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Is it harder to forgive someone after they have lied to you so much?

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:10 PM
  • 9 Replies

I do not like liars.  I am very big fan on just tell me truth no mater what.  

I have had people lie to me, I turn the other cheek for a little fib, a second one depending on how big the lie is I let slide, but the third lie.  Three stikes your out.

I had a pretty close friend, that continuely would lie to me.  Her family was pretty close to mine, and we loved doing things together.  My so called friend would make up excuses, in great detail why she could attend something or go somewhere.  I don't know why she had to o in great detail, the bigger the detail the more chances of getting caught in a lie.  She would then go on Facebook and talk about what she was really doing hour by hour not even thinking of others reading her post.  It got worse and worse.  I understand if you just want to do something with your family, or just want to stay in but lieing is not needed.  I am a mother too, I  understand I can't make it to everything, and my family will always come first.  If you don't tell a lie, you don't have to worry about remembering it.

I am over with this friend, she has hurt me and my other friends, she has reached out to me in a email, a cc other friends on it, wanting to be friends again.  If she was serious about being a friend, she could have picked up a phone or written me a personal letter apologizing for her actions.

What do you think, should I forgive and forget, or keep the negative person out of my life and go back to not communicating with her.  I know this sounds like high school, and it is a bunch of silliness.

Would you give a friend that has done you wrong, and lied to you and your friend a 4th chance?

by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:10 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Mdmooch
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:28 PM
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I would not give her another chance. I would forgive her but I would not want to be friends anymore. I have learned I am too old for that stuff. I put my energy into my family and other positive friends. You don't need that negative energy to bring you down. I would never be mean to that person. I would always be cordial especially because you have mutual friends and will probably see each other somewhere. But I would never again be "friends". Don't give in to her negative energy. It iust brings you down.
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KatieB416
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 8:05 PM
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I think Andrea hit it dead on. Forgiveness is important for so many reasons; especially, your own well being. Obviously, you're not going to be as close as you once were, but to maybe reach a place where your "cordial" with one another would be great. It might feel shallow, but you are going to see each other in the very near future. Therefore trying to completely eliminate someone like that from your life would only cause more drama. For now, maybe try being nice and respectful to one another and see where it leads.
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carole76
by Group Admin on Dec. 3, 2012 at 8:07 PM

I have a friend that is very upset with me because I will not forgive this girl.  It's hurting my relationship with my other friend, but these last few months have been great, not having to deal with the lies.  

Mdmooch
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 8:11 PM
The other friend needs to respect your feelings. Just don't put that person in the middle. They can have a relationship with the person just not expect you too. Maybe just ask them to respect you as a friend and if they care abbout you they will.
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carole76
by Group Admin on Dec. 3, 2012 at 8:14 PM

Yeah, I would hate to lose my friend.  She keeps making excuses for her though.  She says being a working mom verses a stay at home mom there are more challenges.  I love being a stay at home mom and wouldn't trade it for anything, but to say women that work are under more stress kinda hurt my feelings.

Love4you2
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 8:14 PM
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I've had a few friends who were close when they wanted to be, then disappear, and when they felt like it, they were all buddy-buddy acting like nothing happened.  I've come to realize that I'm a little too nice sometimes. Even though I like to joke around, I will do anything I can to help a friend.  But I am not an idiot, I know when someone is using me or trying to drag me into their problems, or if they simply do not respect me enough to give me the courtesy I give them. I do not play their games or deal with self-inflicted drama. I can name 5 of these people I've dealt with off the top of my head- my sister jokes about how I seem to attract them. Misery loves company, but it can't have mine.

Mdmooch
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 9:16 PM
Carole, unfortunately you may have to lose that friend too if she can't respect your feelings. I have been both a working mom and a SAHM. I love being a SAHM. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Both have their challenges and pros and cons. Since I have been both, for me working outside the home was easier because if I was sick I could go home and take care of myself while someone else was taking care of P. I don't have that now. And if I got off early I could go and do something like go to the store and not have to worry if anyone would be there wity P. We need to support each other , not knock each other down. We are all doing the best for our families.
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carole76
by Group Admin on Dec. 3, 2012 at 9:22 PM

Yeah, you are so right, I have done both too.  I worked until my oldest was 7 months.  My husband worked weekends, I worked Monday through Friday.  It was good money wise but I never saw my husband, and didn't feel like I was connected much with my baby girl.  I am glad we were able to have me as a stay at home mom.  At work, I got a lot more shopping done, got a work out in, got to eat lunch with other adults.  

carole76
by Group Admin on Dec. 4, 2012 at 11:26 PM

I did Not respond to her but a friend of mine that got the same email did.  It was like we thought she just wanted drama, and trying to start something so some people just are not worth spending time on.

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