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New to group. Raising my grandson

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 11:49 AM
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HI there,   I'm new to this group and I'm raising my 2 y old grandosn. His mother is 22 yrs old (my daughter) and she has NO CLUE what it is to be a mother!  She'd rather be with her friends and paty.  The nly time she acts like a mother is when her friends want to come to the huse.   She signed over full custody to me about 6 months ago.  My little guy knows me as NANA but he's always coming to me or grandpa when he needs/wants something.  He doesn't even go near his mother even tho she lives in the smae house.  Smetimes I feel so frustrated with the whole situation, but I know that if I don't care for him, he'll be pretty much on his own. And THAT is not the way I want him to grow up.  No matter how much I try talking to her about taking care of her son, she just doesn't get it!

I'm 56 yrs old and I never thought I'd be raising a child at this age.  It's nice to know thee are so many others like me out hee.
by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 11:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
rainbowoutlaw
by Group Owner on Jul. 26, 2007 at 10:45 PM
Granny B, You sound just like me! My grandson was 2 when we got custody of him cause my daughter was no mother type. This was her 2nd child. Her older son lives with his dad(permanent custody) & has for for about 10 yrs. She is so far behind in child support it ain't funny. Mason (our adopted grandson now)is now 7 and all the court issues are behind us.His bio dad just got out of prison and owes us back child support too. Feel free to post anytime and one of us will try to get back soon as possible. Thanks for joining our "little group."


Cindy
GrannyB_33852
by New Member on Aug. 23, 2007 at 1:36 PM
Hi Cindy.

I can well understand how you feel also.  My biggest problem is that I have gone to Support Enforcement to get some kind of money for this child and all they tell me is that they can't find the father.  How stupid do they really think I am?  All they have to do is run his social security number and they can find out where he lives.  But they tell me they can't find him and I'll just 'have to wait'. 

Fortunately I do get Medicaid and WIC for him now.  I had to fight a bit but maaged to get them to give.    It's NOT that I can't support him, but I figure that the state should help in some form.

Hope to hear from you again son.

Bev
tinacooper
by on Sep. 1, 2007 at 11:03 PM
  hello!  we adopted our grandson. he's 3 now but we got him when he was 5 months. his mom is our daughter and his cad is in jail. i know what u mean about u're daughter mine was the same way. she probully feels since u have cusody  she does'nt have 2 do anything.  of course he's going 2 come 2 u. he knows who he can count on. my little guy used 2 scream and cry when i took him back 2 his mom,before we got him full-time.  oh, i'm only 38. his mom is 20. i have a 16 and 10 yr old still at home.     take care!  just remember u're not alone!  i'm here if u need 2 talk.                                tina
mommyoncemore
by New Member on Sep. 8, 2007 at 11:56 PM
Just as the other posters I am also raising two of my three granddaughters ages 8 and 3. We are trying to get our youngest granddaughter age 2 by filing for adoption of all three kids. Our 8 year old has been with us since birth and we have had custody since she was 2 months. It certainly is alarming the number of grandparents who are having to take on the responsibility of rearing their grandchildren. My grandmother raised me and my brother until we were 10 and 11 then we went to live with our father and his family. I am really not sure which household was actually better since both were dysfunctional. Anyway I raised my kids without any help. Now I have to be honest and say I was a crappy mother in the sense that I did not have the patience, love and nurturing I have now with my granddaughters. My kids were a  job to me and not a blessing as they should have been. I worked every day and I always made sure my kids had food to eat, clothes to wear and a roof over their heads but I was not there emotionally and I really regret that. I have to wonder how much of an impact my emotional separation caused my daughter's current problems. I do take some responsibilities but I certainly hold her responsible for her continued bad decisions. You can only use the excuse of your terrible childhood for so long. As I have said in other posts I pray my daughter now age 26 will begin a life free of bad decisions and be able to get her two youngest kids back before she has to live the rest of her life with to many regrets. I really wish there was a local grandparents raising grandchildren's group in every city because my issues right now is finding other mothers or grandparents with kids the same age in order for my 3 year old can have play partners since I no longer work it gets lonely for the 3 year old when my 8 year old goes to school. Good luck with your daughter.
grannyHeidi
by Member on Sep. 23, 2007 at 10:06 AM

I am really not raising my grandsons, but I am always here to do everything for them, Dr appt's, sports, school work, food and a roof over their head.  Their dad lives with me, and has told me he wants to have more responsibility, so I am trying real hard to leave things up to him from now on, but they will always know how much I love them and are here for them.  I too was not a very good mom.  I was a single mom from the time they were 5 and 8 years. I guess feel responsible for their my son being so lax in things he doesn't or does do.  Like the earlier post tho, I was always there, with food, housing etc.  but emotionally I was thinking of myself.  Now at 59, I am concerned with my grandsons and their welfare.  I only wish I would have  had the patience with my sons that I have with my grands.  They are almost 7 and 9 now and I have had them living with me since the little one was 10 months.  They are a joy and I love them as their mom and grandma.

There are a lot of grandparents out here raising their grands.   I have tried to find grandparent type groups in my town, but so far there are none to be found.


Well Welcome to our group.  Looking forward to seeing you post again.

granny Heidi

ScrappyGal
by New Member on Oct. 24, 2007 at 8:23 PM
I posted on another, new to all groups.  After having our granddaughter for five months, the judge was to see us about a joint custody arrangement between us and the other grandmother, but denied it, and we have sole physical custody of her.  We were shocked, but the mom sat there with an attitude and was on one of her mood trips, the father was there and he wanted us to have custody while he is in jail, needless to say, he thinks when he gets out he will get her back..I think not, this was his third or fourth time in prison..giv me a break.  They now have to prove us unfit to get her back and guess what, that will never happen.  I wanted so much for my stepdaughter to get her mess together and be in her life, but she chooses not to comply with what the courts says and I am not taking chances, now she is with another drug addict and she is one...so hard on us. Harder on my husband, he is so hurt by her. Basically, get the full custody whenever it comes down to taking the kids from their mother, don't let them put the kids in a "safe plan"...as that can go against the child and you.  We have not talked about adoption, I think my husband really thinks one day his daughter will wake up and smell the roses, what he does not realize, it will be tool ate., bonding with her daughter is nill.  She does not know her mom...she is two years old and has not seen her since christmas 06.  We told her to go thru the appropriate court order and she has not done so, therefore she keeps herself from seeing her daughter.  thanks for letting me vent, someone to hear me and understand what I am going through, never thought I would be raising another child at 40, yet never thought I would have custody of my stepdaughters daughter...me and her never really hit it off, she never gave me a chance.  she was young when me and her father married, but her mom influences alot of that...hugs,
nanny142
by on Oct. 25, 2007 at 10:24 AM
I like knowing I am not alone in this ,also I had a post on my page not long ago looking for you. Then found this group.I am 49 I had my children early so that I would be able to do my thing before I was to old to injoy it. Turns out my thing is adopting two lovely little granddaughters. They came to live with us in sept.2000 adoption became final in mar. 2005. It took a long time but was worth it knowing now they can fill safe. Not to say we are problem free, I fill bad because I am not able to be the grandmother I would love to be to my 7 other grandchildren. Even wrose my frist born daughter lets me know how much resentment she has toward me because Idont have the time Ineed to do this so her girls are missing out. My 2nd though says it makes her sad but she understands I had no other choice.That helps some.
    Now can I ask a question abuot mt posts. Why does the edit block always came up on mine and not others, and why is there not a send a message to on the bottom of my post? WILL YOU TELL ME?   THANKS          
                                                                                                                                     
        MY GIRLS......................                                                     
ScrappyGal
by New Member on Oct. 25, 2007 at 10:38 AM
Oh my...your first born needs to to realize this is something we have no real choice...I am sorry she is mad at you, but you have to do what you have to do.  Life hands us obstacles and we are challenged with  the task, but there is no way around this!! You stay positive...I know i don't have other grandchildren, as of yet...and I plan on doin what I can when that time comes..the resentment won't be toward me, more like their stepsister will receive that...she is the one that put Savanna in this position.  that is who did it...Make sure you get plan a few things for you..."me time".  If you don't...you will go nuts...i know how to do that well..lol.  nice to hear that i am not alone in this. 

Hugs, Valerie

"Cherishing everyday, saving all the memories, creating history for my childrens children"

nanny142
by on Oct. 25, 2007 at 10:46 AM
 N ow when you say you know how to do that, are you saying you know how to find me time or are you saying you know how to go nuts ? I know how to do the ladder ,. however if your talking about me time share. PLEASE
ScrappyGal
by New Member on Oct. 25, 2007 at 1:22 PM
LOL I know how to go nuts, don't we all.  There are times and I ask myself what have I gotten myself into..but then i look at my lil cuddlebugs and she smiles..and I melt and then I know why.  But I make time for MEEEE...or I go nuts...I am a scrapbooker...you know all those photos you take..well I put them in a scrapbook..  I use pattern 12x12 paper and cardstock and just go...believe me, I am all about my scrapbooks...and well Savanna has taken over...with the pictures..lol...It relaxes me...I have a room over the garage and that is MY ESCAPE...I can only do that when hubby is home...but he watches savanna ..basically winding her down in the evening...watching a movie...or I scrapbook at the store I work at...part time...evenings...after work some of us gals will scrap our pictures and talk.  Find something that interests you...your youngest is 7 years old right...she can go to the bathroom on her own, pretty much do for herself...find a craft/hobby and just do it a few minutes a day or week...I am all about my cuddlebugs, but I am also needing that time..for me...all moms/grammas need that time.  time to start that, so you have some sanity left..lol...

Hugs, Valerie

"Cherishing everyday, saving all the memories, creating history for my childrens children"

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