Just joined this group because after last night's events I've decided I need to make a change. I'm 30 years old and my son is seven. I have a really great guy in my life but when I drink (which I do every night starting right after work) I black out. I've been horrible to him on several occassions but from what he explained I did last night, I just wanted to punch myself in the face. Repeatedly.
His (my SO) father has a serious surgery today and it's stressing him out. He needed me last night but I failed him. I yelled at him and tore him apart for nothing. Not only that, but he's told me that I've been mean my son before and he's had to keep me away from him. Not physically, just the words I say...yell actually. That absolutely breaks my heart to know I have become that person.
I have a lot of deep seeded issues that I'm afraid of touching on because....well, why is anyone afraid of their past? I don't know if I can handle knowing the truth to some things in my childhood. I think drinking helps me shove those memories and feelings down, but in reality I erupt at the people who care about me the most.
I hope I can find support and encouragement here and I hope I can help someone else when they need it too.