Forty-something Moms with young Children need more posts to discuss

[happynewyorker]

Hello, I'm Lee.  I had my daughter Katharine at age 40.  Katharine's turning 7 in December and I'm turning 47 in July. 

When I had my daughter I was excited to be a mom for the first time.  But, for me I was very tired the first year having her.  What about you, were you tired?  I always needed 7 to 8 hours of sleep to feel rested and when I had Katharine, I never had that amount of sleep.  My dear Katharine never wanted to sleep.  She never slept at night and hated being in the car and stroller.  It would take me forever to get her to sleep at night.  How about your children?  Being in the car with katharine I had to sit in the back each time, the motion of the car drove her and us CRAZY!! 

Ok, they talk about having patience as you get older.  I still learning and starting to find the patience.  It was hard in the begin, after having a child. But as my daughter grows I'm starting to learn patience.

I know having a daughter is hard at time, how is having a son? 

Being a mom is hard, being older sometimes seems harder. 

[Annette4]

I completely agree with you on all counts! I'm 45 and know those feelings all too well!

I had my first son at 23, my second at 27. Then divorced at 34, remarried later that year @ 34 and had my only daughter at 38 (surprise) and my youngest son at 40 (bigger surprise!). 

I have found that:

#1 - boys are easier, but more rambunctious.
#2 - girls are moodier, sassier and manipulative.
#3 - I DO have more patience with the younger kids at an older age, and really appreciate my time with them.
#4 - I have less patience with the older kids, as they really should know better by now! LOL
#5 - I am tired, but determined.
#6 - If God chose to give me one more surprise, I'd probably die or be committed.  I know not funny, but I just don't know if I could handle anymore!

I had PPD with my first son at 23 and a small amount with my last one. I feel during both times, I did not have full support of my husband and it made a huge difference in how I bonded with my children in the beginning. 

I think people can have babies at any age their bodies are able to, but you really need a loving and supportive partner and a strong sense of self in order to adjust to the challenges that never stop.

[happynewyorker]

I thank you for the info on the boys and girls.  My daughter is all those 3 items listed.  I thought ti was funny on # 6.  I'd think it would be a bigger surprise if you had another child around 47/48.  Just from the age that you had a child, one earlier in the age and the other one towards the end of the age.  Let's hope not, I wouldn't want you to be committed. 

I agree people can have children at any age.  But, what age is it unfair for the child to have an older parent?

[ScottsWifeSusan]

Personally, I have two sons ages 22, and 19, and the other three children are girls. I personally think my boys were sooo much easier than the girls. My patience is only tested by my teen daughter. She thinks that i am too strict, because all of the other moms (her words) out there let their daughters get peirced belly buttons. Umm well not this mom. I never had to worry about things like that from my boys. Oh, and when they were babies they were so easy going. Girls....not so easy going.  lol

[ScottsWifeSusan]

I agree totally about the partner. If you do not have a loving and supportive partner, it is so much more difficult.

Quoting Annette4:

I completely agree with you on all counts! I'm 45 and know those feelings all too well!

I had my first son at 23, my second at 27. Then divorced at 34, remarried later that year @ 34 and had my only daughter at 38 (surprise) and my youngest son at 40 (bigger surprise!). 

I have found that:

#1 - boys are easier, but more rambunctious.
#2 - girls are moodier, sassier and manipulative.
#3 - I DO have more patience with the younger kids at an older age, and really appreciate my time with them.
#4 - I have less patience with the older kids, as they really should know better by now! LOL
#5 - I am tired, but determined.
#6 - If God chose to give me one more surprise, I'd probably die or be committed.  I know not funny, but I just don't know if I could handle anymore!

I had PPD with my first son at 23 and a small amount with my last one. I feel during both times, I did not have full support of my husband and it made a huge difference in how I bonded with my children in the beginning. 

I think people can have babies at any age their bodies are able to, but you really need a loving and supportive partner and a strong sense of self in order to adjust to the challenges that never stop.

[skyinautumn]

No more surprises for me.  

I have an 8 year old son and he was born when I was 32.  I also have a surprise baby that was born when I was 38.  She is now 2 and I will be 41 in October and she will be 3 in November.  I don't find myself having a lot of patience with my son, and I have more for my daughter.  My husband has never had a lot of children responsibility and I find it extremely difficult to take care of everything all the time.  He does a lot of the house work I neglect.  It is hard to have children at any age, but I think that age now is harder.  

My husband too is almost 11 years older than I am.  I am really beginning to feel that we have nothing in common anymore but the children.   

[MandMsWorld]

I have 3.   2 boys age 8 and a girl age 4.   I was 36 & 40 when they were born.   I am often tired all the time.    Fortunately, they are all good sleepers - but now that the boys are older....this summer has been a challenge for me trying to find the time and energy to get all done that I need to get done  - well, done.   I get up at 5:15  m/w/f so I can run before my DH goes to work and try to be up between 6/6:30 the other days.   My kids are ALL up before 7:30 - no matter when they go to bed.   And, with my older kids schedules often in the summer that means 9 p.m.  And, I do try to spend that last hour before bed with my DH even though usually we are sacked out on the couch in front of the idiot box.   I need more sleep often, but more often so do they.  Worse, DD is just hitting the "I don't need a nap"stage so is unbelievable cranky by the end of the day  - and the CLOTHES and HAIR battles.  OMG.  

Today, I put my DD down for a nap, told my sons they had twenty minutes of reading on their beds (door open) and I went and "rested my eyes" until they were done.   Fastest 20 minutes all day.   My DH came home early so he could take the boys shopping separately for each others birthday presents (they are"technically" still 7, 7 & 3).   He took DD with the first one and the second son went down the street to play.   I was SO EXCITED to have middle of the day time ALONE in the house.   It lasted 5 minutes, when the 12 year old from down the street (were DS went to play) came over.   Sigh.   I put her to work - she wrapped the kids' birthday presents.  LOL.

Here are my gripes.....some are older mom gripes, some are SAHM gripes, some are just gripes :)

1) not enough time in the day.    or night...

2) I quit my job so that we could have some family time in the evening when they were little - but even in the "under 5" crowd, very few activities (dance, soccer, karate) offereed here during the day.   So much for that.  

3) I'm getting old, gaining weight, and need to have time to workout.   The YMCA here in the summer has camp.   So during they day they still have "child watch" - great for DD, but don't offer "youth watch"

4) I want to go back to work at least part-time - and parttim child care - even on a regular basis is just not AVAILABLE.    It doesn't exist.   So this fall when DD goes to 4 year old school.....I'll be cramming in as much work as possible 3 mornings and 1 day a week, putting her mind to "numb" with a video 3 afternoons a week, and spending the day "enriching" (o.k. - playing, shopping, runnin errands) on Fridays. 

5)   I love being home with my family.  We went and did ALL the time before kids.  But I hate trying to find babysitters.   I babysat from 12 - 15 (when I became a lifeguard for more $$) but here, noone thinks their kids have time to work between school and cheerleading (or whatever) on even an irregular schedule.   We usually only go out when our parents visit or there is someone else invites us to go - again, the sleep issue!   Please.   I worked 17 hours a week, had swim team practice 17 hours a week and went to school.    And, managed to get accepted to every college I applied to.

BUT - as  older parents we ARE more financially secure than we would have been 15 years ago....our kids are well travelled - although because of our family dynamic, that might have been the case anyway.   I don't feel "cheated" from missing something.   Although, I do miss the money from working!!!   And, so does my 1975 house.....

I think I am both more patient,and less patient.  After 12 years of marriage and 18 years of living away from home, we were both set in our ways by the time the kids came along.  

anyway  must set the table  DH just came home with DS #2, and Karate is in 30 minutes.

 

m

 

 

 

[MomtoMandJ]

 My twins are 4, I'm 50 and am still tired.  Hopefully they'll go to school in September and I'll be able to crawl back into bed and get some naps.

[bored777]

Wow, so where should I begin, I had tyler my first at 26, raised him alone till he was 10 , then had Jaxen who will be 4 in august, at 40. I have no energy my mind feels like mush most of the time, I love my boys but having a 16 yr old and a 3 yr old doesnt make for good times at my house. I remember there was a time in my life where I carried my id, lip gloss and 20 bucks in my pocket...Now I feel like the Grizzwalds 24/7 and oh yeah its never good enough.....Oh and what about me??????Cause according to my family I am just a mom and a wife..