Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Marriage counciling, what is your take on it?

Posted by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 2:50 PM
  • 16 Replies

Ok for a little over a month I have been in counciling by myself and with my husband.  Having done this before and saw great results, until my hubby went back to old ways. I am going into counciling a little different this time, and very reserved, and watching how my husband handles and what he takes it, in.  He was doing great the first few weeks , but after a busy schedule starting up and everything, things we have been advised to do are being set aside until life catches up.  A simple thing like date night is turning into a grocery shopping trip, or running to the store together to pay a bill.  Seems like now when we go to counciling he feels we are making process and I feel horrible, that I have to share so much with a outsider.  

What is you opinion of seeing a marriage counseler?  Do you see the bennifit ?  

Is there something I can do to make me feel more comfortable when talking to a shrink for a hour about old bad memories I really don't want to talk about?

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 2:50 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Hyacinth72
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:04 PM

Carole,

Sorry that you are going through what seems likes a hard time. I have never been to marriage counseling but if my marriage warranted it, I would try to do so whole heartedly. I can imagine how hard it is to talk to a stranger about your differences and challenges. I wish I could offer some advice but just remember how sweet the outcome will be and the pay off after you finish the program. 

carole76
by Group Admin on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:06 PM

Thanks

CwgrlMama
by Gold Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:26 PM
I think you both have to want it to help. Have you mentioned all this to your counselor? He/she may be the better person to tell hubby that a grocery run is not a date. We went to one session with an associate pastor who said everything that I had been saying for months but yet, bc he said it, hubby decided to do it. I was relieved and ticked at the same time.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
carole76
by Group Admin on Apr. 18, 2013 at 4:04 PM

The shrink does talk to him about points I make, and how important alone time is to our relationship, but it seems he doesn't listen to her either. He says he is totally getting it and still nothing.  Maybe the man telling him things works better.  He really likes this lady though.

SicilyShelly78
by Silver Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 8:29 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't know what to tell you. When I went I had trouble opening up too. Then I realized that no matter what, this person isn't there to judge me. They're listening to me to help. And if I don't open up and give her all of the information, she's not going to be able to help me. It took some time, but after I finally started talking, it was like the flood gate was opened and I couldn't stop. It was a huge relief to finally say everything.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Mdmooch
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 4:12 AM
I don't really know. I would try it if we needed it. I do know two couples who tried and both are divorced now. One the husbamd acted like nothing was wrong and refused to change and the second the wife said she wasn't changing and wanted a different life basically. I don't know of anyone else who has gone and been successful. I really believe it does work though if both parties want it to.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Bangel23
by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:25 AM
Definitely weird feeling but our lady made me feel comfortable rather quickly. But I fear this is going to be a waste of time and money. I don't have a bunch of personal feelings about my self to work out. She talked about how we look at our past and relate it to reactions we have to things today, and all I thought was "ugh, done that myself for free". I was surprised by how much mike did say at our first meeting but at the same time he sounded like he was BSing with his buddies, not completely 'real'.
I don't know what's going on here. We are just roommates. And we aren't scheduled for counseling til the 29th but every time shrink called with a cancellation opening, mike wouldn't try to reaarange his schedule for us to take it. (But we have to go Mondays when convenient for him although I'm swamped with work mondays..argh)
Now I'm getting angry a lot this week stuck living like this. I was stressed and insomnia last night and even asked for sex and got rejected. By the time we get back to counseling, fear I'm going to be in a full "screw this, I just want a divorce" attitude!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Bangel23
by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:34 AM
Do you have a certain amount of times you are allowed to go? My insurance is unlimited but mikes insurance said just ten visits. (So we used mine )
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
carole76
by Group Admin on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:38 AM

I understand your feeling.  You just want your husband to try, and you want to feel loved. Luckily I think my husband is trying but sometimes I feel it's a little to late.  After years of dealing with this my heart has changed.  I am praying for you.  Hang in there.

Bangel23
by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:50 AM
Yep I'm worried it may be too late too but trying to block those thoughts from my head. But I told shrink that would be my huge issue..if he became a much better husband, not sure if I could just adjust and enjoy, been off in my own world for so long without him.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN