bing bad in public.how to deal

my son just runs constantly so....all I do is just run after him all day....when we go shopping or somewhere i bring the stroller and then let him run when i'm finished shopping or something..same with everywhere...he runs. I run.

The first time my daughter threw a huge fit in the store, I took her to the bathroom and spanked her butt twice.  I was in and out of there in about 2 seconds.  She hasn't done it since.  I just ask her if she wants me to take her to the bathroom and she says "no" then behaves.  You only have to do it once for them to know that you will do it and that you mean what you say. As a result, I have a 2 year old who never acts up in restaurants or out in public. And the best part, is I never have to spank her - as long as she knows that I will if she disrespects me or acts like being bad is funny.  Your son does know better.  Teach him that he can't deliberately disobey you, no matter where you are.

I am in the same boat you are! My son always wants to get up from the table and run around at resteraunts or leave the groccery store while i am paying. He gets better sometimes for a few weeks and then starts up again. I know he is testing me to see how far he can go. But I hate making him sit there at the table and not walking with him for a few minutes b/c he literally will scream at the top of his lungs and people stare at us like what the heck! lol. I see it in their face that they wonder why i cant control my kid and what his problem is. And i hate it! lol. I am actually on the verge of not even going out with him anymore right now. I am 5 months pregnant and frankly cant stand the stress of it all. lol. I just dont want to have to stop doing things like that. I got him to finally not run around stores by just letting him cry in the cart, but in a resteraunt i feel so guilty about everyone else having to hear him. I also dont really want to spank him, so right now im with you on this! lol

Kids are so different!! What worked for Emily's daughter definitely doesn't work for my little boy! . I have a problem wit my son running off in public too. Sometimes he's a bit apprehensive and wants me to hold him, and other times he has no fear and if he's interested in something, he'll take off without caring where I am.

In the doctor's office he'll drive me crazy because there's a well-child and a sick-chick area and when he's well he always wants to go play with the toys that are on the sick-child side.  He'll listen to me but as soon as he thinks he's able, he'll run over to the other side.  He just doesn't understand why there are toys there that he can't play with haha. His speech is way behind, and while I think he understands me most of the time, I'm not always sure and that makes discipline all the more tricky for me.

Oh! and throwing little fits at the table! Grr, seriously I've tried just about everything legal to get him to stop that, and the more I did, whether it was taking him to the car or the bathroom for a timeout or for a little swat ( I've tried both, but I refuse to do more than barely smack his diapered and clothed bottom and honestly it just made him worse so I stopped doing even that),  it just escalated his behavior and made him more and more frantic and louder and louder.

Now, I'm trying the ignore thing, and that seems to be working but that's just about impossible to do in public because people look at you like "aren't you going to do something?" when the problem is that he's acting that way because he wants that negative attention "no, stop that right now" and the more I do the worse he is. And he wants me to get all upset and take him out. He really wants that even if it means sitting in the car bored for 10 minutes, he's accomplished his goal of getting me to do something. He doesn't care that that something isn't plesant for him, he's just happy he's caused something. That sounds crazy, but it's really true in his case. 

Still, we're getting to the point that he realizes acting up in public doesn't get a rise out of me so he rarely does, and when he does it lasts maybe a minute and then he realizes he's not even getting my attention so he calms himself down very quickly.  If we're at a restaurant and he doesn't calm himself, I will take him out to the car not because I think it will help him behave but because I don't think it's fair to others to have to listen to him scream.  I used to talk to him all the way out to the car "Austin, that's rediculous, stop that right now" blah blah blah, it just made him scream louder.  Now, I just silently take him out if I have to, I don't even look at him. I silently put him in his car seat and we just sit there until he stops.

My parents definitely don't understand the ignoring thing, and think I'm being inconsistent. But it's not like I'm giving in to his fits or letting him have what he wants. I still don't let him have what he wants but now I don't give him any attention at all when he yells. I won't even look at him until he stops.

Anyway, that was long! sorry!

About the running away thing, there are certain times when I definitely still use the stroller and the highchair.  If I strap him in, he can't get away.  Sometimes I think he should be old enough to just mind me and not run off, but it doesn't matter if I think that's what he should do, he's not there yet and I don't want him to get hurt just because I think he should be able to behave better by now. I'm hoping as he gets a little older and I can communicate with him a little more (and he gets out of the terrible 2 stage!) the running away thing will stop. 

If I were you I might consider using a harness thing. I know, I know I HATE those things, but that was before I had my child. I've been around lots of kids and some are just different than others. I always thought I would never have to use one of them and I would get my child to behave. Well, in another year or so  if he still hasn't matured enough to  behave well enough so that  he doesn't need one, then I'll re-evaluate my parenting techniques, but right now it's where we're at.  I prefer using the stoller, but in places where that's not possible, and I know I"m not going to be able to hold his hand every second, I'd use the harness. 

I completely understand what you're going through.  My daughter Jaylea thoroghly embarrased me yesterday at the mall.  I went to the Gap and bought her a new outfit, then we went to the picture place for her 2 year pics and there is a big fountain right in front of it.  She wanted to go see the fountain, I told her she could go see it ater we had her picture taken (we only had 5 min to get her dressed before her appt) she started SCREAMING bloody murder, I mean seriously like we killing her.  She was freaking out, hysterically, frantically trying to keep from changing her clothes.  After 10 min of this I told her either stop or we were going home and she was going to bed.  I ended up leaving the mall with her dressed in only a t-shirt and diaper screaming all the way.  And you betcha I put her straight to bed when we got home.  We ended up rescheduling for yesterday evening and it went MUCH better.  I really think I just spoil her too much, I laid down the law and did exactly what I said I was going to do and I think that got through to her.  Last night she didn't want to go to bed and kept getting up, after about the 4th time of putting her back in bed I told her I was taking her MiMI (bunny blanket Lovie) until she stayed in bed.  She cried and layed fthere for 5 min then I gave it back to her and she went right to sleep.  I think persistence and following through are definitely the key, at least for my daughter :o)

Some of the things you said remind me so much of myself and my son! lol. And my son is definitly SPOILED and i know that i caused that part of it. For the longest time dh and i would just do whatever he wanted to make him stop crying. My mom used to always tell me that i shouldnt do that, and now that he is older and his demands are way more inconveinent, like leaving when he wants to, i wish i never would have spoiled him like that. lol. I dont give in to him and leave when he wants to run out of some place, and i do make him sit in the cart at the store even if he doesnt want to, since he does try to run off a lot, but i admit every once in awhile when he is screaming extra loudly and for a long time, that dh or i will walk him around outside or in the building for awhile. i know we shouldnt do this and that it just makes him think he got his way...but honestly it is sooo embarrassing and nobody cares, they just stare at you like you are some crazy people! lol. Im glad to know some other moms of 2 year olds are going through this and that its probably something to do with their age. But i swear where are all of you out in public!!!??? lol. B/c it seems like im the only one out there in the store/resteraunt dealing with my kid being like this. I see all these little angels being so good and im like....it must just be me! lol

Quoting turtle79:

Kids are so different!! What worked for Emily's daughter definitely doesn't work for my little boy! . I have a problem wit my son running off in public too. Sometimes he's a bit apprehensive and wants me to hold him, and other times he has no fear and if he's interested in something, he'll take off without caring where I am.

In the doctor's office he'll drive me crazy because there's a well-child and a sick-chick area and when he's well he always wants to go play with the toys that are on the sick-child side.  He'll listen to me but as soon as he thinks he's able, he'll run over to the other side.  He just doesn't understand why there are toys there that he can't play with haha. His speech is way behind, and while I think he understands me most of the time, I'm not always sure and that makes discipline all the more tricky for me.

Oh! and throwing little fits at the table! Grr, seriously I've tried just about everything legal to get him to stop that, and the more I did, whether it was taking him to the car or the bathroom for a timeout or for a little swat ( I've tried both, but I refuse to do more than barely smack his diapered and clothed bottom and honestly it just made him worse so I stopped doing even that),  it just escalated his behavior and made him more and more frantic and louder and louder.

Now, I'm trying the ignore thing, and that seems to be working but that's just about impossible to do in public because people look at you like "aren't you going to do something?" when the problem is that he's acting that way because he wants that negative attention "no, stop that right now" and the more I do the worse he is. And he wants me to get all upset and take him out. He really wants that even if it means sitting in the car bored for 10 minutes, he's accomplished his goal of getting me to do something. He doesn't care that that something isn't plesant for him, he's just happy he's caused something. That sounds crazy, but it's really true in his case. 

Still, we're getting to the point that he realizes acting up in public doesn't get a rise out of me so he rarely does, and when he does it lasts maybe a minute and then he realizes he's not even getting my attention so he calms himself down very quickly.  If we're at a restaurant and he doesn't calm himself, I will take him out to the car not because I think it will help him behave but because I don't think it's fair to others to have to listen to him scream.  I used to talk to him all the way out to the car "Austin, that's rediculous, stop that right now" blah blah blah, it just made him scream louder.  Now, I just silently take him out if I have to, I don't even look at him. I silently put him in his car seat and we just sit there until he stops.

My parents definitely don't understand the ignoring thing, and think I'm being inconsistent. But it's not like I'm giving in to his fits or letting him have what he wants. I still don't let him have what he wants but now I don't give him any attention at all when he yells. I won't even look at him until he stops.

Anyway, that was long! sorry!

About the running away thing, there are certain times when I definitely still use the stroller and the highchair.  If I strap him in, he can't get away.  Sometimes I think he should be old enough to just mind me and not run off, but it doesn't matter if I think that's what he should do, he's not there yet and I don't want him to get hurt just because I think he should be able to behave better by now. I'm hoping as he gets a little older and I can communicate with him a little more (and he gets out of the terrible 2 stage!) the running away thing will stop. 

If I were you I might consider using a harness thing. I know, I know I HATE those things, but that was before I had my child. I've been around lots of kids and some are just different than others. I always thought I would never have to use one of them and I would get my child to behave. Well, in another year or so  if he still hasn't matured enough to  behave well enough so that  he doesn't need one, then I'll re-evaluate my parenting techniques, but right now it's where we're at.  I prefer using the stoller, but in places where that's not possible, and I know I"m not going to be able to hold his hand every second, I'd use the harness. 

My dh and I try out best to keep him busy and distracted in public... talking, counting, reading books, naming things, singing, snacking, ect.... WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS we do walk around with him outside or wherever.... you say below that maybe we shouldn't do this because they are getting their way...... 

BUT to the most extent I think that it is totally fine that we do this. Because..... they are only 2 years old. Their attention span at BEST is usually about 5-10 minutes. So, when I have to walk around outside I think.... well it's better than putting him in the bathroom at 2! and spaking him! No offense to those who spank... really... but in my mind he's only acting up because he's bored and anxious and busy and all... Don't get me wrong - when he's like 8 and is running out of the doctor's office away from me he will get it... (as if that would happen) but I just do gentle correction and explanation at this age myself... and honestly I have a really great kid. He isn't necessarily spoiled nor does he misbehave on a regular basis.... he misbehaves equally as much as the 2 year old neighbor girl who gets spanked.... Just my 2 cents!

Quoting LukesMommy836:

Some of the things you said remind me so much of myself and my son! lol. And my son is definitly SPOILED and i know that i caused that part of it. For the longest time dh and i would just do whatever he wanted to make him stop crying. My mom used to always tell me that i shouldnt do that, and now that he is older and his demands are way more inconveinent, like leaving when he wants to, i wish i never would have spoiled him like that. lol. I dont give in to him and leave when he wants to run out of some place, and i do make him sit in the cart at the store even if he doesnt want to, since he does try to run off a lot, but i admit every once in awhile when he is screaming extra loudly and for a long time, that dh or i will walk him around outside or in the building for awhile. i know we shouldnt do this and that it just makes him think he got his way...but honestly it is sooo embarrassing and nobody cares, they just stare at you like you are some crazy people! lol. Im glad to know some other moms of 2 year olds are going through this and that its probably something to do with their age. But i swear where are all of you out in public!!!??? lol. B/c it seems like im the only one out there in the store/resteraunt dealing with my kid being like this. I see all these little angels being so good and im like....it must just be me! lol

I agree with you, I think sometimes we expect way too much from our kiddos. They are only 2, and there's even a wide variation in 2-year-olds. We can't expect them to bend to our schedule and our wants all the time. That's the other thing that's challenging about discipline to me: knowing how much to expect out of my child and when.

i'm so glad i'm not the only one w/ a 2 yr old like this. i just feel like i should be doing something that will get him to stop. about spanking, i have smacked him out of frustration and now if he's mad he will say"mad hit momma" and come over and hit me, which he gets time out for. they learn by example so by spanking him he thinks he can do it to me. how can i spank him and then expect him not to do it back? i just want to have fun with him and we never can b/c he's always in trouble. i say "let me do this...and we can go to the park" well he never behaves long enough and then we don't go. having a 2 yr old is very frustrating but i'm glad i'm not alone

You're definitely not alone! It's so hard sometimes because we feel like we're failing them if they don't behave perfectly. I know what you mean about the spanking thing, I tried it like twice (haha although I don't think Austin even realized what it was all about, it was so light I"m pretty sure it felt more like I was playing than anything else) and it was because I was flustered and frustrated and embarrassed. It didn't work and it made me feel like a two-year-old myself. So that was the end of that.

I'm actually really glad I don't live near my family. They expect him to be perfect! If he does the littlest thing, they look at me and kind of shake their heads, and I really don't need that.  I'm starting to realize though, that that's their problem, not ours.

Oh, and I read a survery somewhere (sorry I can't remember where) about tantrums. Sometihng like 85% of parents of 2-year-olds said their child threw at least 1 tantrum a day, so we're definitely not the only ones with non-perfect kids.