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My random thought for today

Posted by on May. 4, 2014 at 7:20 PM
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ODS is 11 now, and has been telling me for years that when he's old enough to decide (at 12), he will be going to live with his dad. Oh man does it hurt, but I know it's his decision and doesn't have anything to do with me being shitty or horrible. XH has shift work at his job. All 12 hour days, sometimes he works 5 days, has 2 days off in a row, works 4 nights, then has off 7 days in a row. (That's not his exact schedule; I can never remember it exactly; but you get the idea.)

The older kids (ODS and DD are his, YDS is my DHs) see their dad as often as possible, sometimes even weekly. He's a much more lenient parent than I am and there aren't any rules at his house. So I also know some of the appeal to live with his dad is that, on top of missing him a great deal.

I do kind of worry about being judged harshly by people who will ASSume he lives with XH because I've lost custody, something really hard for moms to do in Texas. I worry a lot about what it will be like having the kids separated from each other, growing up in different houses. DD may decide to live with her brother and dad when she's old enough to decide.

It makes me so sad but I'm not gonna lie: I'm holding on to the hope that once ODS sees it's different actually living with his dad than the fun visits and trips have been. Assuming XH lays down and enforces house rules that is. Maybe, just maybe, he'll come back soon after he leaves. I know, I sound horrible and bitter and clingy. I guess I am.
by on May. 4, 2014 at 7:20 PM
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Replies (1-6):
JaneyGirl225
by on May. 4, 2014 at 7:26 PM

Who would have the child/ren when XH is working?

There is a huge difference between being a parent and being "weekend fun daddy". 


Dandy11
by Sweetness on May. 4, 2014 at 7:51 PM
They will be in school during the day, but I don't know who would watch them before and after school and on the weekends XH works. His shifts are from 5pm-5am or 5am-5pm. I also don't know which school they would go to- the one in the town XH lives in or the one he works in (45 mins away from where he lives). He's remodeling his house when he's off, hoping to sell it and move to the town he works in.

It all still needs to be worked out. ODS won't be 12 until next March and I'll probably make him finish out his school year here first.
JaneyGirl225
by on May. 4, 2014 at 8:49 PM

I'm so sorry. I can't offer advice because I don't have experience with this, but I can be empathetic. I'm in business. Many business decisions, while possible, are not always the best for ongoing concerns. 

ScaldingHotBath
by With ice cold wine on May. 6, 2014 at 9:05 PM
Do you get a say in the matter? I know kids can voice their opinions at certain ages, but doesn't more go into changing custody, like who will take care of them his crazy schedule?

If he does go, why can't you simply say that he wanted to live with his dad after years of living with you? I know several moms in the same spot and I've never assumed they lost custody. I thinks it's even more obvious for you since you'll still have kids living with you.
doingtheunstuck
by stickingtheundone on May. 7, 2014 at 12:33 PM

Is your ex on board with him living there?  

I'm sorry.  That must be so hurtful to hear.  I'm sure your ds thinks he will have more freedom and less rules there.  It's not a reflection on you. 

Dandy11
by Sweetness on May. 7, 2014 at 5:18 PM
I honestly don't know how it works. It's a ways off, so I won't consult my lawyer until next year sometime. XH is on board but we may not make any changes right away just because ODS is old enough to decide.

It does break my heart, the thought of him not being here. It's hard enough when they go to their dad's for one week at a time.
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