After a rough week, I began drinking AGAIN. Three days ago, I drank an ungodly amount of beer and still couldn't sleep I was so upset. I thought, well, Fuck it, I'll take extra seizure meds bc they make me tired. So after all the beer and I won't say how many seizure pills, I looked online to make sure I hadn't overdosed. That's when I realized omg I've just killed myself. I'm going to die tonight. The sad part is that I really didn't care...until I started thinking about my Boys. About them coming in and finding my lifeless stiff body on the couch. What I would be taking away from them. What I had already taken from them. At that point I ran to the bathroom and threw up everything in my stomach. I prayed that night so hard for God to forgive me and give me one last chance. To just please let me wake up in the morning. That was my rock bottom. I can't do it anymore. And ever time I start to crave a drink, I think about that night now. As horrible as that was, I'm glad it happened bc until that day, I hadn't really seen the damage that shit will do to your life. So I'll probably be on here a lot for the next few weeks throughout my journey to sobriety. Glad to have this group.
on Aug. 14, 2014 at 9:44 PM