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Not fair.

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 12:55 AM
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As some of you may recall from some previous posts, my daughter has anencephaly and wont live more than a few hours after she's born.

Words won't do my love justice. I love my baby girl SO much. Just as much as I would love any child of mine who was going to make it. And I would give her such a good life with all the love and support a child needs to thrive.

Two days ago my sisters friend gave birth via c-section to a perfectly healthy 9lb baby girl. She smoked like a chimney her entire pregnancy. And she drank some. And the way she treats her 4 year old makes me sick.

I know that God gave us this little girl for a reason. And I will honor and respect her life, short or long as it may be. But I'm still pissed. I am SO SO MAD that God would give a negligent, selfish mother a healthy baby, and I don't get to keep mine. I want what she has. I want to take my baby girl home from the hospital with me and hug her and kiss her everyday until the day I die. Not until the day she dies.

I know these aren't the best feelings to have. Anger, jealousy, etc. And I'm working on it. But I don't think it's unreasonable to want to keep my baby girl...

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 12:55 AM
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Replies (1-3):
JohannaLsMom
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 10:22 AM

I absolutely understand. During my pregnancy i did everything right, no alcohol, no  caffeeine, i took my vitamins every day.  For some reason though my son didn't make it and there are so many people who don't even want kids and end up with beautiful babies.  it's just not fair.  We can give a baby a beutiful loving home but for some reason  it doesn't happen that way.  Life just isn't fair.  It's been 12 days now since i lost my son, and I still feel so cheated. Not only do I feel cheated, but more than that i think HE was cheated.  He never got to be rocked, or fed or got to see his sister.  He never did anythign wrong you know, why did he deserve this?   Sorry for rambling on and on.... BUt yes I know how you feel...

deemommylove
by on Jan. 26, 2009 at 1:06 AM

I lost my baby at 15 weeks gestation and we're not sure why, other than I had a urinary tract infection that started.  I do have 3 other healthy children without complications during pregnancy, and we are having a hard time TTC again.  I do keep asking myself why?  And quickly put myself into check and answer because God so chooses.  I am so sorry you and everyone in here has had to experience such a painful process.  You will get stronger, and you will feel happy for those other babies someday because they are all God's children.  I miss our son, and will always want to know who he might have become.  But I am happy for him because WOW he is with God.  After all, a mother's ultimate goal is for happiness, peace, and love in our children's lives and for them to make it to heaven someday.  God just hit the fast forward button for certain selected ones.  I hope and pray my other three get there.  God bless you during this trying time.

briannasmom7907
by on Jan. 26, 2009 at 1:14 PM

You are not alone. I had a baby girl in December 2004. She died February 2005. A month later, my cousin had triplets. One of them had very serouis health problems. My cousin (the father) was sooooo stupid. The sick baby lived 4 months. In that time, my cousin would take his money and spend it on stupid stuff, like speakers for his car, instead of his utility bill or rent. He never gave the three babies much attention. Even after he lost Evan, he was still oblivious to the fact that he and his family were not invincible. I hated him so much. I loved my daughter, and she knew it. She was spoiled emtionalyl and materially. She was going to have a great life. Why did God take her? We had done nothing wrong. On the other side, my cousin was stupid and careless and he got to keep his babies. When they lost Evan, I thought he would change. I was even more mad at him after that because he was still acting like an idiot. I have since let it go because i understand he was a dumb kid who made mistakes.

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