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After a rough week, I began drinking AGAIN. Three days ago, I drank an ungodly amount of beer and still couldn't sleep I was so upset. I thought, well, Fuck it, I'll take extra seizure meds bc they make me tired. So after all the beer and I won't say how many seizure pills, I looked online to make sure I hadn't overdosed. That's when I realized omg I've just killed myself. I'm going to die tonight. The sad part is that I really didn't care...until I started thinking about my Boys. About them coming in and finding my lifeless stiff body on the couch. What I would be taking away from them. What I had already taken from them. At that point I ran to the bathroom and threw up everything in my stomach. I prayed that night so hard for God to forgive me and give me one last chance. To just please let me wake up in the morning. That was my rock bottom. I can't do it anymore. And ever time I start to crave a drink, I think about that night now. As horrible as that was, I'm glad it happened bc until that day, I hadn't really seen the damage that shit will do to your life. So I'll probably be on here a lot for the next few weeks throughout my journey to sobriety. Glad to have this group.
by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 9:44 PM
Replies (21-30):
letstalk747
by Support- owner joy on Aug. 22, 2014 at 7:08 PM

we will never be selfish

                                                             for putting our recovery first

lucy164
by Support -peggy on Aug. 23, 2014 at 8:57 AM

How is your day going today?

lucy164
by Support -peggy on Aug. 23, 2014 at 9:23 AM

If you keep going to meetings you will soon not be afraid of these people.  Everyone is nervous about going in the beginning.  Please keep going and you will find comfort instead of fear.

Quoting LivingDeadGirlx: I've tried meeting but I'm afraid of people so. It just gave me panic attacks lol
Quoting lucy164:

I'm so glad that you got back on the right path again.  Do you attend AA meetings?  Your journey to sobriety would be so much easier if you did.


letstalk747
by Support- owner joy on Aug. 24, 2014 at 12:23 AM


LivingDeadGirlx
by on Aug. 24, 2014 at 12:33 AM
I want to blow my brains out. I hate this. I donated to an addiction charity today for teens and tried to sign up to help these kids. They turned me down because my tattoos. For gods sake I have the serenity prayer tattooed on me. I'll never be good enough. With everything else I'm ready to give up.

Quoting letstalk747:

letstalk747
by Support- owner joy on Aug. 24, 2014 at 1:13 AM
1 mom liked this

thats crazy , shine it on , YOU ARE GOOD ENUF , no giving up , i hear ya tho.

Quoting LivingDeadGirlx: I want to blow my brains out. I hate this. I donated to an addiction charity today for teens and tried to sign up to help these kids. They turned me down because my tattoos. For gods sake I have the serenity prayer tattooed on me. I'll never be good enough. With everything else I'm ready to give up.
Quoting letstalk747:


letstalk747
by Support- owner joy on Aug. 24, 2014 at 10:45 PM
1 mom liked this


lucy164
by Support -peggy on Aug. 25, 2014 at 11:35 AM
1 mom liked this

huggingI think that having a tattoo is no reason for them to turn you down when all you want to do is help.

letstalk747
by Support- owner joy on Aug. 26, 2014 at 4:07 PM


letstalk747
by Support- owner joy on Aug. 26, 2014 at 4:08 PM

 courage to change the things i can.

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