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HELP! I need options and/or ideas

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 9:38 PM
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Okay, so my hubby just enrolled in school . . .he goes to orientation on the 13th of August.  Having no previous college education, he is having to start at the bottom and work his way up to seminary.  He wants to get his MBA before going to seminary (he says so when he retires, he will have something to do, but everyone knows pastors don't retire . . . lol) Anyways, it is going to be a long 8 years.

I have quit my job because we are moving closer to the school he is attending and it is entirely too far for me to drive back here for what I was paid.  I am now staying home with our son while hubby goes to school full time during the day and works full time on 2nd shift.  We are doing this for our son, who has never known anything but the place we live now, surrounded by family (grandparents, great-grandparents, his uncle), and seeing these people on a daily basis.

Anyway, to get on with it, my hubby and I had lunch together yesterday alone for the first time in at least 6 months.  We talked about school and all the stuff related to the ministry that we are having to deal with right now. (St. Andrew's in Scotland being his chosen seminary and whether we should go the first or last year of seminary, blah, blah, blah)  And all of  a sudden he comes out with "what are you going to do when I get out of school?" HUH??  That came out of nowhere! I didn't know what to say.  Honestly, I was a little confused, I didn't know what he meant by the question.  I said well, maybe I would go back to school (I went a semester before I got pregnant) and become a social worker.  That is what I always have wanted to be. 

He said that wasn't what he meant, that I was supposed to DO something and I needed to figure it out.  He said that he was worried because I did nothing.  What did that mean??  Well, he said, at church I didn't teach (I said sometimes I did, when Becky wasn't there-I am her substitute for teaching Sunday School.), I didn't read or sing when asked (I am very self conscious about reading in public and I lack self confidantes where my singing voice is involved if I am not singing with a group),  I just attended regularly Sunday School and Worship Service also Evening worship and Wed. prayer meeting. (And while he was on it, why didn't I pray outloud during prayer meeting?)

Finally, I got what he was getting to.  He wasn't being mean, just curious.  And he finally confessed where his curiosity came from. 

While we were on vacation, I got kicked-literally-out of the bed and went and got in another bed.  My hubby came and found me in the wee hours the next morning and snuggled real close.  He never said anything until we were at lunch yesterday, but he had a dream that night after I changed beds that I was supposed to be doing more in the ministry than supporting my husband.

I told him I would think about what he had said.  End of conversation.  Until we went to his aunt's house to visit.  She couldn't have cared less about what Mark was doing about getting into school.  She was totally focused on me.  What was I going to do?  Stay home with Jonah, hmmmm.  You know, you really like doing stuff with kids.  There is a position in my church that just opened up-Children's minister.  It's a full time job, but it is lots of fun, etc. (Trying to sell me on this specific postition)

So, since now I can't stop thinking about how I can get more involved, I need ideas.  I don't know what there is for me to do.
I don't feel right about taking the children's minister position because 1) the Lord called Mark to preach, not me.  He chose me to be Mark's wife.  2) I have never held any position in church other than Bible School teacher. (and this was the first year that I was allowed to be the teacher of the class instead of just a helper)  3) I just quit my job because we are moving over an hour away and that is just too far to drive with gas prices going up and my paycheck staying the same.  4) I don't go to this church.  I have my own home chuch.  The lady was suggesting that I still go to my church, but work at hers.

So, what are some ways that I can get more involved?


P.S.  Sorry for the lengthy post.  I didn't know how to make understood what I needed.  I still probably didn't do a great job of it. 

by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 9:38 PM
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by on Aug. 1, 2007 at 12:43 AM
Your post really hit home with me.  I married a dairy farmer, or so I thought!  Now I am married to a Senior Pastor!!!  I was terrified, because I really didn't feel called to "the ministry".  But it has been 21 years now that I have been a Pastor's wife, and I'm very comfortable with where I am.

It sounds to me like your hubby has bought into the "2fer" deal, where he has some kind of a notion that when he gets a church, they will be hiring two for the price of one.  Believe me, that's NOT the way to go!

First of all, as the church takes up your hubby's time, most of the child rearing is going to fall on you.  That takes time, prayer, and wisdom!  Secondly, there are going to be things that you will do, as his helpmate, that maybe other wives don't have to do, like go to funerals and say nice things to comfort people that you don't know!  Or praying over the refreshments at a baby shower you were invited to only because you are the Pastor's wife.  But I have never considered being the "pastor's wife" a position, although most people will look to you in that capacity and they will either give you respect or try to beat you to death because of it.  But no where in scripture does it ever mention Pastor's wives, that I have been able to find, which tells me that we will be busy enough adjusting to the crazy schedule, encouraging him through the hard times and washing his undies!

Find what God has gifted you to do and do it in His body, even before you become a PW.  He may develop some things in you, but it won't be forced.  And remember, that as your hubby is being prepared for life in the ministry, the Lord, in His own way and time, will also be preparing you for ministry, however that may pan out in the end.    

From the sound  of your post, you have 8 whole years to figure this out!!  In my humble opinion, hubby may be putting the cart before the horse. 

How has God gifted you to operate in the Body of Christ?  That is how He will use you! I think your hubby will calm down a bit, because hopefully they will address this in seminary.  At least, you will have some other women to help you when he's in seminary.   He seems to be looking at other Pastor's wives and thinking that there is an unwritten law about what your role as PW is.  

Just reasure him that you will be whatever GOD wants you to be as his helpmate, both in marriage and ministry.  And take a deep breath yourself, spend some time alone with God and get His ideas and perspective, and then look for answers to your prayers to come to you.  

Finally relax!!!  So many Pastor's wives get sooo stressed out!  God told me long ago, because I do not fit the "mold" of Pastor's wife--I can't tell you how many times I've been told that--that He made me the way I am because that is how He would use me.  Yes, He has changed me so, so much, but that is the life of any Chrstian, constantly dying to self and living to Christ, constantly learning of Him, becoming like Him, and doing new things because of Him in you--your grace and strength.    Our parishoners tell me that they love that I am not a "normal" Pastor's wife, because I'm just a "you get what you see" kind of person--no fakery, no uppity or holier than thou attitude--yet, they respect me as well, because of my husband and his ministry, and God does use me to minister to them, even though I have no "position or title" in the church.  So relax!  Being a pastor's wife is only hard if you are not secure in Christ, so that should be your main focus--to really, really, really get to know HIM!  that is the best and only preparation that you need!  Everything else will fall into place--I promise! 
by Member on Aug. 1, 2007 at 8:54 AM

Thank you for your post, happyvalleygirl!  It helped so much to calm my wandering mind.  This has been all I have been thinking about since the conversation took place.

The thing is that I love working with children.  I am 22 years old and as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to work in a field that would allow me to surround myself with children, especially preschoolers and kindergarten age.  Social work seemed to be the right choice for me.  I wanted to work in the SSN & D 0-3 division. (Sever Special Needs and Disabilities).  Now I don't have that desire anymore and it really scares me.  I absolutely loved the Human Services classes I took that one semester I completed.  And the personal/interpersonal psychology coarse reaffirmed that this was what I need to do with my life. 

I always thought that once my son started school, I would go back and finish school.  Again, I have no desire to do even that. 

Like you, I just married my high school sweetie.  He works at a tire plant.  This has thrown me for a gigantic loop that I am still in the middle of, hanging upside down.  Everything that I THOUGHT I wanted in life has changed in just a couple of days.

My hubby told me once, when all this started, that he was scared to go back to school.  Now I am scared not to.  I don't know what God wants me to do.  I have prayed and prayed and prayed.  I know that he will show me when he wants me to know, but I wish I just weren't so anxious and confused while I wait.

Mark hasn't brought it up again, but that one little conversation planted a seed. . .

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