Failure.... I really am a Failure

I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well. And please don't think I am being harsh, but is this the same boyfriend you told us about in your other post? If so, he not only treats you like garbage but he doesn't even work and contribute toward the household? Girl, I think it's time to lose the baggage. He is the failure, not you, and if you're really interested in getting ahead and succeeding and holding your head up proudly, I think he's gotta go! I am just having a hard time figuring out what it is exactly that you or your daughter are getting from him being in your lives.

That being said, gifts are not that important, and a 4 year old will not know the difference between an expensive gift and something you pick up at Big Lots. You could spend $50-$60 and have a very nice assortment of small toys for her. Kids learn materialism from us, and if we don't make a huge deal out of presents and money, neither will they. I am sure your daughter is more interested in spending time with her mommy for the holidays than she is in an expensive gift.

Please don't call yourself a failure. Just keep doing the best you can, and put some serious thought into what I said both here and in your previous post. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Oh honey you are NOT a failure! Me and my hubby have gone through more financial crisis this past year than we ever could have imagined. We finally moved in with my parents because it was either food or rent at one point. (They have a big house thank God) But I even got to the point that I had to borrow money from my son's piggy bank. I put it back plus interest since we moved in here because I felt so guilty but I HAD to have gas money. We went without cable and internet a couple of months, we ate ramon noodles. It was hard! My husband's great job did the exact same thing! He worked for a pay role company and when sales went down, they cut their Atlanta division. And we went broke! He got another job but I fear we'll never be on top like we were before!!!!

I have a few points to make.

1- Your boyfriend does not seem to be good for you or your daughter. Your job is to take care of her, not to take care of him. If I remember correctly he's not your daughter's father? You need to kick him out of your life before he makes it worse for you. There is no reason for you to be keeping him around. I know it is hard to do, but you need to put yourself and your daughter first. You obviously know it's a bad situation, so get out of it!

2- This is a great year to teach kids about the meaning of Christmas, and that it is not all about getting more stuff. My kids are not getting anythihng that is going to cost us money this year. It's sad, and yes we feel like it is somehow because of something we did. but it is not our fault and our kids are not going to be any worse off because of it. Join www.freecycle.org. People are giving away all sorts of very nice things right now. I got my daughter a ride on Barbie 4x4 from there, and a stack of books that are in good enough condition for my kids. Go to a consignment shop. Your daughter will not know or care if something is gently used. I promise. Craigs List is also a great resource. A lot of big gifts for Christmas will not mean anything to her if as a result of buying them for her you lose your heat and lights for the winter. Don't lose your perspective.

3- Getting assistance is not the end of the world. It is not a proud moment to go and stand in those lines, trust me. But you would be very surprised at how many people from previously middle to upper-middle class families are there to take advantage of the services. That is why they are there, to help people who need them temporarily. I am on WIC, I have partnered with Papa's Pantry, and I just applied for food stamps and medicaid. It sucks! But I don't have any other means at this time to feed my children, so I sucked it up and got in line. I hope to God that I don't have to use it for very long, but I am not the only person in this situation and so I am doing what I need to do. The second that my husband finds a job I will be volunteering at Papa's Pantry (and doing a big shopping trip for them at Sam's and probably hitting this group up for a food drive, just a warning!!) but for now while I need the resources I am going to use them.

I have phone numbers for a lot of places that can help you out. If you need any help please let me know, I am more than willing to share the research that I have done.  (I have done a lot!!) You are not the only one struggling right now, people are being laid off left and right all over the country. You will survive this, but you have to prioritize your life. #1 should be getting rid of your boyfriend, #2 getting on assistance (as much as it hurts your pride to do it) and #3 finding alternative sources for gifts.  You are not a failure, you are a very young mom going through a rough patch. It is scary as hell, but you are a very strong woman from what I can tell, and you and your daughter will be fine! You just have to make a few changes and ride out the storm. I'm here to talk and help in any way I can!!!!

Hugs (I hope I didn't sound preachy..! I didn't mean to!!)

Carolyn

oh wow I gotta say you're putting yourself down waaaay too much!  I love to hear on how successful people are taking care of their child on their own for yrs.  Just because you're not giving her a lot of present or A present doesn't mean you don't love her or care for her.  I think in my opinion you're doing great! why don't you cut back on unnecessary expenses?  like cable and little things like that?  you might not see it but it will save you a good amount a month!

As far as your bf, hmm I'm not even going to get into that but all I am saying is don't make a mistake of having him around for the feeling of having someone there.  He's a looser and if he's not helping you out then you need to kick him off  the curve!  I have a friend he's a pilot in the army I'm pretty sure he would fall for a girl like you!  independent and self thriving! ;) Oh and he's single! haha

Anyway, let me know if I can help you in any way...my husband and I are going through some financial make-over right now so I can't really afford to do much, but if  you just want to stop by and relax have dinner or lunch you're more than welcome!  Don't let the man get you down! :D