairly normal and straightforward schedule and life. You've got some curveballs to work in there... hugs.

 

mommie2madison
by Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 9:51 AM

LOL... we work the same shift, go to bed at the same time, and still have only had sex maybe 2x in the last month!  ;-)

clairewait
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 10:17 AM
Quoting EthansMomma2010:

i have no idea how to convince dh to get his testosterone tested. i have been asking for 3 years now. it is not work, school, or anything else. when he was off for 3 months this summer and so was i, we still barely had it twice a week. he is 23 too.
 

Is he overweight? I think there is a direct correlation between activity and sex drive (definitely there is for my DH!). I know it will probably be another monkey wrench into your already packed schedule, but if you have any weekend time together, maybe spend it working out, hiking, biking, something active.

My husband is a soccer player, and I continue to let him sign up for a league every season (indoor or outdoor) because it is the biggest stress relief for him. For us, this is actually quality time spent apart.

I'm not saying that is the solution, but maybe one thing to try....

As for getting him to go to a doc-- that's tough, for anyone, but especially men. I think you need to start by sitting him down and having a very serious conversation about your thoughts on your sex life.


Claire Wait

My blog: TheUnderToad.com

EthansMomma2010
by on Aug. 30, 2013 at 12:01 PM
We have had several conversations. It never works. Yes he is overweight and I know its a problem. The thing is that he is active and eats the same healthy stuff as me. Just a little overweight still.

Quoting clairewait:

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

i have no idea how to convince dh to get his testosterone tested. i have been asking for 3 years now. it is not work, school, or anything else. when he was off for 3 months this summer and so was i, we still barely had it twice a week. he is 23 too.
 

Is he overweight? I think there is a direct correlation between activity and sex drive (definitely there is for my DH!). I know it will probably be another monkey wrench into your already packed schedule, but if you have any weekend time together, maybe spend it working out, hiking, biking, something active.

My husband is a soccer player, and I continue to let him sign up for a league every season (indoor or outdoor) because it is the biggest stress relief for him. For us, this is actually quality time spent apart.

I'm not saying that is the solution, but maybe one thing to try....

As for getting him to go to a doc-- that's tough, for anyone, but especially men. I think you need to start by sitting him down and having a very serious conversation about your thoughts on your sex life.



Numom61507
by Tina on Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:23 PM

They were always borderline gross being affectionate around us and I found some things in a box when I helped Mom clean out the closet once. Oh scarred for life. The funniest part was she told my bio-Mother once on a visit and they both sat there laughing hysterically. They both thought it was hilarious and I was like "yeah thanks laugh it up! I'm scarred for life now!" LOL

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

 lmbo!!!! how scarring. lol.

Quoting Numom61507:

My Dad has worked overnights for as long as I can remember. They had sex every Sunday. Unfortunately, I was made aware of this information :(  lol

 


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)